DEAR ASSHOLES WHO WHINE A LOT

I am, shall we say, less than satisfied with your unpaid service to this free Internet video game forum I frequent.

Here is an itemized list of my complaints, all of which I expect to be remedied by morning:

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Early-onset dementia is no excuse.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I... am making a Spartacus forum.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I feel as though your reaction may be mildly disproportionate to the level of seriousness with which this discussion was conducted.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?