aguywholikestovideogames
Member 607
Level 33.17
Mar 2006
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Dec 11, 2007, 05:12 PM
Local time: Dec 11, 2007, 04:12 PM
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#1 of 5
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Interesting piece. I enjoyed it. I opened the file not knowing what to expect, and when i started reading i almost stopped. I'm not sure why i felt like i wanted to stop before it was done, but i did finish it, and i'm glad i did. I got a lot of mixed messages from this story because of my own assumptions pertaining to it's direction. This kept it fresh and new, and even somewhat exciting.
I'm not sure how well the World War II stuff works in there. It does, but seems to sort of come out of left field. If you're trying to show distraction due to train of thought then add something else rather random, or remove this one all together. It doesn't fit well on it's own, and needs something else to follow it for it be feel effective.
Otherwise, an enjoyable piece. Stick around, i wanna read more of your stuff.
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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Helloween