[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

The blood began to swell in my temple. Another person that wants me dead, today. I almost wanted to die myself, but then figured that I wouldn't look quite as good dead as some of the others lying on the floor.

"Call the others, mates. Unless, that is, they want to die on their lonesome."

Move up-right twice, up thrice.
Quick-draw short sword.
First Strike w/ Torturous Strike @ Mage.
Die, fucker.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Noting that the mage had actually done something useful, and put the men and ghoul to sleep (along with the dwarf whom had a tendency to daydream, but this is only fitting), I wanted to take as much advantage of that as possible.

Being knocked on my arse, however, was an inconvenience.

Stand from prone.
Move down-right, right-down.
Deft strike @ Beardy.

Most amazing jew boots

Dazed as all getout, I stumbled my way across the room the the nearest corner.

Move to bottom right corner.

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Need......Advil.....Wait, I'm not making any sense."

The headache split my head in two.

Second wind.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Taking a similar stance to the guard in the opposite corner, I settled down, drew my crossbow, put away my sword, loaded a bolt, and fired at the wizard who seemed to need a taste of his own medicine.

FELIPE NO

Suddenly, the tide had shifted and my would-be mates were dancing and singing and cheering themselves aloof. It almost made me want to sing. Bloody hell, the dwarf was doing the tango with the crab. I just hope he didn't have the urge to "kiss the girl". Things might become akward if that were to happen. At any rate, he was obviously handling himself.

Coming more to my senses, I noticed the guard towards the back door about to escape, so I vaulted across the room towards him, drew my dagger as it was the quickest I could reach any blade, and pointed it towards his throat.

"Aye, mate. If you can't tell, I'm swimming with mermaids here, and I'd like to bloody well END it, if you catch my point.

I have enough move to avoid the crab and be bottom left to the guard.
Store crossbow and equip dagger.
Stab in FACE with Sky Flourish


What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Keep backtalking, babyface! Keep giving me a reason!

Stabinfaceagain.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I peek into the next room, due to being adacent to an open door.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

WATER!

But also....LEWT!

I grabbed a handful of gold, however much fit, grabbed ze potion, which Soggy informed me was of the same consistency of the one I already had. I downed one immediately. It tasted like pink chalk.

Gloves, bracelet, dagger, and....the parchment. I opened it up and read it while strolling into the office or sorts to get myself some water, because I was thirsty as fuck.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Whereas I had been slightly turned by having killed so many people in the last day, I suddenly felt a release of that tension having read the scroll.

But one word bothered me..,"roll". Were we not really prisoners? Game pieces? Was there somebody that cleaned up the blood week by week?

I filled up my waterskin, after dumping out the sour ale, and quenched my thirst. I tossed away the bloody dagger I'd used on the guard, as he had offered me a much better piece as an inheritance.

Afterwards I looked about the room for anything of interest.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"I say, fellas, what do you make of this?" I asked, as I showed the parchment to the rest of the group.

As I did, I worked my way through the desk, and scanning over the paperwork on top of it as well.

Most amazing jew boots

At the curious paper, I folded it up and pocketed it, for later reminder.

As the rest of the group either bumble about the room, or lie in it tending their wounds, I wandered back out into the room littered with bodies. The stench had gone unnoticed when I was in peril, but now it was back in full force. The wizard was building a fire in the corner - reasonable, seeing as the guard burning over the fire barrel was a fair addition to the stench. I walked over and kicked him off the top of the barrel, and let his remains smolder.
I took a bit of the meat and cooked it over the wizard's fire, conversing with him a small bit about what he thought we were here for, but he seemed to be very absorbed by his book he had found. The crab meat was tough and lacked flavor.

"Aye, mate. You seemed intent on scurrying out this door earlier. Shall we find out what's behind it?" I said to the elf.

Does my character know what "Mirtul" is? How much gold did I grab earlier?"

Eat crap meat. (Assuming it does something useful)
Go to west door with Bob.
Examine door closely before opening it...slowly.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

"You're a dwarf! Come look at these." I yelled at the hammer fetishist who was merely leaning on a wall.

FELIPE NO

"I needed your night light." I muttered sarcastically, still not sure what to do with this room.

Get fire from books in corner and set in south bowl.
Put some water in north bowl.

How ya doing, buddy?

Knowing the lumbering man was probably bleeding in a corner somewhere, I didn't think it was best to send him headfirst. And the dragon-child didn't look threatening, but one could never be sure whether mama-lizard or papa-lizard were too hard or too soft.

Being the only one in the room, I pulled out the other vial of potion and tossed it to the elf.
"For whomever needs it, I suspect."

I loaded my crossbow and worked my way down the hall.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I sighed and propped the lousy elf onto the wall of the hallway. I pulled the potion I had given him earlier out and poured it down his throat. He choked on it, but managed to take it all down.

"Make sure he doesn't bleed to death," I said to Gabriel, and walked down the hallway to open the gate, crossbow ready to shoot anything that looked hostile.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I examined the room due to being very confounded.

What's the light level?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Pull lever ready to dodge more arrows.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I sighed. I put on the newly acquired gloves and got to business.

Equip gloves for +5 against splintering.
Open and empty crates to make them lighter. Please inform me of contents.
Move crates to plates on floor and pull lever again.
Do I really need to go through the steps?

I was speaking idiomatically.

"I was hoping you'd crawl down there, being a ground dweller and all. But I suppose I'll wait for whomever wants to be so haughty and adventurous."

I strolled back to the room with the two statues and sat myself down in the corner.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I moved over the dropped lug's body and attempted to distract the creature while stabbing for its throat.

Move to Argumentus' square.
Sky flourish at...thing.

FELIPE NO