D&D Arena: Brutal Bastards, Beegraks and von Brandt

4 Dice Rolls Initiative-Rulk

No no no, don't go in there. It stinks, you know?

Despite the goblin's best persuasion, Iron Brandt strides purposefully into the corpse room. His paranoid instincts tell him that their erstwhile host was planning an ambush; he cannot be dissuaded from investigating.

How right he was!

(Sigh) I had hoped it wouldn't have come to this. Rulk!!!

A large meaty hand blasts right through the mound of corpses, sending gore and body parts flying everywhere. The hand's owner draws itself to its full length of eight feet. The gigantic monstrosity is entirely made out of corpses.

Gentlemen? Meet the project. I had hoped to incorporate your bits and pieces with Rulk peacefully. As you can see, he's a gigantic red monster. I need bile, you see. Yellow humour from living beings. Need to stain him green. i mean, Who's ever heard of a red hulk?

Now abandoning all pretense of jocularity, Smarno prepares for combat.

Anyway! Rulk, smash!

------------------

Defenses:
Smarno: AC 22 Fort 21 Ref 22 Will 20
Rulk (Decrepit Flesh Golem): AC 20 Fort 23 Ref 18 Will 19

Terrain considerations: Corpse room is entirely difficult terrain.

Cyrus (24), Rulk (15), Smothas (7), Smarno (4)

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Slam vs BR

I'm a Baron, you know. Casting aspersions on my birth is unforgivable in my book. RULK! SMASH LIZARD. I'LL CRUSH ARMORMAN!

The obedient golem squeezes itself through the door, its long sinewy arms threatening all enemies from eight feet away. Suddenly, its fingers ball into a fist, and slams it right down on Smothas Beegraks.

Slam: +11 vs AC. 2d8+5 damage; target pushed 2 squares.

The dragonborn doesn't even feel it.

Such durability! I simply must have your hide for my project!

Smothas (+1 x8), Smarno, ROUND 2 Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk

I was speaking idiomatically.

5 Dice Rolls *Oshi resurgent smite hits

Beegraks burns brightly in a nova explosion of exploits. But not before narrowly dodging a wayward golem hand, thrown in reaction to his halitosis breath.

Berserk Attack: Immediate reaction. Free slam attack vs. random enemy.
Attack misses due to penalty from squeezing.
Resurgent Smite actually hit due to combat advantage from squeezing. 25 damage; Von Brandt regains 27 HP.
Fuck squeezing. I should've just eaten Beegraks' opportunity attack.

I don't know why a meat head like you are swinging around that tiny knife. But you just reminded me. I need to get my good mace. Please wait a while, thanks!

With that, Smarno ducks into the doorway, and disappears from Cyrus' view . But not before sustaining a painful wound.

Von Brandt's Opportunity attack deals 7 damage.

Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x9), Smarno, ROUND 3

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

6 Dice Rolls Zone damage

Cyrus boldly pursues Smarno Bonnor, the Manor-born Son of Baron Mon Sorn. No Morons Barn in the family, that's for sure. Judging by the goblin's high-pitched cackle however, he's reasonably certain Smarno has no Man Orb nor Son.

As he rounds the corner, a small orange object lands on the floor in front of him. It looks like a vegetable of some sort.

Aha, aha, aha ha ha ha THINK FAST!!!!

Readied Action triggers (attack anyone who pursues)

Pumpkin Bomb: +10 vs. Fortitude. 1d10+4 force damage. Area burst 1 within 10; creates zone.

The resulting explosion was more flash than substance - Iron Brandt has seen worse concussions. Admittedly, the aftereffects of this one are worse than most.

End of Turn in zone: 10 force damage to von Brandt

Rulk wobbles unsteadily after Beegraks' savage attack, moving haphazardly towards the dragonborn and leaving him an opening. He takes it, but immediately regrets it when the creature starts rampaging at him.

