Hello! I want some opinions about my novel in progress...

Okay, I know some people don't want to read it unless they really really have to, but please do and tell me what degree of suck it is.

I really want to know what others think of it.

So write me back and give an opinion as well as cheking back every once in a while to see if I've added some more!

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Thanks!
Really. I'll try to edit today.

Claudius isn't necessarilly EVIL as of yet, just a good bit jealous.
The truly EVIL part is yet to come.

Spoiler:

As most of you who have seen it I'm sure have understood, this is a blatant reinterpritation of Hamlet.

For those of you who haven't figured out the logic in the names yet, here it is: (note: some characters have yet to be introduced)

Hamlet's father, Alexander: Later in the play, Horatio makes the comment, "Alexander is dead..." this is where I got his name, althoughwe all know he was talking about Alexander the great.

Gertrude: ever heard of GERD? the stomach problem? what precedes that? The Esophagus. Beautify it a bit and you get EUSOPHANICE.

Ophelia: O, I feel ya. That's how I thought of it. Emotion is a synonym of feeling, thus, you get EMOTIA.

Horatio: His name is John because I can't think of anything else.

Laertes: Lair = Den. Dennis.

Why the strange last names? They all remind you of poison. In fact, the name of Gaia's moon is Poisson (fr. for Poison, I think)

Corny? You bet, but hopefully the plot twists will make up for that.
You may think you know the story, but I'll change it a GOOD bit so it won't be quite the same.

Also, on a side note, this is going to end up a dystopian fiction novel, hopefully.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Thanks! I'll take that all into consideration.

Also as you have seen, I have a BIG problem with grammar and making sure that I mean what i say.

Any time you point it out, the more thankful I am that this is here.


This is the edited version before I saw the last comment:

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by erock12

Vrixton, vrixton, vrixton, vrixton...vrixton. you and your extra large words that are barely understandable...you've done it again and i commend you for a job well done so far...keep it up...your friend. erica:biggrin:

Thnx ERICA!!!!!

So...........................
:eyebrow:
I think I just posted the whole Idea for it on this Yahoo Group, but I don't think I hit the submit button. So fuck that, I'm not writing it over again.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Yay! Some people willing to pick apart every sentence and murder it!!!

You all have no Idea how happy this makes me.

(Hmmm... sounding a bit masochist, are we?)

I truly do appreciate it. It takes a true person to tell another how much their work sucks. Believe me, sometimes I wonder.


Oh, and I thought that I should mention, Shakespeare is now hereby proven to be a bad english model.

Thnx once again!
Die Vierzehn Einjahres

I was speaking idiomatically.

I completely agree, lightwamth.

As for the other 2 who have spent much of the page hacking at each other,
I would say that both of you really do need to take this outside.

Perhaps Freud would have something to say.

Anyway, I've never seen a show that had a planet named Gaia (then again, I don't watch cartoons anyway) and now that you mention it, it is a good bit cliche.
Any suggestions on changing it?

I really do appeciate all that is said (although it can ALWAYS be put in better words) although it appears that the two of you are more interested in being right.

Anyway, I'm going to go back to my draft in a few weeks and maybe you'll find it better.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

He wrote a lot of unoffensive things!
Totem and Taboo is one.
The Psychopathology of Everyday Life is another.

Yes, I do remember Gaia Online now.

Is H'triae any good?

Seems simple to me, besides the fact that it's almost Eart'h Spelled backwards.


Side note: Hamlet isn't a playwrite. Shakespeare is. Hamlet is a play.

FELIPE NO

The problem with that is that I don't want it to sound TOO MUCH like a fantasy novel, because I'm trying really hard for it not to be.

The strange thing is that this book plays on the idea that there is ONE planet out there that has intelligent life A LOT like us.

Here's all I got left:
Kish
Hek
Krak
Coccaine (psych)
ummmmmm...........
now for some serious stuff:
Szhent
Gni (pronounced ny)
Ny
Symfir
Earth II

The last one I like.
It's easy.
Besides, for all I know, the people might be descendents from a rogue Earth colony.
Htriae

maybe just taking out the apostrophe will help.

lightwarmth, I hadn't read your post when I wrote the new version:

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

I'm closing this and moving it to my own thread.

This is getting too big for a poll thread, in my opinion

Jam it back in, in the dark.