Pregnant teen needs help!

Ok, here is the scoop…

I have a cousin that has just turned 19 and is now pregnant, she and I where like sisters and loved each other like crazy, I am 6 years older then her so she looked up to me a lot when it came to growing up.

The guy she is going out with named Chris is also 5-6 years older then she is, and he also as a child with another girl (On the positive side he is fighting for visitation rights). Ever since my cousin turned 16 she would move out with every guy she considered a boyfriend and moved back when she broke up. When she started going out with Chris, she moved in with him in a very small basement apartment that his grandparents pay for because he does not have a job. My cousin had a job but quit.

She is due to have her baby this October, she is still smoking, Chris still smokes, he kicks up a fuss like a 9 year old if he does not have a cigarette or beer, the apartment they are in is a dirt hole! They have two cats and their litter is a opened pizza box with litter dumped in it, and it does not look like it is changed often either. Any bit of money that Chris gets his hands on goes to booze and smokes. My aunt offered to take her back in but her boyfriend cannot come with her because she recently separated from her husband and has 2 young boys to raise and only has a part time job.

I have talked to my cousin and stressed my concerns. I have invited her to spend a few days to my place so that we can hang out and do some baby shopping and told her that I will be paying. It took a lot of effort to get the days off from my job to do this, but she refused because I will not allow her to smoke if she came (I have a severe allergy to smoke and I get very ill, plus it is bad for the baby)

I don’t know what to do! I hate Chris’s guts cuz he has the independents of a 9 year old and is ruder then a mule! But I did not say that to their faces. I love her to death and I can’t seem to get through to her…… if not for her then for her poor baby who I am very concerned about, it is not having a healthy pregnancy, the baby is due in less then 2 months and not a single diaper is bought!

I am at a loss....

Jam it back in, in the dark.

She was actually on the pill. I thinks she got sick or something and had to switch to a different pill. What happend is you are supposed to take the new pill for a full month before it can become effective. They happened to go at it before the new pill became effective. Chris was not happy when he found out that she was pregnant, but I say tough to him, if he REALLY did not want another kid, he should have wore a condom for percaution.

He might have lacked the education on how the pill works but my cousin should have known... so they are both at fault.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Storm Petrel

Is abortion an option to them?

The baby is to far developed to get a abortion, she is due in October.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My aunt is going to have a baby shower for her under one condition... any money that given goes to my aunt. None of us trust money in my cousin's or Chris's hands, so my aunt is going to get the money and buy the baby stuff herself.

I just made a baby bundle which is a baby tub will with suff she will need like diapers, bath supplies, wipes ect....

But calling Social services is what I am thinking of doing if the baby is living in the conditions that my cousin is in now.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

A PIZZA box as a kitty litter box? What, they cost, like, $10 at Walmart. I have a feeling there are plenty of Walmarts where your cousin lives.

I agree, the only money they are getting are by sponging off Chris's grandparents to pay for rent and food.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

If you want to do her a favor, get her to leave the FILTH that fathered that child and try to take her into your family. Though I have a feeling your family can't be that healthy (no offense again) to nuture this poor kid into getting a fucking BRAIN.

I truly understand why you would say this but the rest of our family are all trying to reach out to her, but it seems like she is in denial and is pretending that her life is dandy. She is bascially trying to act all 'grown up' when we clearly see otherwise.

My cousin actually does not know who her real father is, after my aunt had my cousin she made a real life for self, she went to school, got a diploma in computer technology and got a job. She married years later to a great man and had two little boys.

Today they are split up but are on good terms. My aunt did everything for her kids, she gave up smoking when she got preganent with her first son and to set a example for my cousin.

Even now she took my cousin back in and Chris tried to tag along, but is eating her out of house and home, my aunt has a part time job and raising 2 boys, she can't afford to look after Chris too... so she said that he has to leave, so my cousin left with him too.