Opportunity attack: 12 damage to Rulk.
Golem Rampage: Move at speed; slam against creatures whose spaces are entered.
Critical hit! 21 damage to Beegraks.
Action Point: Slam. Miss.

Beegraks is knocked back, barely dodging a follow-up strike from the raging golem. Rulk straightens into his full height, and trundles slowly towards the smotherer bandit.

Smothas (+1 x9), Smarno, ROUND 3: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk,

FELIPE NO

4 Dice Rolls Did it hurt?

Calling on the power of the interloper god Zehir (who, incidentally is a relatively unknown quantity at present), Beegraks bravely smites the golem. Fully expecting the blowback, he attempts to shift to a corner - but Rulk is too fast. Only sheer luck (or was it Zehir's intercession?) protected him from the worst of the retaliatory attack.

Berserk Attack is an immediate reaction to taking damage, so it resolves after the attack but before your next action. Sorry!

Meanwhile, the Invincible Iron Brandt continues his face-off against the green goblin!

Ehehehehehe, here's another one! Just for you!

And indeed, there's a scrawl ("♥☺♂ Metal Man ♂☺♥") on the strange device Smarno tosses at Von Brandt. Engrossed in trying to read it, the explosion catches Von Brandt by surprise. The metal suit collapses to the ground with Cyrus still in it, stuck in a very compromising situation.

Von Brandt takes 12 force damage. Prone.

Now that's more like it! Now, please stay in that position, and this will be over really soon, promise!

Smarno confidently approaches the fallen sorcerer, brandishing a crude bone mace in one hand. In the other hand, a small instrument is clearly visible.

Oh, this? It's just a little something extra I made for the project! Let's test it, shall we?

Smarno tosses the device towards Iron Brandt, but it abruptly changes direction and zooms outside the door. Homing in towards Rulk, It attaches to its back with a click.

Rulk AC increases by 1. Now AC21 Fort 23 Ref 18 Will 19.

Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 4:

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

5 Dice Rolls Gimme back golem rampage!!!

Hmmm, beginning analysis of sample from specimen designate:MagicMeathead. Half-elf, late forties looks like. It looks like I can use this humor for Rulk after all!

Hey, where are you going? Come back here, you!

Iron Brandt, nauseous from the stench of rotten meat, heads towards a creature made entirely of corpse meat. There's nothing like total immersion therapy to fixing a phobia!

Smarno takes a swing at the departing sorcerer, but the mace bounces uselessly on Iron Brandt's makeshift shield. breaking it but doing no further damage.

First attack vs. AC breaks box lid shield.

Meanwhile, Rulk continues slammin' a dragonborn. Why mess up a good thing? The fist flies furious and true; Beegraks finds himself sailing helplessly backward, his back finally impacting a featureless steel door blocking the path.

17 damage to Beegraks.

ENTER PASSWORD.

Who said that? Certainly wasn't the Rulk - it cannot seem to even vocalize anything other than a guttural groan. Perhaps it's just Beegraks' imagination.

Beegraks having been put in his place, the Rulk casts about for the closest threat. Waving its unnaturally long arms about, it slowly advances on the shellhead.

Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 4: Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk,

Jam it back in, in the dark.

6 Dice Rolls Damage to Von Brandt

You can't avoid an OA by going that route against a reach 2 combatant (they suck, don't they? Really hated it when Pang used them, hr hr.). Still, I'm reserving that immediate action for Berserk Attack. Just so you know

Beegraks flanks his quarry with the aid of Iron Brandt's distraction. His vicious attack carves out substantial chunks of flesh from the creature's midsection. Having gotten Rulk's undivided attention, the dragonborn gamely accepts a gigantic fist to the face.

Rulk bloodied by Villainous Strike.
11 damage to Beegraks, bloodied. Pushed back 2 squares.

Smarno takes a step outside the door, and promptly throws another strange orange device just in front of Iron Brandt's feet.

