GFF Literary Workshop: Week 6

I guess this is a story in progress? I hope so, both given the "Part 1" and the dangling story elements.

I would like to read the rest when it's completed, as I have enjoyed what you've provided. Now, on the critiques. It wasn't clear early on that it was a futuristic setting. Perhaps that's your intent. I'm accustomed to being unsure of the time period and just letting the story work itself out, but I'm not sure how many readers do the same. Is this a tale on Earth? It's unclear. I do like the characters and you do a good job of establishing them and making us feel for them a bit. I also like the foreshadowing of Shiner perhaps about to make the same mistake father did. Nyx no doubt plays a part. Speaking of Nyx, what does she do in the ship? At one point, she's disappeared and the next she's affecting the ship's controls and Shiner is talking to her. I'm a bit lost there.

And here's a few minor corrections/quibbles:
...they had fought in the war... seems ambiguous to me. I would prefer you say that they were killed. As it is, it kind of implies all those who were involved in the war ended up dead. That may be the case, but it isn't clear.

Something I was all too happy to oblidge with. Unless we're dealing with an alien dialect (and if we are, since it's possible, ignore my grammatical comments), that's a typo.

"What do you mean, you knew I was taking off today!" Wouldn't a question mark work better than a comma here? Those two statements seemed independent of each other, although related.

As I climbed aboard, the famililar scent of the cabin filled my senses. It should read familiar. Or maybe familial, if Shiner has experience with this ship.

Nyx was setting herself up a place to sleep in the crew cabins. This sentence just seems a little awkward to me.

"Woah!" That could be a word common in that era, but I can't see any pronunciation difference from "whoa". So, if it's not a typo, I don't see the point.

Also, the dialogue might be a little hard to follow. Separate pieces have a tendency to just flow together in spots given that the only divisions are quotation marks. It's not a big concern, as it doesn't happen much (and may not happen at all depending on the reader), and it's clearly an individual style. That's just my thought.

Anyway, overall it's a good story. It lays out the plot, adequately establishes the characters, includes some intrigue and the potential for action, and a little more. You kept me wanting more, and more I anticipate.

Jam it back in, in the dark.