If you had a friend that woke up from a 20 year coma, what first would you tell them?

Hmm, sum up the last 20 years for a coma victim, huh? We had a couple more wars, Michael Jackson touched some kids, George Lucas made some prequels that really sucked, for some reason we still don't have flying cars, but we've built this vast interconnected web of computers that we can all use to communicate with one another instantaneously; unfortunately all we use it for is to yell at one another, play games, and look at porn. That pretty much covers all the important highlights.

Objectively, 9/11 was not a big deal. It's just details, in the grand scheme of things. That can come up later when you explain in more detail President Bush's wacky middle eastern adventure. Michael Jackson will be much bigger news to a guy who went to sleep in 1986, as will be this science fiction we call the internet.

Jam it back in, in the dark.