You heard WHAT about me?!

Here comes another rape story!

Last year, there were two sixth form "balls" (see: raves) - One in the first term, one in the second. None in the third. Not that I was there, but anyway.

The first one was generally just a morose letdown, and I left after half an hour with a load of free food and a few cans of lager in my coat pockets. For the second, I made an effort to go to a pub with friends and get totally destroyed before turning up. Needless to say we weren't the only people with that idea, which made the event itself all the more fucking awesome.

Got there; more drinking. It culminated in me inexplicably hooking up with this girl I've known since I was eight (but we haven't shared so much as a word for almost a decade). She was wrecked. Wound up on the floor, and when she started trying to get into my boxers in the middle of the fucking dance I went straight to action and got the fuck out of there.

interesting note: i haven't talked to her about that (or anything) and it's been almost a year so i am just going to ignore it forever and never mention it again

All through the next week, I gradually discovered that all the years below mine (kids around 13-15) had built up this horrifyingly detailed account of how a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend had told them that I'd grabbed her and stuck my tongue down her throat (and the weirded variations I heard of it included all kinds of strange shit like thumbs in assholes).

But yeah other than that little thing... I'm unremarkable. Except the time I was accused of taking a shit in the swimming pool when I was nine. And that wasn't me.

Jam it back in, in the dark.