[DnD] Of Kobolds and Castles - D&D Learning Adventure I

Napping is all well and good. Little Mac may enjoy his snooze but THERE ARE OTHER PLANS.

HIGH ABOVE HIM PLANS

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GIANT STREAKING FIREBALLS FROM THE SKY PLANS.

Well, ok. One fireball. Still. IT LANDS RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ZENO.

Awakened from his ephemeral dream about a love affair with some hairy halfling, the monk looks into the dust cloud.

He hears it before he sees it.

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From the smoke emerges a robot. Oh yes. A robot with a glowing axe.

I AM OPTIMUS PRIME

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Optimus bellows forth.

NOISE MAKERS. SHOW YOURSELVES, FOR I AM OPTIMUS PRIME.

Prime likes to make himself known, that much is for certain.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll furious truck slamming noises

Seems the little green girly men would have none of Optimus's authoritative bellowing. A shame. FOR THEM.

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WILD SHAPE CHANGE...INTO A TRUCK

With a massive trailer coming out of hammerspace and giving him the edge he needs for SIGNIFICANT SMASHING, it becomes clear what he must do.

Charge to AI8.
Ardent Strike versus minion AI9
17 + 6 + 1 = 24 = hella dead minion

Sparklingly shiny grill meets Kobold face at a significant velocity. Splattered into a fine paste, Optimus remembers he's going to have to clean that out of there later, lest he wants to have a rust problem.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll I CUT YOU

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Robot Mode!



ALRIGHT DECEPTIJERKS, IT'S GO TIME

Charge to AE8, time to smack a bitch.
6+6+1=13 = Miss, fuck

Seems like Optimus has the same accuracy problems with his weaponry here as he does everywhere else. Next time STOP, THEN slash. Yes.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll CRONK

With no time for bullshit, Optimus just plants his axe clear halfway into the skull of the little green decepticon in front of him.

Virtuous Strike vs Minion AD8. Squished.

Despite all his smashing, he notices this little wispy person thing standing next to him. Bleeding or something? Do shadows bleed blood? Do shadows even...uhh...well, this is too much to think about.

SO HE PUNCHES HER IN THE FACE.

WITH ENERGON.

Lay on Hands Thia

The punch makes such a loud exploding noise that Thia is instantly liquified and then wraps ALL THE WAY AROUND to being a whole person again. Optimus is just that great.

The noise is so loud that the nearby kobold goes insane with robot envy. Happens a lot, apparently.

Divine Challenge Minion AF10

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls ACTION POINT MAYBE

Everything seems fine in this corner. Optimus is pleased. But not PLEASED ENOUGH. There are squishies to flatten.

Move to AH10.
AXE TO THE HEAD MINION AH11. FAIL MISERABLY.

The announcement of the small one's plans to go do some warning thing DISTRACTED HIM. Robots become quite ornery when distracted.

"HEY. ASSHOLE. GET BACK HERE."

And with that, he put his hand on this weird looking one's shoulder. "YOU. BE PREPARED."

ACTION POINT
PICK UP DAITUK, THROW HIM TOWARDS FLEEING GREEN PANSY MAN
No idea how far he goes but 15 should be good for something

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

2 Dice Rolls HE'S ON FIRE

COME BACK HERE DECEPTICREEP.

Move to AL13.

Wading only ankle deep into the stream, Optimus's light-piping glowed with robo-rage.

CHARGE. END WITH ARDENT STRIKE.

He lets go of his axe and...starts dribbling it. Somehow it bounces off the ground. How this happens, no one cares to ask. And at the very end, a short hop, skip, and jump away and...

HE'S ON FIRE.



BURY DAT AXE ALL THE WAY HOME.

8 damage. Divine Sanction if not dead.

FELIPE NO

Burn single surge to get to full.

The robot quickly searches the bodies. Maybe there is something on them of some use, and if not, maybe something that could shed a little light on the situation at hand. Y'never know.

Loot bodies

Suddenly, he remembers a movie he once saw. Maybe this'll work. He quickly searches for a spear, or any suitably lengthy branch from a tree, and checks if any of the kobold skulls haven't been caved in.

If successful, sever it, impale head on a stick for future sneaking assistance.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Optimus just looks at Daituk.

He realizes how easy it would be to dismember him, if he has to. This is good information to keep on hand for future use.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Prime throws a single dollar to everyone.

They're rich. Horray!

With his kobold puppet, Prime moves forward, popping his head around carefully to the two cave mouths to see if he can see anything.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

1 Die Roll Rattatatata

Prime watches everyone try to perform the simple task of walking forward.

He robo-sighs as he watches a little rain bring everyone to a stop. Pansies.

Go to north side of north cave mouth

Head on a pole is going to become more useful than he thought.

He sticks just the head around the corner, and waggles it to make it "talk".

"Hey guys I need a hand, can Jimmy and Joe Bob and Jimbo all come over here?"

Lure out the three minions I can see from there

Optimus signals to the rest of his crew. Maybe they'll pay some attention. Form up, get ready, three coming. Shank 'em.

Ready charge + Ardent Strike on the first one to leave the mouth of the cave.
8 + 6 + 1 = 15. Hit minion vs AC when/if they come out.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll SQUISH

HONK HONK

COMIN THROUGH MOTHERFUCKERS

Charge to AB-5
Ardent Strike on Minion.
squelch

OH YEAH BABY THAT'S HOW WE DO IT IN B'MORE

Most amazing jew boots

1 Die Roll BIFF

Who is this guy. Why is he here? Optimus is unsure.

He tries to axe it a question.

dammit

He fails.

*roboshrug*

Divine Challenge Green

I was speaking idiomatically.

2 Dice Rolls bitches ain't shit

Dinged up a little bit, Optimus registers a bit of a problem with his optical sensors.


Listen Mac! Dodge his punch then counter punch!

what


Join the Nintendo fun club today Mac!

The black man starts pounding his shoulder slightly faster. He feels...invigorated! Suddenly, he sees a star over the little green bastard.

Ardent LEFT HOOK
14 damage

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What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

3 Dice Rolls Bluffin' like a felon

The voice from afar doesn't sound so friendly. Optimus tries to reassure it.

"Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal."

The Goblin sounded confused. "What happened?"

"Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?"

"I'm coming up."

"Uh, uh... negative, negative. We had a reactor leak here now. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous."

Bluff Check on attempt to get Goblin to ignore noise.
17 is pretty good

Not giving the guy any time to get up and take a look at him, Optimus continues fixing the...erm..."leak".

Move to AC-21
Charge to AF-23
Ardent Strike on bloodied Skirmisher AF-24
12 Damage, Divine Sanctioned if not dead

The leak makes a crunching noise. The robot is pleased.

FELIPE NO