[:plant:] The Gamingforce Disappointment of the Year 2012: A New Skills Bitchfest - voting

You know what sucked when it shouldn't have?

Need for Speed: Most Wanted (40 points)

"Oh, it's just like Burnout", you say?

nope.jpg

Things Burnout did not have:
- Inaccurate, tank like handling
- Pointless SP campaign that had an inverted progression structure, making the more you play in a particular car the less useful it actually became.
- Autolog that constantly didn't work, disconnecting you, deleting progress you've made, or otherwise not registering the things you were doing around on the map.
- Horrible, idiot cops that are like some sort of eagle eye'd retards. Can see you despite the fact that you're in a building, on the third floor, half a mile from the nearest cruiser? Don't matter none, they're psychic. And since there's no reward or penalty for dealing with them, just get busted and save yourself the time.
- Car movement that didn't automatically crash you when rotated more than 90 degrees in the air. Can't have those licensed cars be upside down now, that's bad.
- Races and situations where you lost not because you fucked up, but because the game just said "nah" and decided to fuck you in the nose with a horse's dick.
- The slow burning realization that the more you play this the more you notice how bad it is.

Things Burnout had that MW doesn't:
- Stunts.
- Multiplayer with a point.
- Car damage model.
- 60 frames per second
- No fucking terrible lighting engine
- The soundtrack had at least two good pieces of music.
- An interesting city to get around in.
- Billboards, jumps, and gates that were in interesting to reach locations.
- A FUN FACTOR

Real talk. I make fun of Tritoch on a daily basis. I tell him how terrible he is. I have given him mountains of shit.

I paid for his copy of this for Christmas right before it came out.

This is honestly the biggest insult I have ever given him and it makes me feel legit awful.

Mass Effect 3 (20 points)

You're chuggin' along for a while, and while the game sort of shits on a handful of otherwise excellent characters, the early parts look good. Sound good. Make a bit of sense.

Then BAMPH



EDI is now a cylon with some serious vagina goin' on.

Also this:

Deus ex machina - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Also none of your choices mattered at all.

Not even counting the cheap, universe shitting technicolour endings, the whole back half of "build the magic space cannon" and the whole fill this bar to have enough space resources that also don't matter for a fuck, you've still got something that's bland as hell.

If you just stop and think about the design philosophy behind it for a moment. At no point during any gameplay segments outside of two specific areas, can you holster your weapon. You are always pointing it out. Ready to fucking shoot some shit. Always. See a space problem? Shoot it with a space gun. That's the fix. There's no subtlety. There's no nuance. The other games had this, to some extent. Here you've got some soulless, "get it out for the quarter's bottom line or you're fired" design where the original vision is completely lost. It's dumbed down and stretched thin. So many contrivances for no reason. It's practically insulting.

Saved by the tacked-on bullshit MP that is actually fun as hell for some reason. They lucked into that and it saves the whole deal. Also why it's not getting 40 points.

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EDIT OH YEAH

Here's one

Code of Princess (40 points)

Seriously what the fuck. How can this come from such pedigree, and be sooooooooooooo shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Single digit frame rate? yup
Everyone has cheap bullshit Infinites? yup
Your progress is entirely dependent on your gear? yup
You will be forced to grind because you will run out of time infinitely juggling metal spiders? fucking giga-yup
Worst, least amusing, largest try-hard dialog this side of Pony fan-fiction? mayupudyne

Holy shit, the thing is terrible. Self referential to a fault, the game tries to make you smirk by constantly drawing attention to how big Solange's tits are because every character mentions it. Even the one who refers to himself as a "level 99 sage". It's like a CAD comic having sex with a GOTTA GO FAST jpg

And be ready to play the same fucking stages a million times with slightly different enemy layouts when you run into a dude who just will take 2 HP damage of his 1500 HP per strike. So go grind. Juggle assholes in the corner with your auto infinites. That's fun. Burst accomplishes nothing of value. You will just run out of time otherwise.

All stat based. Don't bother with the other shit.

Also if you've got more than two sprites on screen the game runs so slowly that you can actually initiate a combo, go take a vacation to mexico, and then come back before you have to buffer the next half of the inputs.

Vomit inducing.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Think of it as Terminator 2 to Terminator 3.

You go from "No fate but what you make" to, in the last six minutes, "fuck that, told by fate".

Everything they ever tried to present as an idea or concept in Mass Effect is torpedo'd by three. Not just the ending, either. I mean ANYTHING. Think about whatever defines the series for you and it's undoubtedly shat upon by three in some capacity.

It was a hackneyed shithouse of a conclusion that's an insult to the player. There's little redeeming to it beyond the MP, and that gets stale when you realize you paid to play an F2P title without getting any of the premium bonuses for it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Fluffykitten McSnugglepuss

My biggest dissapointment of the year in terms of gaming is that there's still no news about Too Human 2 or Suikoden 6...

Dyack being forced to recall and destroy all unsold copies of Too Human is one of the funniest stories of the year, though.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah.

Court found that he jacked a whole load of proprietary Unreal tech and pretended it was his.

Hubris and bullshit is hilarious when it turns around and bites someone in the ass so-fucking-spectacularly though. Mmm. It sustains me like salty tears.

Also, "hiring" is funny.

They have less than 5 people working there right now. It's probably just Denis sitting in a chair masturbating all day.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?