The Downside of Sex

Now, as someone who has never had sex before, I cannot speak with a great deal of experience. However, I got a very interesting e-mail from my dad today with a link to the article below (which can be found in its entirety here).

When I was younger, I was very much opposed to sex because of my strict religious upbringing. However, within the past couple of years, I have been "rebelling" against the legalistic environment in which I grew up, and have been engaging in all those horribly sinful pleasures (<--SEMI-SARCASM) like smoking, getting tattoos (err 1), cursing, drinking alcohol (even before I was 21! SHOCK.), and having a "friend with benefits" (not to the point of sex, clearly). So I ask myself, why haven't I broached that other vice?

This article told me why. I think I have always had a very strong and clear intuition that sex would hurt me. Do I think all women become emotionally damaged by sex without attachment? No. Do I think I would? Absolutely.

Originally Posted by OpinionJournal

'Unprotected'
Sexual freedom is damaging to students. But health officials must not judge.

BY DANIELLE CRITTENDEN
Thursday, December 14, 2006 12:01 a.m. EST

"My patients were hurting, they looked to me and what could I do?" So confesses an anonymous campus physician in the beginning of her startling memoir. Over the course of 200 pages, she tells story after story about suffering young women. If these women were ailing from eating disorders, or substance abuse, or almost any other medical or psychological problem, their university health departments would spring to their aid. "Cardiologists hound patients about fatty diets and insufficient exercise. Pediatricians encourage healthy snacks, helmets and discussion of drugs and alcohol. Everyone condemns smoking and tanning beds."

Unfortunately, the young women described in "Unprotected" have fallen victim to one of the few personal troubles that our caring professions refuse to treat or even acknowledge: They have been made miserable by their "sexual choices." And on that subject, few modern doctors dare express a word of judgment.

Thus the danger of sexually transmitted diseases is too often overlooked in the lifestyle choices of the young women at the unnamed college where the author works. But the dangers go far beyond the biological. A girl named Heather, for instance, has succumbed to an intense bout of depression. The doctor presses her to think of possible causes. She can't think of anything. Then she says: "Well, I can think of one thing: since Thanksgiving, I've had a 'friend with benefits.' And actually I'm kind of confused about that."
Heather continues: "I want to spend more time with him, and do stuff like go shopping or see a movie. That would make it a friendship for me. But he says no, because if we do those things, then in his opinion we'd have a relationship--and that's more than he wants. And I'm confused, because it seems like I don't get the 'friend' part, but he still gets the 'benefits.'" It finally dawns on her: "I'm really unhappy about that. It's hard to be with him and then go home and be alone."

Heather is not an unrepresentative case. The author meets patients who cannot sleep, who mutilate themselves, who exhibit every symptom of psychic distress. Often they don't even know why they feel the way they do. As these girls see it, they are acting like sensible, responsible adults: They practice "safe sex" and limit their partners to a mere two or three per year.

They are following the best advice that modern psychology can offer. They are enjoying their sexual freedom, experimenting, discovering themselves. They can't understand what might be wrong. And yet something is wrong. As the author observes, surveys have found that "sexually active teenage girls were more than three times as likely to be depressed, and nearly three times as likely to have had a suicide attempt, than girls who were not sexually active."

And should all this joyous experimentation end in externally verifiable effects--should girls find themselves afflicted with a disease or an unwanted pregnancy--then (and only then) do their campus "women's health" departments go to work for them. They will book the abortion, hand out a condom or prescribe a course of antibiotic treatment. And then they will pat their young patients on the shoulder and send them back into the world, without an admonishing word about the conduct that got them into trouble in the first place.

"Look at how different health decisions are valued," the author advises. "When Stacey avoids fatty foods she is being health conscious. . . . When she stays away from alcohol, she is being responsible and resisting her impulses. For all these she is endorsed for keeping long-term goals in mind instead of giving in to peer pressure and immediate gratification. But if she makes a conscious decision to delay sexual activity, she's simply 'not sexually active'--given no praise or endorsement."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

How is this article about "The Downside of Sex" exactly? It's about the downside of unprotected sex, or the downside of STDs and unwanted pregancy. I fail to see any downside to sex within a committed relationship.

I agree with everything LeHah wrote, as well. The article sounds like it was written by a hardcore conservative christian, who wants to foist their own views on everyone else. America has plenty of 'em. I notice that your own comments on the article are slightly more intelligent thatn the article itself, but the article is pure and unadulterated crap.

Sorry I wasn't more specific in my title selection. I suppose the article is about the downside of uncommitted sex--specifically, among college-aged women.

I would certainly not be surprised if the article was written by a conservative Christian, but I hardly see this as a reason to discredit it. I think that there can be damaging emotional side effects of sex without committment ASIDE from STDs and pregnancy. No one will argue (well, I'm sure someone will, actually) that sex is a very powerful and binding physical act. With power comes risk.

Also, as for your not seeing any downsides to sex in a committed relationship, I would have to respectfully disagree. "Committed relationships" are so frequent, it seems--a college student may have several of what they consider to be "committed relationships." But when you move on to the next one, the residue of those old ones may still remain. I cannot even begin to imagine how much harder it would have been to get over my ex-bf of 3 years if I had gone that extra step. It's hard enough as it is. I certainly think that a lot of it depends on one's sensitivity and exposure, however.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

All right, so I'm pretty much terrified to step in at this point. I'm not as nice as people assume, I think (my friend IRL know better), but I'm so absolutely terrified of confrontation.

But for what it's worth, I think the vast majority of females form an emotional bond after having sex, whether they like it or not. We have been talking about that sort of thing in my psychology class (which isn't proof in and of itself, of course, but suggests that research has been done--I should look some up, right?). Thus "casual sex" is a very difficult thing for women. I think it is hard for many women to grasp that men don't necessarily form an emotional attachment this way.

I really think a lot of it may depend on your point of reference. I have two very different points of reference--the conservative one with which I grew up, and the not-so-conservative one that is GFF. Having two points of reference has taught me a lot these past six months, I think. Girls having grown up nearer my end of the spectrum, however, are almost guaranteed to suffer emotional scarring as a result of casual sex. As to the other end of the spectrum... I couldn't really say. It sounds like the vast majority of you are saying "no."

There are many downsides to the way I grew up, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Often people fail to see the benefits of a very conservative upbringing. But I think I'm getting off topic.

As for me, having grown up in such an environment, I think it would be absolutely devastating to me to have sex with anyone but my husband. I have been subject to emotional tumult just from casual kissing. It is not because I am dumb or naive... It is because of my point of reference.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.