GFF Literary Workshop: Week 5

Before this takes off (if it actually does) i would like to offer my motives behind this piece.

I wrote this the day after i broke up with my last girl friend, and is sort of a manifestations of what was going through my head at the time. All of this is exaggerated, and interestingly enough, none of it involves the break up. It's almost an examination of various girls that I've been in relationships with, or thought about trying a relationship with. All names have been changed, and yes the main character was inspired by, and based off of myself. I have trouble doing otherwise with my protagonists.

As for content, i don't care if you think it's just a stupid mess of lingering teen angst that i haven't been able to shake yet, but i think emotions are an important part of writing, and i'm pursuing this project to explore my abilities in conveying emotion, environment, and love, as those are three things that i struggle with on a nearly constant basis in writing. So please, comment not just on content, but style of content, and the quality with which it is presented.

It's by no means a finished polished work, this is only the first three sections of about 8 that i have written. The story is meant to be non-linear, and yes each event is connected in a continuous plot line that falls into place as the reader continues. So if i makes no sense now, perfect. I look forward to any and all comments.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I'm dying to hear your comments neus. And i'm curious to hear what you've learned about me.

How ya doing, buddy?

I'm not sure if you read my explanation of this piece or not Ozma, but i explained that the story is supposed to be non-linear, and that everything will connect in the end. It's not even close to the whole thing yet. I haven't finished it, and i have many other sections to it so far.

Also, i rarely use a thesaurus, and i haven't yet for this one. Just thought i'd put that out there.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Ok, i might as well answer some questions

Orion: the only thing i have to respond to in your response is the isolated dialouge of the second section. This was inspired by a situation i found myself in during highschool. The entire story will be fleshed out more as the story goes on. My intention with that line of the story is for the narrator to feel incredibly seperated from this girl, and so any and all emotion, description, everything comes from what is said on msn, as nothing else can really happen between the two characters. When they meet up for the first time in the story, this changes.

Ozma and Matt: I'll admit, the poems i'm having second thoughts about. They don't really serve this peice all that much. They're actually there to further another piece i'm working on. The narrator i've decided also has a flare for the poetic, and i think i'm going to revise those lines, and possibly do more. I'll decided whether or not i'm going to keep them when i'm satisfied with how they sound.

Thank you for all your feed back everyone. It looks like i'm more or less, or at least on my way to accomplishing what i set out to do. Also to orion, i have several pieces that i dig up and submit, if i'd be allowed to go again so soon.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?