Parent-Child Moments

I don't have any pleasant memories of either of my parents. They weren't abusive. Maybe borderline neglectful, but never anything worse than two very fucked-up egotists. I've never been particularly close to them. They've never imparted any significantly enlightening bits of knowledge to me (unless I count my father's constant dirge of "hey here's a tip" moments).

Anything that does approximate to a happy reminiscence certainly does not have a happy outcome.

Immediately after dad walked out, my mother decided she'd never done anything wrong in her entire life and made no effort to repair the shoddy relationship we had. My father occasionally poked his head into my life to try and cheer me up (i.e., try and make other people think he was trying to atone for what he'd done wrong despite being constantly selfrighteous about every decision he'd made).

I remember a particular day when he still visited the UK - He appeared at my dorm, took me to a shopping centre for the day, bought me three CDs, and a DVD, and even a pair of Gamecube games. And a shirt. And lunch. And he took me to see a film.

So, I was having the time of my life. This was my birthday treat. This was one of the only birthday treats I've ever experienced - My mother decided I was "too old" for parties at age eight and promptly cut me off from everything of the kind. This day was a blessing. Absolutely perfect. I'd never had as much fun with my father in my entire life.

Obviously, something had to be up.

We sat down for lunch. We ordered drinks, and he threw together some lame context-setter he'd obviously been preparing the entire day about "supporting all of his children" or something similar. I couldn't really say anything to that other than nod my head and keep listening to whatever it was he had to say. "Yeah I get it you're going to do your best to be a part of our lives."

Wrong. He then used the opportunity to tell me his girlfriend of the past decade (yes, during a decent proportion of his marriage) had given birth to his twin children. Prematurely. A boy and a girl. The girl is hydrocephalic and probably mentally retarded to some extent. The boy's growth will likely be stunted and he will never be taller than 4'.

He told me this on my fourteenth birthday. I'll never forgive him for any of his bullshit.

I don't want children. Ever. I'm ashamed to say I take after the man far more than I should.

How ya doing, buddy?