Am I dumb for wishing I loved someone?

If you look beyond all that, like what was said before, it will not work, no matter how much you force yourself to mentally believe, nothing can force you to love someone. In the end you will realize that doing so was a grave mistake and it will hurt the one you 'want to love' more than it will hurt you. I advise that you not try to push love and let it grow by itself, like said by Zora Hurston; "Love is like a blossoming tree" meaning that you cannot just push love, you must wait for it to grow, not saying that this guy might not be the "one" but you must let it settle out emotionally because you do something physically.

Jam it back in, in the dark.