Match-Making

Ohohoho D= If I was doing chocojournal around the time of the blind dates, I'd probably be able to link an entry, but they took place too early in college. Right around Sophomore year.

They were done through a handful of my buddies. A lot were from one buddy in particular, but others decided to chime in. I had somewhere around nine blind dates within one semester, I believe. Give or take a date, it was around there.

A couple just didn't mesh up, but a few were real clusterfucks. However, whenever one went south, I'd just do my best to have fun with it.

1) An early on one that I still question to today. One random person I barely knew chimed in and said that she had a friend who was looking for a boyfriend. I found out that this person was hardcore emo. She wore saggy pants, big metal-studded belt, and was quite a ways overweight. Stereotypical dismal voice throughout the conversation and she'd keep whining about how bad her life was. Plus she had some of the worst table manners. We're talking belching and talking with her maw full, etc. Finally, out of the blue, I simply said to her (forcing my accent a bit) "so, darlin'... My place or yours?"

What I was given was one of the most bewildered looks I'd ever seen in all my days. I wish I had a buddy with a camera hiding nearby because that was GOLD.

She stammered, unsure of what to say and I went "OH DEAR =O LOOK AT THE TIME. I HAVE A TEST TOMORROW" (and this was on Friday night).

2) I think I got a girl who was on the cheer squad here =( She was a big time cheerleader in high school, and a real sorority party brat. Leaned over to pick something up on our way to the table and I noticed (it was EASY to spot) that she had a thong wedgie in addition to a bigass tattoo above her butt crack, or as I call it, a "tramp stamp". She wanted to try talking about science, maybe to try and seem smart. It was obvious from the get-go that she didn't have a god damn clue what she was saying, and I very politely corrected her where it was badly needed (had to bite my tongue quite often). She then mentioned how "hard" it is being an Education Major (or as we call it in my department, a MRS. degree) and that I was lucky. I had it easy. Around this time, I was working on my major in Geophysics in addition to working 40 hours a week quite often. I decided to escape ASAP. She was just whining about how hard her life was, when in actuality, she was out partying half the week. To be blunt, this is one of the types of people I hate above any. I was paying for my college out of my own pocket, but her parents were footing the bill for EVERYTHING. If I didn't skedaddle, I probably would've snapped at her. I faked my cell phone buzzing me (my phone back then didn't have vibrate. loool) and was all "augh. Gotta go =o Boss needs me. Emergency."

3) This was with a hardcore bible thumper. BIG TIME. I'm fine with a conservative chica, but we started talking about random stuff, and one thing that caught my attention was when stem cell research got brought up. She mentioned that the doctors working on that are all doomed to hell. As is anyone who supports it. She then told me that science is wrong about how old the Earth is. It's only a few thousand years old, and fossils were put here to test our faith! Clearly, I'd been living a lie. I was so distraught that I left early.

4) The tree hugger! I went from one end of the spectrum to the next. This gal looked like she'd been beaten for a few hours with a stick from the ugly tree. She wore capris (weirdest fucking pants ever), but it was OBVIOUS that she didn't shave her legs. Probably had armpit hair, too. 99% of the date consisted of "FUCKING BUSH. THAT ASSHOLE." She started talking about wildlife later on, and I was in kamikaze mode (actually I entered that as soon as I saw her~). She talked about how beautiful wild animals were, and I said "tell me about it! =D I've got a taxidermied white owl at home! Plus a few animal head. Technically, a few of them are 'endangered', but that's an urban myth "

5) This was probably the last blind date. I was so god damn burnt out over them... A buddy told me who I was dating BY NAME. I was so uneasy about all this by now that he said "look, I'll show you her on facebook." I then noticed that I knew this girl. Well, I'd seen and heard her in a class of mine (lots of people but she sat nearby). She was just as big an airhead as sorority girl, if not moreso. Well, I decided I'd go out with a bang. I was looking at either doing a voice impression of Bert Lahr (Cowardly Lion, Wizard of Oz) OR Paul Lynde (Templeton the Rat, Charlotte's Web). If you don't know either of these from the examples I gave, look 'em up. I do (I must say) PERFECT impressions of both of them. I flipped a coin and it came up Lynde. So I went about it =D Got a bizarre stare from the girl as soon as she opened her mouth. I was completely myself *except* for the voice. I thought it was awesome ='D As soon as I did a laugh using that voice, I could see her looking for the exit and grabbing her purse. Hollywood Squares would've been proud of that laugh...

Oh yeah. And for this date, I had a buddy (who didn't know her) sitting a table away with his own girlfriend. The blind date left and I was met with two high fives. It was quite entertaining :3

Jam it back in, in the dark.