[DnD] Crusader (GFF D&D Adventure 2)

That dagger hurts monsters larger than the wielder, does it? Well it just wouldn't make sense for one of the larger party members to use this, so I took it.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

"I'm not burying that great big oaf on my own. You want his soul to find rest, you dig the grave."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Lucky for the party, I've been through meaner times than this and I was quite adept at cooking varmints into passable vittles.

I took the first shift, seeing as though I was in the best shape of the bunch. It was well past my bedtime of 8:30, but I ain't lettin' no feudin' elves get the best of us. Reminds me of the early days back home, when we were still feudin' with the Davises. Legend had it it started when Old Jeremiah Davis stole my great-great-granddaddy's shoes just before a rainstorm; well, he ain't take kindly to that, no Conmara can countance thievin' scoundrels. It eventually ended when the Davises, weak from inbreeding, all succumbed to typhoid. Just goes to show ya, don't keep it in the family.

I was quite tired when my watch was over, so you can imagine how riled I got when I heard a stranger's voice in our camp. That it was "friend" and not foe didn't help. A weaker person would just bury themselves in their covers, and bear fur blankets are quite comfortable, but I know my manners so I greeted the Lord.

"Mornin', Lord! Pardon me for askin' why you're back so soon though. Ain't there be some zombies or sommat you were persuin' yesterday?"

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Well, it jes' don't seem right to me that someone of your high stature and importance in the community is running around fixin' all these monsters. I mean yes it's right neighbourly of you, but ain't you got paperwork and lordin' and all that to do?"

I was speaking idiomatically.

This night is full of suprises. The idiot city lady has shown some cleverness after all. Not about telling us about the ruse, that seemed simple enough, but rather that she was bright enough to tell us instead of letting us figure it out for ourselves. Looks like the prior battle twigged these people onto working as a team, not as five separate people who just happen to be in the same place at the same time.

It's rude to interrupt a line of questioning, so I took the time to study Lord Broden's appearance. Does he lie about his faith as he does about his quarry?

religion check

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Towering slightly over the prone doppelganger, I take the opportunity to size up the situation. Get a good yawn in, stretch t' avoid muscle damage later, that sort of thing.

Switch mace for horn dagger
Righteous Brand at doppelganger, bonus to Motsognir
Action Point
Wrathful Thunder at doppelganger

FELIPE NO

I pulled the halfling's bolt out of my side, and smelled the head. It smells like.. wait... yes, rattlesnake venom, and gila lizard blood to give it extended durability in the body at the expense of noxiousness. I can see where they were going with this concoction, but my personal preference is for goblin bile instead of gila lizard blood. Its deleterious effects are compounded, in addition to acting as a preservative. I keep a goblin around the homestead for this very purpose, which is why I know how to communicate with them so well. He don't mind none, I feed him right except every week or two I give him a stew of thistle and rapeseed and up it comes.

You betcha.

Anyway, it ain't right for folks to fight their kin, even if they're opposin' each other. Feudin's one thing, that's personal and ain't nobody gonna stop you from satisfaction. But I ain't got no quarrel with this'un. Why come he thinks he can try to poison me? A doctor? It can't stand, it can't.

"You there! Did you grow up in a barn that you forgot your manners like this? Your daddy a passing tom in a rut, your momma ain't live more'n three years before she got crushed by the horses? I'mma learn you some manners."

I switched to my mace, the dagger being useless for the coming battle. As I came in for the swing, I shouted the same thing heard ringing countless times in the hills of my home:

"MIND YOUR ELDERS!"

move to m12
Avenging Flame on Halfling
the epic battle has begun


What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I cackled at Iggy's useless attack.

"Who took your family in when no one else would, on account'a your daddy bein' a drunk and a leper? I did! Who tried to teach y' how to fish and hunt, and take care'a y'self, on account'a your daddy dyin' from leperoic cirrosis? I did! Who went out at the crack of dawn every mornin' to administer healin' t' earn enough for you to go to bard school in the big city? I did! And when you got beat up by the kids at school cuz you ain't carry a tune worth a damn, who taught you how to hide dead fish in their lutes so that they wouldn't figure out where the smell came from? I did!"

"And this is how you repay me. You ain't so big I can't put you over my knee!"