I must admit you're more powerful than most - nobody's ever pushed Rulk like that before. But give it up already. This would be over painlessly if you just cooperate!

Pumpkin Bomb (reflavored Shard Orb) centered on K21.
12 damage to von Brandt, knocked prone. Bloodied.

Cyrus (+1 x3), Rulk, Smothas (+1 x1), Smarno, ROUND 5

There's nowhere I can't reach.

3 Dice Rolls Pow on Cyrus' Face

I-impossible. C-can't.... No, mustn't die here. Not in a place like this.... Rulk, fall back!

Rulk responds to Cyrus' aggression with a fist to the face. Unfortunately for his master, the blow clangs out uselessly against the sorcerer's plate armor. His resolve strengthened, the magic man blasts poor Smarno with the most powerful thunder ball he can muster.

The half-elf punctuates this feat with a magnificent acrobatic leap - sailing clear of the towering golem's head, and landing handily right next to his dragonborn lackey.

Opportunity attack vs Cyrus misses: Divine Sanction! 6 necrotic damage
Bonnor more than bloodied by Thunder Bomb.

Rulk obeys his master, but not before a parting shot at the accursed sorcerer's face. The shot goes wild, however.

The flesh golem gingerly scoops up the goblin like a rag doll, and encases him in a protective hug. Any attack against the goblin will now have to go through him.

Slam vs Cyrus misses.
Smarno will be delaying until after Cyrus' next turn.

Smothas (+1 x1), ROUND 5 Cyrus (+1 x4), Smarno, Rulk,


This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

4 Dice Rolls *Excellent. Did it hurt?

Smarno opens his mouth to voice his severe discomfort at the lizard's hermaphroditic breakdown, but Cyrus' whirlwind was more than enough to silence the goblin. In this case, permanently, as Smarno's neck cracks after a collision with his special project.

As the flesh golem looks at his dead master, something snaps inside the creature's primitive mind. Rulk stashes the green goblin inside a body cavity, gets on its feet, and charges our antagonists. Von Brandt takes the full force of the impact, and is roughly pushed away by 10 feet.

Meanwhile, Beegraks feels a little tingle of emotion. It's a little shocking really, but probably something he has to get used to should he pursue his relationship with Cyrus.

4 lightning damage to Beegraks for starting next to Cyrus (Shocking Magnetism).
Smarno dies a horrible death.
Golem gets up, stashes Smarno in 'pack', and charges Von Brandt culminating in melee basic attack (Slam). 9 damage, blasted back to R21.

Smothas (+1 x2), ROUND 6 Cyrus (+1 x4), Rulk

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

7 Dice Rolls The Beegs OAs Rulk

Beegraks' relentless flail clangs loudly against Rulk's muscled chest. And then it impacts something... soft. Although the dragonborn didn't see it before the golem's blow-back, a Smarno-shaped chunk flew out the golem's back, striking the ground some twenty-feet away.

The attack threw Rulk into a rampage - its meaty hands catches Beegraks unawares, blasting him backwards. Redoubling its efforts, the golem charges into the dastardly duo. The dragonborn again catches the worst of it; the creature's backhand sends him sprawling closer towards the strange talking door.

Berserk Attack: 16 damage and Beegraks pushed to S22.
Golem Rampage: 9 damage and Beegraks swatted back to Q22. Golem stops at S21:T22.

Where was the hated metal man who singlehandedly killed his beloved master? Rulk could dully hear the man's wheedling voice, but his vocabulary was quite limited. Not that golems have free will, of course. Their arcane creation ties them to the will of their creators.

With vengeance in mind, the golem swoops down the corridor in search of its prey. That metal man couldn't have gotten far, and really, there's nowhere else he can run off to.

Cyrus of course is chuckling to himself, complementing his clever mind for such a successful hide-and-seek game with a golem. Being knee-deep in partially-dissected corpses, probably Smarno's work, doesn't bother him in the least. Mama Von Brandt didn't raise no wussy kids.

