A better example would be:
"What do you mean, 'it's paraplegic'?! I happen to be paraplegic. You're very rude  "
See how that's actually rude? Because paraplegics don't call themselves "lame"? And because gay people do call themselves "gay"?
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ITT massively faulty logic.
"That's gay" = offensive to homosexuals
A sensible homosexual witnesses somebody using "gay" in a derogatory context, and is secure in the knowledge that the user isn't slagging off actual homosexuals.
"That's lame" = offensive to cripples
Exactly the same thing. They're both words that, in this day and age, mean multiple things.
knk summed it up more aptly.
There's nowhere I can't reach.