Dealing With Depression

I've always had depression for the longest time ever since I was 13 years old but I've always tried my best to try to overcome it and not let it get the best of me.

Ever since I made the choice to move away to work, I've been dealing with depression on a more constant basis. I decided to make the choice to move away because I wasn't really doing much with my life back home in terms of finding a long term career that focused on my field of study. I had to make a big sacrifice in order to try to build a stable foundation for me and my fiance.

I just sucks sometimes because I feel so sad because of everything that I gave up in order to secure a stable future for myself. My fiance is back home because it was a better way to secure more funds since it is so expensive to live up here. As much as I miss her, and the fact I only get to see her once every 3-4 months she is the one of a few people that gives me the much needed strength to try my best to survive all the emotional distress I have to endure while I work up here.

I'm just grateful that I have christmas holidays coming up so I can get home to see her and my family for the next three weeks starting on December 14th, but come January 6th its back to the same vicious cycle and its get harder on me everytime I leave, because I kind of feel it elevates my depression even more.

My dad more than anybody understands what I'm going through since he had to go through the same thing I did and he was already married and already had four kids at the time, so I know and respect the fact that he had it harder. He told me a very important thing, when I had to go to work. He told me that life should never be based on conveience, he said that if your not ready to sacrifice for the things that are most precious to you, your not ready to make the most out of your life in the first place.

I guess in the sense thats what keeps me going; short term pain for long term gain. As hard as it is, I will continue to endure it. I could easily go home and stay with my parents, my dad has always told me that I could go home anytime if I ever found it too hard, but I absolutely refuse to because if I do: I failed myself, I failed the woman I love and I failed my family and my friends. I absolutely refuse to be a dissappointment to myself and the people that are important to me.

I'm very grateful for what I have accomplished for the over one year I've been here working. I managed to get a home for my fiance & I, I've managed to pay off my line of credit, I got all my appliances for my brand new home paid for, and I know if I continue to work up here I'll eventually get all my furniture paid off, my line of credit, and my upcoming wedding. My fiance is helping me more than I ever imagine with my depression, because when I eventually have enough experience up here I'll be able to get a full time job back home and she is home to always give me that constant reminder of whats waiting for me when I overcome this challenge. She always makes herself available to cheer me up, but it acts a double edged sword. I enjoy the comfort she gives me but it also reminds of everything I had to sacrifce.

I know in time I will overcome it, and then I can look back on it and laugh at it, and think to myself it was better to get it over while I was still young instead of doing it for the rest of my life.

Even though I know what my goals are and I understand the consequences that come with them. I still deal with depression, and I try my best to keep myself occupied by playing a lot of video games, and trying to socialize, but its kind of hard when you work long hours, and work schedules like 12 days working with 2 off, or working 24 days straight with 4 off. A lot of times my depression gets me so de-motivated on my days off I really don't want to to do anything.

What I would like to ask from the GFF community is if anyone ever had to go through this; how did you deal with your depression if you had any? Do you have any suggestions on how to try to keep your mind occupied. I probably would be able to enjoy myself more if I was in a place that had more things that pertain to my interests, but unfortunately it doesn't exist in this case, since this place is kind of like a boom/party town and I'm not really much of a party person.

I could easily go on a trip to take my mind off things, but I'd much rather get things paid off, because it'll be less stressful for me the less debt I have to deal with.

17 days and counting then I get a much needed break.

How ya doing, buddy?

First of all, I want to thank everybody for your great responses concerning the situation I'm in. Crash I personally want to thank you, for a person such as yourself that has dealt with depression to a very serious extent, I genuinely take your words with all the wisdom that you have to offer.

All the same I want to answer some of the questions people have asked since I really haven't had much time to post lately.

First off, I work as an environmental field inspector in the oil sands of alberta. This area has been going through a large economic boom in recent years and with all the plants being developed there is an increased for a bigger environmental presence up here. There are more jobs than there is people, so practically every company is going through an employee shortage; because of that fact a lot of companies work their employees 24 days straight with 4 days off to accomodate with the problems of their companies being understaffed.

I'm feeling much better now, its just a lot of times I go through so much stress and my feelings and outlook on things acts just like a roller-coaster. I don't necessarily see myself as moping around to be honest. I would see myself as moping around if I was still back home with my fiance. I would still be living in an apartment, working at a job I hated, and being stuck in the sense that I wouldn't be able to do anything productive with my life. The sole purpose of this move was to make something for my myself and my future, I know this is a positive step in my life but you know it doesn't help to know that it can have its tough moments.

I've always lived with the perception that life should never be easy, if life was easy than in my eyes it wouldn't be truly worth living in the first place. I think that us as human beings are truly defined by the challenges that we face and how we try to overcome them builds character.

In response to someone's post, your absolutely right I haven't been flat out depressed ever since I was 13, but its been kind of like an off and on switch for the majority of my life. I think that I can handle my depressive nature on my own no matter how much longer I have to be up here. I absolutely refuse to go on any kind of medication. I don't want to feel like that I have to depend on a pill to help me get through the day. I've only been to a psychiatrist only three times in my life, and they all happened during my time in university.

As depressed as I can be, while I continue to work up here I will never lose sight of my goal no matter how sad or hopeless it may seem. The greatest things in life take time and patience. I know deep down that sacrifices will be worth it.

I don't know if anybody else will ever read this forum topic ever again, but to everyone that responded I just want to say thanks to your kind words. I hope to become a better member of this community even though I've gotten on Denicalis and Bradylama's bad side from time to time.

Being a part of this forum helps me get through the tough times up here, and for that I'm very grateful for.

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