Douchebag Roommates

God only knows everyone who's been through college had one at some point. I was reading someone bitching about it on another forum, and I was reminded of the painful company I once had.

Does anyone have any scarring stories to tell of their own douchebag roommates?

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by GRUN-2

I'm sure many of you have had worse than I have, but I've only had one year living in a dorm and I've already got some roommate funtimes under my belt. I had gone through three roommates by the end of the first semester, and the fouth guy is rooming with me again next semester because we've become friends.

First two: my double was, for a time, a forced triple. While neither of them were really anything terrible, they had certainly become friends with each other more than with me. We were all just in different places, they were more athletic, I was far more nerdy. One of them dropped out after two weeks, and the other one was drinking under his parents noses, so they both decided it would be a good idea to bring a drunken party into the room. Bad news, fellas: You live on the school's Chem. Free floor. Roommate 2 left the next day, Roommate 1 was kicked out of the room for having alcohol.

If you look up the word "polyamorous" in a dictionary, Roommate 3 might have his picture next to the word as an example. And he wasn't even attractive. This is the kind of guy that pisses off my friend Eric, who really tries with women and never succeeds. Anyway, I lost track of all fo the women, also lost count, but he seemed to remember all of their names. He left of his own accord because he didn't really 'fit in' on our floor. Final notes: I totally love hearing the same Staind song at least twice every single night. I also love when someone makes a setlist to play on repeat that consists of seven songs total. Especially if one of them is that god-awful Hawthorne Heights single.

Five out of five douchebags.

Isn't it a great part of the college experience, learning to adapt to having assholes around? I always hope this kinda shit has a pruning quality to it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Fire On Ice

My older brother, who's a total homophobe, had his roommate come out half way through the first semester of his first year :/

Wait, who's the douchebag in this situation?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Alterminded

My current roomate is a total bitch. I mean there are no other words that could possibly describe her better than "Stank ass cunt", "Chonga", and the nefarious "Herpes Simplex C Chimera" This girl loves to leech off of people, and ironically as of the last 5 months, I alone have been paying the electric, the rent, and possibly everything else that we have to pay. She used to sit at home and do nothing but drink, snort cocaine, and have sex with her 40 year old boyfriend ,who reminds me of a rejected guitarist (Seriously, the man has no potential for a good future...), on my fucking bed. Not only does she do that, but shes broken 2 of my work laptops and gotten me fired from 2 jobs in the last 4 months because she decides to come over and create a scene about why life is so miserable, with thin cuts on her wrist.

She clearly is a waste of airspace and organic material, just like having a pet roach, its fucking pointless! So now I am moving out, finally, and going with my friend alan. Sweet....

I felt filthy just reading that; I've had one roommate where, as annoying as he was, you at least knew he wasn't going to get any. EVER. However, all the same, I've had a roommate where girls have been dull enough to fall for him and so have had to hear empty-headed giggles all through the night.

Oh and to remind anyone just in case, cause I know this is a prevalent douchebag trait for a roommate: guitar playing. It's cool, and I respect knowing the instrument. But when you play the same damn song, solely to get laid (i.e. "Tears In Heaven"), it's maddening. Especially if you like the song.

And since I just remembered, I had someone play, since I forgot, Band X all the time, their single. I liked Band X, way back then, before I had this person as a roomie. I thought they were really good. But then not only did I have to associate their damn songs to this prick whenever I listened to them myself, he played their single alone so many times that even if he wasn't an idiot, it'd still be unbearable.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Oh RIGHT. The LEECH archetype. Someone brought that up before but I had to relate a very striking story. I had one roommate, same one who made me hate Band X, who never used anything of his own. Seriously. He had a computer but his parents somehow forgot to make him pack that most important thing. So my other roommate, who was a nice guy, lets him use his laptop. Funny thing? This leech ends up using the laptop more than he. All the time, he'd be blaring some shitty music from a laptop that wasn't even his. My other roommate even told me this disturbing tale in which even open water bottles of his were not safe from this leech's over dependence.

I was speaking idiomatically.

QUICK POLL:
What is the least of these evils?
- The Leech
- The Whore
- The Drunk

Imagine that these are not one and the same.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by Chaotic

At least the Whore and the Drunk won't get into your business all that much.

When the whore starts doin' it on your bed or the drunk vomits in your shared bathroom, as previously mentioned, you may rethink that.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by Chaotic

... Good point.

Still, I think the leech is worse. Even if the whore has sex in your bed, or the drunk pukes in the shared bathroom, there's nothing a little cleaning can't do.

Clean as you might, your bed will stil be tainted forever. FOREEEEEEEEVER. Especially if something spills over.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?