[Classic] Manhogan Fantasy V: Because CHz really, really hates himself

I never played FFV so fuck it, why not. Might go for the PSP version for convenience.

Although thinking about it, I might actually have a PSOne disc with it on already...

How ya doing, buddy?

I rolled a one so Knights. My first ever time playing this might not be so bad as it could have been...

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Yeah, Siren wasn't much of a challenge for level nine knights.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I take it when you get to change jobs you change everyone to the new job, right? Last night I got as far as finishing the ship graveyard and being about to go and bag me a dragon with no discernible issues from having all knights.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I beat Shiva fairly convincingly at level 14 but used quite a few potions in the process. Didn't realise it was an optional boss.

I should mention also that I killed Magisa before she had a chance to summon Forza

I should also mention that I called my hero Fartz too.

Additional Spam:
Escaped the castle with 12 seconds to spare, having got pretty much all the treasure. Was touch and go for a bit, one of my berzerkers missed Iron Claw with his last attack and I thought I was going to run out of time at that point.

Chocodecide says Ninja!

I was speaking idiomatically.

With Fartz and Faris as berzerkers with two-handed, Lenna as a ninja with guard and Galuf as a knight with cover, I'm having no problems doing damage but healing is a real issue. Until I can tap into a good source of hi-potions, normal potions are woefully under-powered and each boss fight is a case of hammering away and hoping the bad guy dies before the party does. The berzerkers are doing about 700 damage per hit to most monsters and with a main gauche and moonring blade, my ninja is doing about 600 but any status ailments do my team no favours at all.



Yay.



Balls. This fight also represents the first time in my playthrough that any of my team have dropped below full mp, when he used magic hammer on us...

How ya doing, buddy?

Killed him on the second try, mainly by throwing fire scrolls at him that I bagged in the ship graveyard which hit for well over a thousand damage each.

A bit of talking later and we set sail for fun, and apparently dancing.



Rather than take the obvious route to the crescent island, we do some sight seeing and meet this chap.



He clearly needs to drop his track or leave forever.

Then a subtle clue.





Challenge accepted.



Nice robe, granddad.



VICTOLY!

Actually he was easier than I anticipated, especially after getting my arse handed to me by a bunch of mini-dragons while I was looking for him. Leaving the two 'Zerkers to plug away while the ninja and knight spam potions seems to be a pretty winning tactic, although god damn do we get through some potions.

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by FUCK MOUNTAIN

I'm gonna need to buy a shitload of Ethers.

You can buy mine off me, I have no use for them and chocodecide will probably find it hilarious to give me another melee character as and when I get to that point.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

FinalFantasyBalls 2, The Search for Hi-Potions begins!

Quick bestiary check reveals these little fellas:



Who can currently kill one of my characters in a couple of hits more or less, yay. Luckily they hang out with these fellas:



Who drop a lightning scroll, ideal for killing the Corbetts.

45 minutes of double speed farming later, I have amassed a sum total of one hi-potion...

I have got 45 lightning scrolls though, have gone up a level and got enough cash together for that ring CHz found so handy, actual yay!

Bored of farming, we head out for the crescent isle, I think everyone knows what comes next



Goodbye boat, you were like a boat to me

New town though, let's go shopping!



Why do I even go into these shops?



Nope



FUCK YOU SHOPPING EXPERIENCE



Oh hai.

Let's go exploring! Found Fartz' hood, it's boring



Bored now



FUCK YOU EXPOSITION TOWN



Doubt it...



Fluked it first time. Buying a water scroll at Exposition Town certainly helped, as did the Berserkers actually aiming right a lot of the time. I reckon I missed some treasure in the desert because I managed to take the path to the exit first time and couldn't be arsed to go back in.



Convenient beds are convenient.

Glad I ran around solving that puzzle to earn the Mini spell!

i'm currently getting on the airship...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Suddenly, all that time failing to get hi-potions doesn't seem such a waste as two ninjas hurling lightning scrolls takes care of the next few fights in quick succession. Also, Faris looks way cooler as a ninja than Lenna, why did nobody tell me this?



Let's do this.



Throwing lightning scrolls and a coral sword make this a very easy fight.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Invisible platforms? Mind. Blown.

I fucking hated this dungeon, mainly because I forgot to stock up on potions before starting and tried to make it through with only 31. Used a lot of lightning scrolls. Ended up using a couple of elixirs too...

One boss fight later and is it new job time?



Maybe not...



Or perhaps it is, yay!



Woot! Chocodecide says Samurai, so I guess I can safely sell those ethers and random chemist bits now.



Nope, I'm the king of the world!

YouTube Video

Haha, Titan is a total pikey, I basically threw money at him once and he fucked off. I feel like one of Lindsey Lohan's PR team.

Edit: Manticore too. Throwing money at things is the new levelling up!