I agree with my aunt that her problem is low confidence. My cousin will just go with the flow and will not speak up. She was teary eyed when I confronted her about not wanting to come to my place, I told her that I knew that this is not the life that she wanted for herself and that she is harming her baby, she said that she knew what I was talking about and understands. I then said 'then stand up on it!'... she was silent. That was the last time I spoke to her. I hope I made her think.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Originally Posted by a lurker

It's good on you guys to not knowtow to her demands that Chris accompanies her everywhere though, that'll just make things worse on your relationship with her.

So are you saying that I should talk to my cousin while Chris is present?

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I was home the other day and was talking to my aunt. She says that my cousin and chris has found a 2 bedroom apartment, my cousin checked it out by herself because on look at chris will tell you what he is like, he uses the current cubbyhole as a hangout!

I learned that his only firends are 16 year olds and they all come over to their current place to hang out, drink, smoke, and possibly drugs. My cousin says nothing, and if she does, chris will not listen. My aunt did warn her that now that she has a better apartment to not screw it up.

My aunt told me that once the baby is born, she will be checking up on them all the time unannounced, and if the conditions are still the way they are, she is going to call social services and take custody of the baby. I feel better knowing this so the baby will be saved at least.

Either way, if my aunt does not call, I would have.

How ya doing, buddy?

I can understand what you mean Fatt, and what everyone else has said so far.

When it comes to my cousin, it is time that she learned life the hard way, but when a innocent baby is involved, it should not have to suffer at my cousin's expense.... after all, it did not ask to be brought into this world.

Which is why that if it comes to a point that my cousin is a unfit parent, the baby should be taken away, but not far away. I believe in the improtance of parent/child relationships too but you have to think about the child's safety, so visitation rights would be a must.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Originally Posted by JammerLea

Since they have gotten a new apartment, I do hope that they can turn their situation around for the better. Good luck to them.

Well, there are only a few weeks left before the baby arrives, so I will be posting updates on the situation.

Originally Posted by RABicle

And yet I notice a complete lack of men in Chibi Neko's family.

What does that mean??

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by JammerLea

I think he means so far you've mostly mentioned from your family your aunt, yourself and your cousin, all of whom are females. You haven't mentioned any male influence at all, so he's more-or-less saying the issues are the result of the lack of a strong male figure within the family to hold things together.

Guess he did not read my 5th post on the first page of this thread.

There are many men in my family, fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins and two grandfathers. This issue is focused my cousin who is pregnant and her single mom who is trying to cope with it, not men in my family that have nothing to do with it. Chris is the one that got her pregnant, so he is the one that needs to be present.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

So far there are no signs of Chris growing up... there are openings for many jobs in his field (work labor, he has not been to college) and he is not making a effort to apply for them, it looks like he is plans to contiune to live off his grandparents money and most likely the government benifits that my cousin will be receiving.

Much of our family is showing dissaproval.... it is up to her now to do what she thinks is right.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Have you guys tried mentioning to her that if the conditions stay the way that they are presently, someone in your family will be calling social services on them?

I have already mentioned that on previous posts. If the situation does not improve when the baby is born, my aunt says she will call social services herself and take custody of the child, if she does not do it, I will.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

No need to get your panties in a bunch, Chibi!

I didn't

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

but how old is your cousin, again? Isn't she under 18?

She is 19, but we all know that age does not make you smart, Chris is 24 and he acts like he is 9.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I was talking to my mom last night...

My cousin was kicked out of the two bedroom apartment that they found a shor while ago. The landlord heard about Chris and how he gets violent when drunk and told them to move out a short while after they moved in.

They now have a different place that is just outside of town, which is not good because they are now outside of walking distance to everything they need. I am not even sure that they have a phone, so I am concerned for her labor, she is due in a week or two so she can go at anytime now.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

She had her baby! she had a girl and was only in labor for 3 hours.

The baby is healthy, so far anyway, which is a relief. She named the baby after me! I am tickled pink!

We all did what we could, so the rest is up to her.

FELIPE NO

The baby is doing fine... so far, but the realy kicker is now my cousin and Chris are engaged! According to my aunt the ring looks really cheap, how he would buy one is beyond me because they are still living off welfare. My aunt can't stand it but she is keeping her cool and wont say anything. I however am going to visit the baby this weekend and if they mention their engagement, I will not give them any blessings.

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