[DnD] Welcome to the Dungeon of Doom!

Making no headway with the man behind the iron curtain that held us in this place, I shrugged his shrewdness off and began to head back to find the other men who were stuck here with me.

I heard them causing a commotion in the distance, but knew what the situation was already. Having already tried to warn them, I was in no hurry to come to their aid.

Move however far I can at a walk towards the lower door in the room.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

"You can rest if you like. I'd much rather you all sit and keep still than stir up more of the trouble you've been doing the last good while," I said, frustrated.

"But afterwards, there are two iron doors that will apparently lead us out of here. I managed to open one, but the other has a habit of spitting arrows at me, courtesy of the stubborn beard behind it. I will need your help, then."

I need to know the sizes of the crates in the north room, if they are intact enough to provide cover for myself and others, and how well they slide. They must fit through the northern doorway, however.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Fescue had not slept much, and had spent what time he had left on his sunrod pacing and investigating the boxes for some help to approach the ominous iron door at the end of the hallway.

Did I find anything sweet?

Eating a few bites of his rations as the sunrod faded, he also went to sleep.
When he awoke, the room was dark and empty, but the dwarf with the hammer suddenly bumbled about and lit a sunrod. Feeling more inclined to be wherever there was light, he followed.


"Aye, morning, mate," I said from behind, slightly startling the undersized beast. When his attention was caught, I introduced myself. "Since we're likely to die here together, we might well know each other's names. I am Fescue."

After a short exchange of words, I began to tell the dwarf of the hallways I had found earlier, and the man behind it in the fullest detail I could afford, and my plan to approach it with cover of some kind so that I could pick the lock to open it up.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Staying close the the only light source, I finished my water, and filled it with the ancient ale. Something was better than nothing, but I would have to take care not to indulge too quickly.

Waiting for the dwarf to fill his sack also, I recalled the cloak I had found just as my light had extinguished the other night. Being one who's likened to camouflage, I draped it over my shoulders and adorned the hood, if for nothing else than to soak in some self-pity for the moment.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Seeing as the man behind the door was too ballsy to be inattentive, and the boxes were too feeble to cover me, I treated the large man to the remaining jerky in my pack, to boost his overly zealous morale.

I spoke to the dwarf, then. "Gabriel. Trade shields with him. Have him charge the door, and use the shield to cover the slot, while we approach it. Then either he or I will open the door, and then we brain him, I say.

How ya doing, buddy?

I'm first, you fucks.

Shift (hide) behind Argumentus.
Equip hand crossbow.
Sky Flourish

FELIPE NO

Rearing up behind the rest as quickly as I could as soon as I realized there was more trouble than expected, I heard Gabriel hollering about his beard. I remarked, "I woulda thought that you had planned on a shave and a haircut, mate, after trying to kiss that flame beetle."

I noticed the brash dwarf had not nearly enough arrows in his chest, so I added another.

Sprint down hallway.
Sky Flourish at mouthy mother fucker.

How ya doing, buddy?

Store crossbow, equip short sword.
Move two down, 1 right to flank drake.
Torturous Strike on drake.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Waking up, after having been knocked tha fuck out, I had little idea what was going on. The room was spinning. Or perhaps the people in it were spinning and the room was stationary. On the contrary, it was probably me who was twisting around foolishly. I stumbled back, as there were too many unfriendly faces in my proximity, and leaned against a wall, and tried to recoup myself as well as I could.

Stand from Prone
Move in front of Bob
Healing surge

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Feeling much better, but not quite ready to directly reengage the enemy, I selfishly took aim with my arrows at the human who had knocked me upside my head.

Sheath sword and draw crossbow.
Load crossbow.
Easy Target at Human.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Knowing I was capable, and not able to resist the chance to finish off a foe, I reloaded my bow and aimed it straight at the mouth of that wildly swinging maceman. I thought he would look fancy if he died in such a fashion.

Reload crossbow.
Sky Flourish at maceman.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Becoming ever irritated with things not dying, I hung my crossbow at my side, drew my sword, and moved in next to the dwarf with a hammer, so maybe a sharp pokey thing would manage to do what his big stick could not.

