Sex and relationships: a practical consideration

Quote:

Posted by ElectricSheep
Relationships aren't driven by statistics and population samples. If you start making decisions in a relationship based on averages from statistical data, you're going to run into problems. You need to learn to treat the individual as a unique individual with unique individual needs, motivations, and feelings or you will meet unpleasant surprises.

People say this, but it's funny how most relationships inevitably wind up falling into very predictable patterns. Relationships supposedly aren't driven by statistics, but then think about how many divorcees you know. It's a function of the personality types of both people involved, but there's a lot less "unique flower" type stuff going on than people like to think. Human beings are simple creatures at heart.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Quote:

Posted by a lurker
How much first hand experience do you have, Monkey King?

A little more than you think I do, but you're just trying to poison the well in lieu of making an actual argument.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Quote:

Posted by a lurker
Your argument is "people aren't unique snowflakes." If you think that's a counter to what Electric Sheep was saying, you fail in reading comprehension.

All I'm saying is that, if people behaved as predictably as you figure, we'd have a lot easier time in economics* than we currently do.

Really. Are you actually trying to make a point here, or just trolling?

My point is that no, people generally do not have unique individual needs, motivations or feelings. ElectricSheep is trying to make the argument that no two relationships are alike, making it impossible to draw any conclusions from relational trends, and that's just not so. People tend to fall into fairly predictable behavioral patterns. Whether a relationship will hold together after having sex does depend on a few factors, but there's fewer variables than people like to think. No one likes being told how easily they fit in a labeled box, but that's the unvarnished truth.

Every rule has an exception, naturally, but those aberrant couples have such non-standard relationships that they're probably not even asking whether or not sex is going to affect their dynamic.

Incidentally, the advertising industry says that yes, people ARE that predictable. Economics is hard mainly because there are too many stupid people holding positions of authority, not because economists have a hard time figuring out how people will act.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Quote:

Posted by Avalokiteshvara
I can't say for certain what my reaction to a real sexual experience would be in the context of a relationship, except to say I'm coming to view it as analogous to the amputation of a gangrenous limb. Seems the best way to deal with THAT is to get it over with as fast as possible. With lots of alcohol.

It sounds to me like you just haven't had very good sexual experiences with the people you've dated. Are you sure it's not just because you dread the act itself? It shouldn't be unpleasant unless someone is doing something wrong. Maybe that's where you always realize you're not compatible with your partner?

Quote:

Posted by ElectricSheep
When you are describing a population, you use statistics. When you are describing less than ten people, statistics breaks down very fast and is not very useful.

Aren't we describing a population? He asked for a general idea of how most people handle sex in a relationship. I'm not talking about just the few people who have posted in this thread, here.

Quote:

Posted by a lurker
Would you like to offer up your own relationship experience as evidence for this. Or, if that is significantly lacking, perhaps you are making a lot of money helping out singles find their optimum partner, or helping couples reach the highest percentage of happiness they can statistically have with each other.

You really hate my analytical approach, don't you. I would cheerfully offer my advice to couples to help maximize their happiness - I know you're mocking me, and it's not working - but nobody ever seems to want it, and they make you get all these degrees to do it professionally.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Quote:

Posted by a lurker
Not so much as mock it. I mean, you're not telling us anything we don't already know, but you're acting like it's some holy grail of science x information gradient. It's not, otherwise you or someone else significantly more creative than you would be very rich by now.

Everybody knows it deep down, and this is hardly a new concept, but nobody is rich off it because people don't want to hear it. They much prefer the popular superstition of love being this magical force that overcomes all obstacles and hardships, and that each romance is a unique, delicate, beautiful things. People do not give up their superstitions easily; it forces them to critically evaluate their world, and the world is often a scary place. Far better to hide in your little safe place of misconceptions and half-truths.

I know I'm probably just spinning my wheels here, trying to beat people about the head and shoulders with the facts in the desperate hope they'll spontaneously stop being foolish. But it's far worse to stand there silently in the face of such raw ignorance and not try to speak up.

Honestly? I don't even care about the topic. I'm just trying to shake people up and put some honest thought into all these preconceptions everyone takes for granted. You can't just judge relationships by statistics and known behaviors? Why? Nobody ever asks why anymore, and that's the problem.

I was speaking idiomatically.