Breathless moments

Hmm, back in 1999 there was a girl I thought, at the time, I was in love with. Looking back it was a sort of puppy love. Anyhow, it was a sunny day and we were riding home in the bus when she said something really sweet as she sat next to me and I turned my head to look at her and we just kind of stared at eachother for what seemed like eternity but was really a good five seconds. The way the sun gently splashed across her pretty face and the way the sun accented the lovely auburn color of her hair. I wanted to tell her a million things but I never said anything. I wish I had kissed her, but the moment ended when I looked away embarassed. Whatever it was she had told me is now forgotten, I have a great memory but the moment following it pretty much knocked me out mentally for a while.

When I was in prison and Lenore finally sent me some pictures of my six-month old daughter. I hadn't talked to Lenore on the phone for three months at that point but when I got that letter and saw my little girl's sweet little face I called Lenore right away so I could at least hear my kids. It was just that at that moment I knew I'd do anything, even die, for her with no second thought.

A couple of weeks ago. I was sitting on a couch with a girl I had met earlier. A very ideal girl, and I was holding her tight and we were playing with eachothers hands. It was special because we really did bond that single day and it also had value because it was the first time since prison, since Lenore, that I could be affectionate that way with someone. And even though I'm drugged out now, even if I'm fucked, it's moments like these that remind me I'm a big fucking teddy bear and I love to love and be loved but all too often I let life, my past, and all sorts of anger and bitterness turn me into someone else.

Jam it back in, in the dark.