Nov 15, 2007, 04:04 PM
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#1 of 7
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Helloween sums up my thoughts pretty well, actually. Dialogue is a big issue here, for me at least, as the hero of the story is someone who motivated others with words. He's like a prophet or a general, yet we don't get to read the words that made him so inspiring. I felt disconnected.
And, on a somewhat minor note, you might want to change the name of the store even further to even further separate it from its real counterpart. It's not important that you do, but it seemed to be your intent to mask the name of the company and I don't think that was accomplished.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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