Golem moves to Y21:Z22.

Whether you choose to pursue or end the encounter now is entirely up to you. Of course, Rulk would probably go down in the next round anyway

Smothas (+1 x2), ROUND 7 Cyrus (+1 x4), Rulk

I was speaking idiomatically.

Beegraks hurries over to examine the Smarno-shaped blob thirty feet away from him. In the six seconds it takes him to close the gap and clear away rotting golem meat from the corpse, Rulk has cleared the corner, his heavy footsteps ever fainter echoing from further southwest.

As the Dragonborn attempt to crack open the green goblin's skull for some delicious food, he's faced with some very odd revelations.

First off, there's hair beneath the goblin's scalp, something most unusual for the race. Second, the goblin's face is extremely rubbery, almost as if it were a mask of some sort. In fact, the face IS a mask; underneath the goblin mask was the face of a halfling. Still very dead from Cyrus' machinations, of course.

Once Beegraks rips off the goblin mask to affix to his skull mask, he sees a metal band

encircling Smarno's head. It is resplendent with glowing runes carved in a language the dragonborn doesn't understand. He's seen a similar sort of headband before on some real metal men back in his caravan-raiding days, but never in a creature this size.

He's going to have to wear it himself for a time in order to ascertain its use, the dragonborn rues, as he feasts on fresh halfling brains.

* VICTORY! ENCOUNTER ENDS *
Enforced short rest. Do whatever you want.

Additional Spam:
Oh yeah, map of the environs:

Pretend there's a goblin corpse in Row L.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Beegraks takes a few bites from the halfling's corpse, eventually finding the victuals not as delightful as pink mushy brains. He rips Smarno's metal band from his head, and tosses the desecrated body aside. Smarno's mace and backpack clatter violently on the ground unheeded, as the dragonborn is already fixated on his next target: a magically-sealed chest.

The paladin enters the chest room, and immediately inserts his glowing keys into the lock. Something hums, and the lid clicks open. The chest is brimming with light, it seems.

Beegraks lifts up the lid to get a better look, but was blasted back by a strange force. Ashe picked himself up from the ground, he hears a ghostly voice emanating from within.

If thou desire what lies within
In five straight lines, the orbs must be
Each line with four, no less, no more
Think well, lest misfortune strike thee.

Ten glowing balls of light pop out from the box, landing at Beegraks' feet.

-------

Meanwhile, Cyrus recklessly places a completely unknown object on his head. He feels nothing at first, but a fleeting vision suddenly assault his mind. He's pounding on something. Pounding enthusiastically, almost desperately. But where is he? No sooner than the thought formed in his mind, the vision lifts.

The grave-robbing sorcerer painstakingly combs through the corpses before him, looking for any valuables Smarno might have failed to abscond with. Most of the bodies were evidently stolen from a grave site, as traces of mud and dirt can be found on their clothes.

Still, the decedents though dressed in appropriate burial livery were likely peasants, taking very little treasure with them to the next life.

Cyrus finds:

• 1 set of Footpads
• Scattered copper and silver coins amounting to 20 gold pieces of wealth
• A candle
• A tattered ritual book, with two rituals already inscribed inside

FELIPE NO

Beegraks pilfers the possessions of his latest meal. Smarno the halfling was unfortunate enough to die with valuable treasure on him.

1. Goblin Totem Mace
2. Residuum, worth 250 gp.

In addition, Bonnor was carrying a number of non-magical items in his pack.

1. Chains, 10 feet
2. Chalk (red), 1 piece
3. Disguise Kit, 1 set
4. Glass Cutter
5. Identification Papers with Portrait (non-standard)
6. Journeybreads, 5 loaves.

Around a half-dozen orange-colored devices, the same type he was lobbing at the Sorcerer, are strewn about his pack.

