Losing belief

I was raised in an Assemblies of God church, which for those of you that don't know is Pentecostal Christianity. The branch of Pentecostal that allows women to cut their hair, wear pants instead of ankle length dresses. NO, snake charming is not involved. I don't remember any particular moment that my faith was shattered. If anything did open my eyes, it was the hypocrisy I noticed once I started being more involved with the inner workings of the church. It opened my eyes to the fact that no one is perfect and we are all flawed which goes into how all religions or outlooks on the meaning of life have flaws and none are perfect and the "end all be all". I still do what I can to live as a "good person" (something that is all relative to your belief structure and your understanding of what is really "good") and I feel that if I use the guidelines set forth by that religious view point (Christianity), I have a good chance of succeeding in that task.

I'm not blind to the rest of the world and I understand that what I've been taught is ultimately someone's interpretation of the "meaning of life". I think that to assume that interpretation or any other is the "end all be all" is a very arrogant assumption. I think that regardless of what religion you choose to follow or not follow, none of us will know the true meaning of life until our lives are complete = death. To me, the question of "what is the meaning of life" is really a question of "why am I here", it's all about "me". To try to understand my existence without knowing my entire story is futile. We'll really only know the answers ( Why am I here? Is there a God? Who's idea of God was right?) once we are dead.

IMO, To argue either side (God = yes or no) requires one to be able to completely disprove one side or the other. I'm not sure if that's possible. I'd rather just recognize that I'm not sure, meditate/pray on what really is the best way to live my life and hope that in the end if there is a God/after life, I've done enough to please him/her and if there isn't a God/after life...then it doesn't really matter because I'll be gone and won't exist, giving me a chance to care.

I realize that I've probably contradicted myself in this post because most of the guidelines set forth by the church contradict the fact that I also recognize that there are other view points and that I'm a little gun shy when it comes to labeling whatever force/deity may or may not be lurking on another plane of existence. I'm not sure what classification that puts me in. I've never thought enough about it to label myself.

Jam it back in, in the dark.