Have you/would you stay with someone if they cheated?

I'm a realist. I also believe that humans aren't programmed to be monogamous. If my husband had a "moment of weakness" or whatever you want to call it and screwed some girl once - probably even if this happened more than once during the course of our marriage, I probably wouldn't leave him. On the other hand, if I found out that he had an emotional connection with another woman and was spending time talking to her on a regular basis, meeting her for lunch, taking long drives together, etc., even if he wasn't having sex with her, I'd leave him.

To me, sex isn't that big a deal and we're all human. It's emotional unfaithfulness that I wouldn't tolerate.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Married people aren't perfect, and it's always amusing to me when people assume that just because you're married you suddenly stop finding anyone other than your spouse attractive. There are MANY difficult aspects of marriage, and remaining faithful is one of, if not the, most difficult thing of all. I'm not sure that I agree with your statement that marriage is about monogamy. I think that marriage is about love and partnership.

If you don't believe me when I say that humans aren't monogamous by nature, do a little research. I took this quote from an article on MSN:

Quote:

A poll done by the New York Times in 2000 found that 44 percent of the male respondents admitted to having had an extramarital affair (and that percentage doesn't include those unfaithful guys who weren't willing to own up to their transgressions).

I found lots of other articles to substantiate my claim that people are cheaters by nature. I think the best one can hope for is to find a partner who is willing to try his/her best to be faithful, and to be willing to forgive a person who slips up once or twice. There's also a big difference between a person who screws up once or twice and a nasty, lying cheater who can't keep it in his pants. I'm not condoning cheating, I'm just a realist, as I said before.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

No one really knows what goes on between two people in a long-term marriage. Just because your grandparents haven't felt the need to share every intimate detail about something doesn't mean it hasn't happened. I'm not saying that your grandparents have cheated on each other, I'm just saying that it's quite possible that one of them did and you never knew about it. There was infidelity in my grandparents' marriage that I didn't find out about until I was an adult, yet they remained married.

For the record, my husband has never cheated on me and I hope he never does. I certainly don't see myself as the type who would "let" him cheat, as you said earlier. I just know that if it happens, as long as it's a one-night stand or something meaningless like that, I think I could get over it in time.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

It's obvious that Lunar Seal is never going to be persuaded. She's been cheated on and she's letting her emotions dictate her beliefs on this subject, without really thinking things through. Also, she seems to have a pretty severe reading comprehension problem. Lunar, I'll happily share with you various articles and studies on the subject of humans and monogamy if you'd like. I found an ton of them yesterday.

Also, I'm not making an excuse for my husband to go screw anyone. I can't imagine that he would ever do that; I just find it incomprehensible that a person would be so immature as to throw away a perfectly good marriage just because her husband happened to perform a physical act that basically boils down to sticking his dick into someone other than her. To me, that's just not thinkable. I wouldn't throw away everything I have with my husband and ruin my children's home life because of an act that probably didn't mean anything anyway.

Come back and talk to me after you've been married to the same person for over a decade, have had children with him and have built a life around him...and also when you've learned to read. Then we'll discuss this like two rational adults.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I can't tell you why men cheat, but I don't believe that women cheat because they are sexually unfulfilled. I believe that women cheat when they feel ignored or emotionally unfulfilled. And yes, I do think that there is probably something wrong in a relationship where a person cheats. But since there's no such thing as a perfect relationship, that idea is a little bit scary.

Quote:

Expanding on this thought, what do you think the point of the emotion "love" is.

Do you think love is real?

I know you weren't directing this question to me only, but I wanted to answer it because this is a subject that interests me. I believe that the FEELING of love is temporary. That feeling you get when you want to be with someone all the time, nothing they do ever gets on your nerves, you want to gaze into their eyes and be touching them somewhere...anywhere, as long as you're touching? That feeling does. not. last. I promise you, it will fade, no matter what you do to try to hang on to it. Talk to anyone who has been with the same person for twenty years and they'll tell you the same thing. I think that real love isn't a feeling - I mean, you do have feelings - but it's more than a feeling (to quote Boston =p). It's deeper than an emotion. It's a commitment, it's respect, it's a partnership. Even after those strong "love" feelings fade.

I was speaking idiomatically.

I have to agree with Lunar Seal on this one, Lurker. How many women do you know who cheat for the sole purpose of having an orgasm? Because we all know that it's rare to find a guy who can give us sexual gratification anyway. It's gotta be for some other reason besides just sex.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

But at least if it happens again you'll rest easy knowing you did everything in your power to make it work by not making any rash decisions. I just can't see throwing away a perfectly great relationship because a person did something that is human nature to do - once. God, you people are insecure.

FELIPE NO