Nobody could ever love the real me

Eleo, you're defeating yourself by saying that you CAN'T change any of those things. Most people have struggled with those same issues, you know. You can't just say "Well, this is me and I can't change it because this is just how I am," and expect to be able to get away with that. Because anyone worth a damn is going to say, "That's bullshit. You just don't want to put in the effort to change."

You're no worse than anyone else. Your character flaws are your own, but we ALL have them. Allowing yourself to surrender to them shouldn't be an option. We're all a work in progress. If you decide to just give up on trying to improve yourself, you're definitely going to have a sucky life, because a lot of the things on your list are just not conducive to having a happy one.

Incidentally, I have felt so many times the way you do...the part about anyone who loves you must be inferior or desperate or whatever. For years I would dump anyone who showed too much interest in me (and I still struggle with that today, even after being married for 11 years) because I figured that if they were that much into me, there had to be something wrong with them. That's just a projection of how you feel about yourself. You can overcome it.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

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1. I am lazy. Very lazy.

I think it goes without saying that this is a bad thing. Do I really have to explain why?

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2. I am addicted to my computer. I never want to leave it.

OK, let's just get this straight. I love my computer, too. BUT IT'S NOT REAL LIFE. There's so much out there that you're going to miss if you don't get out of your house and do things. People, places, interesting things. You get the point.

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3. I am capable of being very heartless and cruel.

I will concede that it's a societal rule of sorts that people be nice. Of course, no one HAS to be nice to other people, but how far does being a cruel, heartless bastard get you in life?

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4. Very cynical.

Obviously this one character flaw is causing Eleo a lot of pain and grief (see his numerous threads and chocojournal entries about love, the lack of it, and not fully believing in it). Being cynical leads to being unhappy. Period.

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5. I really don't give a damn about my own family.

Family members can be the most annoying, hard to deal with, unsympathetic people you'll ever encounter. Almost everyone has gone through a stage in their lives where they couldn't care less if they ever saw their family again. But they're there when you need them and they love you (in most cases). People don't always see eye-to-eye with their family, but especially after a person has children of his own, it gets easier to understand them. I think it's very sad when people alienate themselves from their families.

Psst...I don't give a damn if you think less of me or not.

There's nowhere I can't reach.