Are you being spammed by your friends?

My friend composed a number of witty, and hilarious counter FWDs that he would send back to the offenders promptly, and quickly. It was quite funny to hear some of the reactions, as many of the offenders went to our school. I thought i had saved a few, but turns out i was wrong. I'll keep looking, maybe i'll find them in my inbox. I have some wickedly old emails in there.

EDIT: Oh snap, i found one.

grade 9 hilarity:

Hello everybody my name is (name). This chain mail was made to stop all the chain mails in the world. IF YOU HATE CHAIN MAIL, YOU WILL LOVE THIS! I have taken my time to tell you the 4 basic different types of retarded chain mail. Even though you may get different ones than this, they are practically all the same except for the stupid git who made them. PLEASE SEND THIS TO MORE PEOPLE SO WE CAN PUT A END TO THIS MADNESS.


1rst retarded type of chain mail:

Make 1 wish and go to where it says stop ………… Keep on wishing……………………………………⠀¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦.. make one more wish………………………. almost there……………………………………..

STOP!
If you don’t send this chain mail to ten thousand more people in the next 4.2583 seconds, the following will happen:

0: you will need to get your gall bladder removed in an emergency surgery procedure while attending a execution a checzoslavakian church.
1-4: your friends will hate you for sending them a retarded chain mail.
6-10: your friends will want to hurt you for sending them a retarded chain mail.
10-20: your friends will conspire a murder plot to kill you for sending them a retarded chain mail.
20-10 000: your friends will have you publicly stoned and a marching band of 56 trombones will walk over your lifeless body.


2nd type of retarded chain mail:

A friend, who doesn’t believe in God, told me that he would send twenty million dollars to The Church Of Jesus-Christ Of Latterday Saints if he could get three hundred people to sign a chain mail that said they believed in god. But we are FUCKING MORONS because we have absolutly NO fucking way of counting, so this is pointless! Please sign below.

1: God dude
2: God chick
3: Jesus
4: (you sign here!)

Please send this to fifty other people or hell will descend apon earth like a bat in an orgy of killing, burning, and bloodlust. EVEN THOUGH THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN BECAUSE THIS IS JUST A FUCKING STUPID CHAIN MAIL!


3rd type of retarded chain mail:

My friend who is named Betty is dying of a strange type of diabetes that attacks the vagina. The doctor says that he can make her vagina work again if a chain mail is sent out in her honor and it gets smeared around the landscape like a pile of manure. If you don’t send this to two hundred people by the time Betty is either cured or dies, one of the following horror stories could happen to you:

Horror story 1: Joe thought chain mail was stupid so he deleted this letter when he got it. Instead of being a good person and aggravating his friends with this stupid letter, he went to make out with his boyfriend (some people are like that). The next day Joe died of a S.T.D. that only gay people get.

Horror story 2: in stead of checking his e-mail everyday, Bob took a vacation to Mexico to get over the death of his lover. When he got back he opened this letter, but it was too late so of his 38 children died in a terrorist attack on a strip-club\post-office.

Horror story 3: it is hard to believe, but nowadays some people don’t have a computer. Bob destroyed out his computer so he would never again lose the remaining 86 of his kids by neglecting to check his e-mail. The ghost of Christmas present found this out and started haunting him in his sleep, as a result, the rest of his children died and were burred in cheap hotel mattresses.


4th type of retarded chain mail:

Hello, I’m a follower/worker of the evil organization: Microsoft. My boss, the devil… uh, I mean bill gates has made me write a chain mail letter that is to be sent to all hotmail users. If you don’t send this to seven hundred and thirty two people within the next 6 minutes, we will cancel your account because it is inactive. Normally, we would send this letter to everybody, but I’m really just a stupid retard with nothing better to do so I make up fake e-mails from Microsoft. Oh, and by the way, YOU HAVE TO BE THE STUPIDIST TWIT IN THE WORLD TO FALL FOR THIS BECAUSE JUST THE CONCEPT OF A LETTER LIKE THIS IS SO UNBLIVEABLY STUPID THAT THE PEOPLE WHO INVENTED E-MAIL ARE ROlLING IN THERE GRAVES SO FAST THAT YOU COULD ATTACH MAGNETS TO THEM AND PRODUCE ENOUGH ELECTICTY TO POWER A CITY THE SIZE OF MONTREAL! Thank you.

Jam it back in, in the dark.