---------

The instant von Brandt completes the pentagram, it glows bright red. The chest Beegraks opened tentatively is flung wide open, bathing the room with illumination. When the light show ends, nothing remains of the chest. In its place, Beegraks sees a horned animal

, apparently wearing armor, staring at the paladin with a confused look on its face.

Yours to name, Ry. Both the species and the pet name.

But Cyrus wasn't in the room mentally. He's in a cave of some sort, looking at some smashed rocks in a slightly-singed floor. The vision ends just as it begins, although he could swear he was much taller there than he usually is.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Both Cyrus and Beegraks wastes no time in ingratiating themselves with an animal even dumber than the dim-witted paladin.

If "Horny" saw any vision similar to the ones that assailed Cyrus, she gave no outward indication. Apparently the circlet is located too far away from the creature's brain to affect it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

"What a massive horn!" Cyrus thinks to himself, as Beegraks mounts the beast. The sorcerer gazes transfixed at the magnificent size and breadth of the rigid shaft. He can't get enough of that supersized body part. Its after-image lingers in his consciousness long after Horny and her scaly friend trundle outside the cramped room.

Beegraks guides Horny down the corridor, making sure for her to stomp rudely on Smarno's corpse. The passage terminates in a dead-end, with what appears to be a rusty torture device flush against the far wall. Beegraks turns his rhinoceros to the left, forcing it to squeeze into the Smarno tried to lure the dragonborn into.

The room is marked by cobwebs and dried smears of blood. The room's walls are covered with dust, save for two objects: a switch to the right, and a throne made of solid stone right in front of the two. A sign next to the lever reads: "Erocktrick Chair".

Most amazing jew boots

Cyrus seats himself on the throne, and demands the dragonborn to flip the switch.

Beegraks obliges his comrade, and watching passively as a few stone tiles from the wall on either side of the throne start to jut out. Before he could utter a sound, the tiles fly out of the wall violently, hurtling full speed towards each other. They meet with a sickening *crack* where Cyrus head was. Tiles and head are all pulverized in that glorious orgiastic instant.

Get the Flash Player to play this audio file:
Cyrus' headless body tumbles to the ground, blood spurting from the open wound on his neck. Just as the dragonborn contemplates on yet another blood fountain feast, an unearthly glow suffuses the half-elf's corpse.

What happens next defies all earthly explanation. Perhaps the slimplest is that Beegraks hallucinated it all. Only tails grow back. Heads. Do. Not.

Beegraks and von Brandt lose a life. 2 left.
Von Brandt restored to full vitality.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

At first glance, room is devoid of anything other than the Erocktrick Chair and the lever. However, Beegrak's insistent examination reveals a tiny document wedged under the chair.

It reads:

Dear Customer:

Thank you for the purchase of the Techno Word-Access Tester 5000.

As the very latest in Alchemical technology, the TWAT5000 has been specially engineered to utilize your most frequent utterances within the training period as the given passphrase.

No further interaction with the TWAT5000 is required.

For any questions, our customer service representatives are only a Sending ritual away.

Sincerely,
The DoomSayer Alchemical Company

The rejuvenated sorcerer straps in Smarno's half-eaten corpse, and flips the switch. Although the halfling's head explodes in spectacular fashion, his resurrection does not appear to be forthcoming.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Dice Roll *Gore damage

CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!

Beegraks runs his horned mount right into the TWAT5000-protected door. Horny's horn makes a sizeable indentation in the stone, and something in the mechanism appears to give. It won't be able to survive another such attack.

15 damage to door; 7 damage to Horny.

ASSPERD --VAID! ISH RE--DER ASHPERD

Although Horny suffered ony superficial damage from hitting a door, the headband at the end of its horn was not quite so lucky. Although the pair didn't know it, they had just destroyed Smarno's Command Circlet

. It would have allowed the wearer to control the flesh golem like a marionette. How sad.

I was speaking idiomatically.

