WTF, Mom?!

About a year ago, I realised that my mother is unable to stop spending money and probably has some kind of personality disorder. After considering the wide scope of bizarre stuff she's pulled throughout my life (constantly screeching at me to stop crying when I was perfectly happy, threatening to send me to military school in Austria as an attempt to salvage her marriage, giving my shit to charity when I wasn't home). After dad left, she pretty much went to pieces and spent a year or so telling my brother and I that we were shitty sons, then had some kind of epiphany.

This is where the inability to manage cash comes in. My brother cut himself off from her for a while for her own good - she insisted on trying to help out with all his bills, and that would usually mean taking out high-interest loans. So, instead, for about a year she'd be putting £200 into my account every month. For the first month, as fourteen-year-olds are, I thought "SHIT! FREE MONEY!" but then had a chat with my bro about it, and there was a shouting match when I confronted her. It was only by withdrawing it and giving the notes to her that convinced her to cut that shit out.

An earlier episode before her divorce revolved around a laptop she was so sure she needed. She refused to get a second-hand one from eBay, having been told by her ditsy friends that it was full of conmen and scammers. So, sure enough, we drive to PC World. I take her to their absolute rock-bottom cheapo model, which was around £400. She only wanted a computer for MS Office and occasional web browsing, and it would have suited her perfectly. Instead, we get into a shouting match, she disregards my advice and purchases a £1400 Compaq, which she took home and left in the box for six months. By the time she turned it on, that model had gone down to £800.

Her indiscriminate spending only occurs when it benefits her, though. In 2004 she fried my PC by pouring red wine all over it, and refused to replace it because I'd been "asking for it" by leaving the top of the case off. I haven't had a desktop since then.

She's still nuts and relies heavily on my brother and I for emotional support. My brother is 24 and she throws a shitfit when he goes a week without calling her ("he doesn't love me," and all that). However, she's found herself a rich boyfriend, who suits her perfectly (and, by proxy, me too - he's an awesome guy, but I do pity him for constantly being taken advantage of).

All in all: Totally loopy, and not in an endearing way.

How ya doing, buddy?