So I'm a bad guy.

I think I agree with the idea that ultra grouchiness!=evil.

For instance, the last few weeks I have been super, super grouchy (as in getting upset over small things) because of the end-of-the-year stress with my job, the holidays, missing my family (save for my wife), the frustration of uncertainty and other things. When enough things weigh you down, you begin to snap, get defensive, and take your frustrations out in ways you don't normally do it. You then feel bad later on which adds to it a bit but if the aforementioned conditions continue on without restraint, you'll just do it over and over again.

And it's frickin' hard to stop when you feel really negative and the conditions never cease. Does it make it right? No. Does it make me an 'evil' person though? No. It makes me a normal human being with faults and limits.

I generally think of many people having like a regenerating patience towards frustration bar. When things keep on going, the bar diminishes. When it reaches a certain point, you become grouchy. The degree and percentage (as in how likely) of grouchiness depends on how low the meter is. If, though, whatever is causing this ceases for a while, the bar slowly goes back up. Yet, if it doesn't, and the conditions plus others continue on, then it goes down and one becomes even grouchier because you haven't had that time to recuperate. Of course, how fast the bar goes down depends on 1) what it is that annoys you, 2) how long those things have annoyed you, and 3) how much time you have had a break from it all (the longer the break, the faster your bar will go back up).

With all that being said, have you considered what factors may be causing this? From what you have said, I am guessing there are some things that are giving this negative mindset. When you are negative and frustrated and so forth, you are likely to act in some of the ways you just described.

You should also consider taking a break. That will not solve everything but help a bit. Perhaps push yourself into some common interest groups and find a single person or two to hang out with and get close to. Not a huge 30 person group, but find one or two of them to hang out with. That will help you shake your feelings and perhaps give you some confidence and a 'change' if such is needed.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Hachifusa

Should I shut myself off from people or embrace them, in the meantime?The only thing I can gather is that I am frustrated with school and the difficulty I'm having transferring to the university, but really, since a lot of kids go through with this I could just be a whiny bitch about that. Oh, yeah, and I don't have any friends anymore (that live near me), so I could be going through loneliness and snapping at everyone. Then again, that could be caused by my being a dick - I did acquire, about six months ago, a few friends that have since deserted me, with a clear enough reason why. (By the way, though I am being very understanding, when they stopped associating with me and even now my anger was sevenfold).

Also, finding "one or two" people is great, but I never know what anyone means when they say to "find a friend". Where, the local nerd hangout? I don't even know where the fuck those are, and besides, I hate nerds.

Yeah, transferring to a new university IS rough. I had to do it myself and I was shocked how much of a strain it took on me. And this university was within an hour's reach of my old one!!!

Lacking friends is a definitely issue. Many times what can happen is if no one is around for you to vent with, then you begin to vent AT. The general mentality is 'if no one is going to be kind enough to let me vent, then I am not going to the kind and going to vent at them. Besides, if they don't like me, what's it going to matter if I release my frustrations on them?'.

And of course the feelings of 'abandonment' makes you feel a thousand times angrier. I have gone through those feelings with various people who stopped contacting me when I moved out of the area. I wish I could offer a solution on that one other than that is why I suggest you find one or two really good friends that you can make a solid foundation of friendship with that will last throughout the years.

What, exactly, is a 'nerd'? That term is so vague these days. Is it someone who reads books? Plays video games? Is into art? Surfs the 'Net all day? COnsider that and this in that sometimes finding a friend who has several opposites works out well because you both learn from each other.

There's nowhere I can't reach.