3 Dice Rolls Initiative-Tarrasque

The dragonborn perseveres in his charge, charging his charge to charge the already-charged wall. This time, the rhinoceros proves more powerful than the slab of stone, and the momentum carries the dragonborn, his steed, and the door for several feet.

Beegraks is in a new room now, a natural cavern of sorts. In the nick of time, he espies a deep hole ahead, and immediately throttles Horny. The pair stop short of the hazard, but the slab goes hurtling into the hole, where it impacts the ground with a thunk and a splash.

Within a split second of the coppery scent assaulting his nostrils, the dragonborn realizes that the massive hole ahead of him was filled to the brim... with blood.

Before his horrified eyes, a dark shadow rises from the blood pool, apparently nursing a bump on its head. The creature is gargantuan, larger than any dragon he's ever seen. The reptilian creature has two massive horns on its head, each horn as big as the paladin. Issuing a massive roar, the creature draws itself to its full height of fifty feet, and glares at the two intruders.

Defenses:
Tarrasque: AC 34 Fort 40 Ref 29 Will 23 (surprised)

Surprise Round: Beegraks | Round 1: Tarrasque, Von Brandt, Beegraks

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

1 Die Roll Great Jumpin' Lizards

Probably sensing a severe threat to his life and limb, the Paladin beats a hasty retreat. To his horror, what was a clear passageway a few moments ago was nothing but solid rock.

The gigantic lizard cuts through the thick pool with great ease. A short leap later, and the Tarrasque has already brought the dragonborn and his pet within striking range.

Tarrasque double-moves and climbs out the pool.

Von Brandt, Beegraks, ROUND 2: Tarrasque

FELIPE NO

5 Dice Rolls *Lizard is hurt

Hearing a loud commotion, Von Brandt rushes towards his erstwhile ally.

But the foolish fool was just foolishly standing by the slab he had his bulette charge! Typical lazy Beegraks not to finish the job he's started. Oh well, it wouldn't be too difficult for the mighty sorcerer to dispatch the obstacle, what with an indentation of Horny's horn already evident on the damaged stone slab.

Wait, did the dragonborn just spit on the slab? What is going on here?

---

The paladin's in a serious fight for his life now! Now that escape has been barred with magic rocks that appeared out of nowhere, there was nothing else to do but to spit in the monster's eye. Too bad for Beegraks, the tarrasque doesn't seem to particularly mind his poisonous breath. Maybe it didn't need eyes to see.

Then, from the corner of his eye, Beegraks spots an escape route to his left. He motions his rhinoceros to charge to the gap. It's a tight fit, but Horny should be able to squeeze through.

Horny is raked by the tarrasque's claws as she passes through the creature's reach. Then the gigantic lizard moved closer to our (anti)heroes, slashing at both rider and mount with furious attacks.

Bite vs Horny (OA): +25 vs AC. Hit for 24 damage, plus 15 ongoing (save ends).
Fury of the Tarrasque: Bite, plus Trample or Tail Slap.
Bite vs Horny. Critical miss!
Tail Slap vs Beegraks: +32 vs Fortitude. Hit for 42 damage; Beegraks pushed to I-1 and knocked prone.

Von Brandt, Beegraks, Round 2: Tarrasque

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

2 Dice Rolls Ow

Von Brandt boots a dangerous animal on the rear. It didn't particularly faze the heavily-armored rhinoceros, but Horny does respond with a startled kick. It barely connects, but a hit is still a hit.

Von Brandt takes 9 damage.

While clearing the stars from his eyes, the ground beneath Beegraks suddenly shakes violently. He hears a loud squeal behind him, presumably his poor mount being eaten alive by that over-sized lizard-dragon-thing he foolishly dropped a slab on.

Hey -- danger --- me --- slay.... Might--!

That sounded like the sorcerer, but where was he?

