Dec 9, 2007, 06:33 PM
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#1 of 7
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I think it's a good launching point for a bigger story (no pun intended).
I'd like to see where it goes, definitely. I think, if you can, you should write Part 2 for the next go-around. (if Orion is planning another cycle of this Workshop that is)
As for the gripes I had with the story, I think Acro-nym pleasantly sums them up. It felt kind of rushed is all, and I noticed a lot of those little errors too. Granted, some authors have their own style and purposely leave errors in their writing, but I'm guessing that in this they were just overlooked.
One thing I'd like to see next time is more backstory. The setting feels pretty hollow as it is now so flesh it out a little bit. Maybe a description of the locations, the worlds, the space craft, or the characters that you have in mind put on paper. That'd really work for the story's favor, definitely.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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Matt