And then I did just that.

Attempt to bend Iggy over my knee and spank him with my mace
Healing Word to Gabriel at some point too

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"Don't you sass m-- Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

moves to n14 since flanking is our new favorite thing
Righteous Brand on Iggy, bonus to Argumentus

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Now, I reckon you think I ain't a fit guardian to let blood be beaten about by the horde. Family gotta take care of they's own, right? I know how to handle them youngins. Let 'im go out in the world, get knocked around a bit. He's too big for his britches; he needs to learn himself some manners.

It sure done brought a tear to my eye to watch him handle himself against the three damage-dealers. He does me proud, he does. But to be soft on him now would be to lose the entire lesson. I've seen too many kids go bad because their kinfolk got soft; you can't spare the rod.

"Boy don't you make me come over there! I will whip you so hard you won't be able to sit down for a week!"

Flank Iggy on R10
Righteous Brand again, bonus to Bob

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I bring Iggy to the fire and do my best to make him comfortable. He's going to have a humdinger of a headache when he wakes up, and I hate to see kids suffer too much.

Sometimes I wonder if I don't spoil 'em.

Overhearing the dwarf, I search Iggy's bag and take three quarters of his gold. Misadventure shouldn't be rewarded, but he did earn his share, all the same. He stood against a group that stood against a dragon, after all.

Family tended to, I check on the rest of the horde, thanking each one in turn for not giving the boy an easy ride. I'm sure they understand, most of them are barely youths still themselves.

While we're resting up, I decide to brew a healing potion. The reagents are weighing me down and each battle makes me feel sore I haven't used them yet. I guess I'm getting forgetful in my old age.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

"Let Iggy keep his weapons, giant man-golem. He has to leave in one piece too, we're not taking him."

I take the rest of the cash and stuff it back in his pack, and distribute 50 gp each to the party. then I think better of it and take another 25gp from Iggy as "aunt taxes".

I also take the antivenom.

I was speaking idiomatically.

"Don't fret about it. He's a tough boy, just a little wet behind the ears. Thanks for not cutting off his arm."

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I had wanted to go check on the lord as well, seein' as though he probably ain't made it and he needs a proper funeral. But I also need to be seein' what Iggy knew; once the body's in the ground the survivors will be wantin' revenge, and I owe it to them that they get it, what with my blood possibly being responsible for the slaying.

"Skull dwarf! You believe in a pile of stovewood as a god, but he's still a god. Can you give final rites? I reckon I'd like to talk to my kin for awhile, and it might be better if he wasn't surrounded by men fiendin' after a funeral. I'll stay behind if you can see that man gets tended to."

I pick up Brody's religious icon and tossed it Gabe's way. "On th' other hand, you should probably send him to his proper maker. I ain't like to see a soul deviate from Melora's path, but Bahamut is just as good as Kord in my eyes."

FELIPE NO

"Have some respect for the dead! Ain't nothin' womanly about sendin' a man home. If you don't understand that, you don't deserve to wear that fist."

How ya doing, buddy?

Seein' as though I knew Iggy since he was knee-high to a grasshopper, I felt I had a better insight to his personality than most. I explained to the rest of the group how I came to be takin' care of him and his family, sharing a few charming stories of the time he went fishin' and took home a bigger catch than even his grandaddy Griddley, who been a fishmonger in his younger days and supposedly started a fad for coecelanth such that we done fished them all out.

Insight check

While walking down memory lane, I noticed the idiot city-lady taking a good hard look at Iggy's personal artifacts. I sure hope she was just looking for religious symbols rather than seeing what else we could steal.

assist Bob's religion check

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"What other organizations may have been sent this bounty? Is the HBA the only game in town?"

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The drow is tryin' his best to be threatenin', but they do trade off the backs'a mere boys. How tough could they be?

"I heard tell this place is for halfling benevolence. Well, I'm a halfling. Benevolent me."

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I wasn't in the mood for shoppin' or socializin'. It was bad enough that we had't sully our hands in such business what pits the naive against the naive, but I was a mere 37 gp away from anything good in the stores.

I had wanted to purify the cemetery earlier, however, before we got mixed up in all this Broden business, so I agreed with the giant man-golem and the idiot city-lady.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?