----

Back in reality, Cyrus von Brandt picks himself off the ground, cursing the bulette's stupidity. Recipes for bulette flit through his mind, and the half-elf suddenly feels hungry.

Then he feels it --- the creature's kick jolted him awake from the intoxicating effects of his resurrection. There is a faint undercurrent of magic emanating from very close by. He would probably be able to disrupt it with any spell, provided he can pinpoint the source.

Most amazing jew boots

7 Dice Rolls *Damage

Von Brandt's powerful lightning crumbles what's left of the security device into dust, just as Beegraks, in his reverie, decides to run full tilt from the Tarrasque. Taking her master's cue, Horny easily breaks through the barrier, and manages to charge 25 feet before crashing into a lighted fireplace. A passage leads to Beegraks' left hand side, but the way is barred by a brass door. The only furnishing in the room, Other than the fireplace, was a fine piece of leopard skin pelt, now trampled messily by a stupid rhino.

I guess my little April Fool's Tarrasque prank fooled no one

Told you! Told you it wouldn't work!

The voice came from a funny wrinkled humanoid monster, with a pair of glasses as its most prominent feature. It was standing in the room to the dragonborn's right. The paladin could faintly see some beer kegs to the monster's back. But what was more striking was the ... thing ... that it was talking to, lurking a few feet behind him, just to the back of the TWAT-5000.

It was by far the ugliest monster Beegraks has ever seen. Its crimson skin was mottled with sores, and - most distressingly - it had very long tentacles where its mouth should be. Cyrus' skin went cold as his partner relays this new information. The Half-Elf has heard tales of Far Realm abominations such as this, but this was the first time he's seen a mind flayer up close. This one appears to be exceptionally agile, given its ability to jump out of the way before Horny could gore it to death.

Get over here! Let's fight them on more favorable terrain!

...

The mind flayer snorts its disapproval, but retreats anyway. It looses a psionic barrage on the horned heroes roasting by the fireplace first before ducking back into the next room.

Mind Blast: +11 vs Will. Hits Beegraks for 18 and Horny for 13 psychic damage. Both dazed (save ends)

Von Brandt (23), Monster with the Glasses (12), Beegraks (10), ROUND 2: Mind Flayer Inquisitor (24)

How ya doing, buddy?

So, what happened to them?

They didn't make it past the illithid and his shady friend.

Seriously? Zoidberg was able to do them in? I'd expect the lich, but that... mind flayer reject?!

That's the strangest thing, my lord. Von Brandt just froze in place. And when Zoidberg went to eat his brains, there was nothing there!

Oh?

Nothing more than a strange mechanical device where his brain should be. I have absolutely no idea how he was able to move and think...

Do not concern yourself. Suffice to say that wasn't the real Cyrus Von Brandt. The cloning process clearly needs more refinement.

Oh.

But I assure you the dragonborn was real. What of him?

Smothas Beegraks? With Von Brandt incapacitated, he never really had a chance. But for what it's worth, he and his little pet put up a mighty struggle.

Did they survive?

Zoidberg didn't want to eat his brain. Says it wouldn't satisfy even a little bird. As for the rhinoceros, it died of wounds sustained in battle, but the dragonborn had some sort of scroll...

Ah yes, our standard two free resurrections. So Beegraks is alive? We can still use him?

He's back in the Arena, but not like before. I don't think we can use him, a lot of the fight's left him. He seems depressed about Von Brandt's death.

I can imagine. After all...

*click*

DID YOU KNOW THAT I'VE NEVER KNOWN HOW IT FEELS TO LOVE?

*click*

He seems to have formed quite the attachment to the sorcerer.

Most of the audience cheered right there and then, my lord. They never suspected they were being scryed on.

We'll have to start anew then. Shar will want to know about this setback. Sigh. Mark my words, that harlot will fall.

...

Continue casting your net, and inform me if you root out any promising candidates.

At once, Lord Cyric!

THE END
of
Beegraks and Von Brandt

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.