Bible time?

I know the story. I'm Jewish, so there's a lot less to read, anyway. I don't actively read it, though.

Also, I go to synagogue twice a year, for Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashana. Maybe more, depending on the number of Bnai Mitzvahs that year.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

What's so much better about being Jewish? Also, just how Jewish was this family. Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, (gulp) Hasidic?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

The undershirt you're talking about is just a more practical form of a Tallit for daily use.

And, yeah, Reform (not Reformed, as my Rabbi once told me. "We're still reforming!" Haha.) Jews are a lot more relaxed about everything, it seems.

Conservative are still a little relaxed, but the main Conservative Rabbi around here is pretty strict, and really, a total douche. There was this co-Rabbi before who worked with him, but he quit because he couldn't stand the other Rabbi. He was this huge, 6'6" 300-some pound guy, with a nice Jew-fro, and a big beard. He was really funny and totally cool. I really liked him, and saw him a lot in the community. Hell, he played on the synagogue basketball team.

And then there are the Orthodox. These guys are fucking SERIOUS about Judaism. Almost like the internet. They go to synagogue everyday, and don't seem as carefree, and never make jokes during services. Plus, the women sit away from the men during their services, which is pretty odd. They're the ones you always see wearing the "undershirts", and kippas, or yamakahs.

The ones with the black hats and suits on all the time are the Hasidic. These are the extremely religious Jews, who adhere to as many commandments as possible. It's totally impractical for today, but they do it somehow. Haven't met many of these guys, but they are even more serious than the Orthodoxes.

As for the kids I have met, the majority of them are Conservative. Considering I went to a private Conservative Jew school for 6 years, this isn't really a surprise. They're your typical American kids for the most part. Some keep kosher, but they are in the minority. Same goes for kippa use.

The reform kids I know are completely "normal", and most of them never go to synagogue, save the so called "High Holidays". There were only a few of them at my school. Still, completely normal. Don't keep kosher. Don't wear kippot.

Orthodox kids are a mixed bunch. There's this kid Benny Schwartz (no relation!) who smokes weed everyday, and has sex regularly. He's not the usual Orthodox, but he's not in some HUGE minority, either. Some are pretty normal, some aren't, but all of them wear Tallits and kippot all of the time, keep kosher, and go to synagogue regularly.

I have never met a hasidic kid, but I see a ton of them around the neighborhood. They dress in all black, wear the hats and tallits, and grow out their sideburns into "peyot". You know the story from there. They're the typical, extremely Jewish kids.

So yeah, that's the little breakdown.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah, Sabbath, or the Hebrew, Shabbat. The Torah says you can't do any work then, and this somehow extends to not being able to use ANY electricity, including lights, and cars. Also, it begins sundown Friday night, and ends sundown Saturday night.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Shomer Shabbas is just the name for the people that keep the Sabbath.

I was speaking idiomatically.

It has to do with the sparkplugs making fire. Not sure on the specifics.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I told you they are only the extreme Jews and are in the minority. They take the Torah at face value, and use it in everything they do.

FELIPE NO