1 right, 1 down-right
Store crossbow, draw sword
Sky flourish at halfling

I was speaking idiomatically.

At this point, most of their blood had been spilled on the floor, I could tell, because I was laying on the bloody stone. With that dwarf, who's mouth was too big for his little body, standing over me, I wriggled out from between his legs like a birthing gopher.
I stood up and saw that my friend, the other mouthy dwarf (was this a trend?) was all that was left. I looked down and saw that man's mace lying on the ground. I figured if it would hurt him as much as it did me, we'd be in good favor.

Stand in right square.
Pick up mace.
Throw it at his HEAD!

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I found some extra ammunition and shuriken blades, and packed them away, along with an extra dagger and lockpick kit.

While the rest of the would-be thieves looted the corpses of the corpses, I walked about the room and observed it, trying to deduct what was so special about it that it had to be guarded. I took particular interest in the animal cage.

FELIPE NO

I was antsy to leave this room. Too much blood. While my stomach could handle it, I couldn't figure the reason why we were shoved in a dungeon to become a murderous pack of fools.

I was a thief, not a damned killer. You can only steal from the dead once, and that was bad business as far as I was concerned.

Attempt to open door.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

There's water on the other side of this. Maybe not much, but we can hear it. Whether or not it is the way out, I decided it was definitely the priority.

Examine throne for whatever.

How ya doing, buddy?

Smell liquid, and possibly identify it.
Steal Bob's new staff.
Steal Argumentus's crown.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Stealing.....things?!

None of the books looked to be of interest, or to be the item we were looking for. I did however pick out the traveler's guide and keep it for myself, should we ever find daylight enough to read anything.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Hoping my new cloak wasn't the key (so found of that dramatic billowing), I removed it and neatly folded it and stuffed it onto the perch that was the throne.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Having re-adourned my cloak and feeling majestic once again, but slightly stupid from the thump I'd received on my head, I head down the hallway, seeing the elf giggle to himself like a schoolgirl while prancing in place on his tippy toes. While he was prancing, I did my best to resist the urge to shove him down the pit.

As the dwarf named Gabriel was currently distracted by his reaction to the elf's capers, I also peered down the door in the floor. The air was sweet and cool. And I saw marble floors. Wherever this door led to, it was obviously better decorated than this shitehole.

Down! Down! Down we go!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Not about to lose the chance to send the large man in another direction head-first, brains-last, I did my best to open the door he was knocking on.

If door open, I say "Puppies!"

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I quickly took off my cloak, which had the oil all over it, and threw it to the ground. I extinguished the rest of the flames on me and dressed them as well as I could.

The elf was apparently able to comprehend the doors, and was reading them to the rest of us, but made no sense whatsoever. Who in their right mind would write such things on doors and what purpose did this room have? Other than to ruin my new cloak. I was, however, glad I had found it. It saved the rest of my clothes from being burnt to smithereens. It was fodder, now, though.

The elf pointed at the south door. How in the bloody hell he could know which way was south was beyond me, but I wasn't going to be the pig to prance around through doors, not after that last one, which still had the big man trapped inside it.

STOP, ROCK N' ROLL, NIGGA!@
2 healing surges, plz.

FELIPE NO

Now that we were done playing "Get Ourselves Killed By Random Trap Doors", I decided to move on ahead, once again, while the group stood slack-jawed and open-mouthed.

Sneak (stealth?) into next room, carefully.
Please roll to check for any more traps. Or monsters.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

"WATCH WHERE YOU WALK!" I harshly scolded the dwarf, though not too loudly, as I didn't know what else I could bring attention to us.
"Since you know what it is, why don't you go take care of it?" Obviously my pride was still bruised from being beaten and burnt and broken for the past day.

Look up. Inspect doors. Also, I'm thirsty.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"And what would an axe do?" I asked the dwarf, not knowing what he was plotting, while readying my weapon to sink some bolts into the hide of the beast...

Shoot arrows at ghoul until it's dead...or something ridiculous happens.

How ya doing, buddy?