Pet demise

I've only gone through one pet death and it has to be the hardest death I've ever taken and I've lost some close people in my life (make that two this one is so incredibly hard to get through that I completely forgot about one that shaked me as well).

Back on December 25, 2005 (yes CHRISTMAS) I went to visit my eight-year-old rabbit and he seemed rather tired looking, so I went to rouse him. He didn't get up, so I tried harder, but only after forcing him and supporting him did he move at all. He seemed to be fading, my thoughts raced, he had been very ill back in September, so it could be the same cause, kidney failure (with vet help he recovered from that bout).
I talked to him comforted him, he still seemed in pain and was very much out of it. Then I held him, in a way for the first time he didn't resist, he's always hated being lifted. After a while of talking to him I put him back down, he didn't like being held. He looked like a limp horse, very scary and sad looking indeed.

At this point I'm scared and nervous to the extreme so I get my parents and we try to help him. It gets harder and harder so him to move. Suddenly he lets out a cry and kicks frantically, his last burst of strength. Soon after only some fidgeting remains and he slowly goes limp and still. We were devastated , I try to close his eyes for posterity, but it doesn't work. So we put a towel over him so he can slip the mortal coil having the last thing he saw being us.

The next day we bury him right under where he lived. I didn't cry or visibly grieve since I had been thinking about his inevitable mortality since 2003 when my other pet died (I'll talk about him in a second. But over the next year (including now) it has worn on me, it was dispersed over these months. If it had come out all at once, I would have been half way between hysterical and suicidal, that's why the mental preparation from my parakeet's death back in 2003 was essential in me getting back up (that and a job to keep me busy).

So going to 2003 we got a parakeet that was old and needed a better home (because the last one had a cat (!)). Skyler was a very good friend and cracking the layers of his mind (which at this point had been made very paranoid and aggressive due to the aforementioned cat) and bonding with him was very fun and a joy. But on my mom's birthday (see a pattern here?) on November 9, he died, only five months into getting him. I was away at a cousin's, so it fell like a load of metal onto my back, it hurt. While my rabbit's death was a slow intense burning hellfire, Skyler's death was more like a stick of dynamite, it exploded, maybe there was some flames; but after a week or two I had come to terms with it.

It was only through Skyler's death that I was prepared and able to cope with my rabbit's death in 2005. Still nothing can compare to the grief I felt when my rabbit died, he was my best friend for eight years.

Jam it back in, in the dark.