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Were you playing the game sped up or do you just genuinely have a lot of spare time? Honestly just curious here.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

So next we spend literally fucking hours flying around in circles looking for the meteors that aren't marked on the map and I can't for the life of me remember where they were. On route to the last one, we meet up with an old friend.



He must be hungry by now.

Fartz pours salt on the wound.



FUCK YOU DRAGON.

Transported to a new world of adventure, our first mission is building up a stock of tents. Hell, if the game wants to throw one-hit-kill enemies that automatically drop one at me, a brother's gonna go farming, right?

99 tents later, we use one for a kip.



Lessons for the modern outdoorsman 1

When alone and attacked by a monster, the safest course of action is throwing money at it. Once.



Despite his money ain't a thang approach to combat, the lure of an unattended chest proves too strong for our young hero and we end up captured. Grandad spings us out, we run across a bridge, some bitch jumps out.



Spending our way out of trouble again. FFV? More like the Obama administration amirite?

A bit of a treck past those god damn annoying pink bitches and the party comes across the fabled promise land, the end to all woes, the land of milk and honey.



A spot of gold farming later...



Meet a moogle, save a moogle, completely forgetting to use a phoenix down and doing it the needlessly difficult way, completely ignore moogle's route across the desert, nearly get murdered twice by those fucking head things that reduce everyone to single digit hp with one attack before learning to stay off the sand, find the moogle village then shit gets weird.



Fucking furries.



FUCKING FURRIES.



I think he's saying "Fuck off and leave my treasure alone"



Lol, DANCESERKER ACTIVATE.

Head to King Grandad's castle, clear the joint out of Knight swords and spells we can't use, head off out again. More furries, angry ones this time.



...



Totally not sorry.



FUCK YOU RITUAL.



Probably because nobody fed them.

Additional Spam:
I have to say by the way this is the most fun I've had playing a Final Fantasy game for ages and this thread is legendary already. We've totally got to play something else retarded after this.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Time for a spot of mountain climbing. Looks like this mountain is full of treasure!



Aka, skip one boss token.



How does this fit in a treasure chest?



Pretty sure they actually have these in Australia.



No worries bitch, I'm loaded.

Totally didn't even bother trying to recruit the Golem thing. The flower was relatively simple, thanks to some effective dancing by the Danceserker and Fartz love of throwing loose change at peasants.

Dragon fixed, we join the Navy.



Was totally going to anyway but thanks for the hall pass dude.



I'M ON A BOAT.

Much hilarity ensues, monsters get killed, Gilgamesh shows his sensitive side.

YouTube Video

But then...

YouTube Video

Luckily the Navy includes a submarine division but there's no sign of Gilgamesh. There is a tower to infiltrate though so off we go.



Considering what a big deal of this the training dude in the first village made, this is the only trapped chest I've found thus far.



FUUUUUUUUUUCK.



Cash Rules Everything Around Me.



Terrible hit rate be damned.



I only had one reflect ring but Atomos went down without too much of a struggle.



So now we remember the dragon.

After a quick visit to the exposition turtle, we find ourselves in



Which lies right next to the forest with THE HIGHEST ENCOUNTER RATE OF ANYTHING EVER. Seriously, it was a fight every four steps or so and I simply couldn't kill things fast enough to stop at least one member of my party getting hit with blind or mini every fight. Item stocks low, we eventually get to the point where the forest burns down and we're aided by furries again.



Fucking furries.



Sure, why not?



Saw this screen a few times. Playing on the original without save states and the last save point being before the fire must have been painful.



Suck a dick, bitches.

Yay, we beat the crystals things!



DOH!

Having fallen for the oldest trick in the book, our valiant teams get their collective arses kicked until the spoiler moment...

Spoiler:

In which a scripted battle becomes effectively a cut-scene. An amusingly long oen thanks to his reflect ring.





AERIS DIES.



Gay.



Super gay.



BUY A FUCKING AIRSHIP ALREADY.

So we head to Exdeath's castle and don't get far before reaching a dead end. Thankfully the King of the Furries is at hand to help.



This is what happens when you pick fights with strangers a fraction of your age, grandpa.



So much bullshit right here. I guess a party with magic users in would cast float and stroll across this. A party of MANHOGAN toughs it out and drinks twenty grand's worth of hi-potions getting across.



Totally no need for this but I felt bad after skipping Golem. Nearly got beat but the reflect ring pays off again...



Further on, we are reunited with an old buddy.



We kick his head in for a bit. Apparently Exdeath think's he's a pussy too.







Let's do this.



If that...



Just press reset now.

Anyway, with a combination of elemental shield use, reflect ring hilarity (I really should have got a full set rather than just one) and throwing at least 40,000 gp at the fucker, Exdeath goes down.

And that for the time being is that.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Back in the real world, Faris gets semi-naked.





Don't worry dude, it's not like she's a princess or anything. Oh wait.



MALE VICTIMS OF DOMECTIC VIOLENCE ARE VICTIMS TOO.



So the dragon waited until the planet got fused until heading home? Fucking stupid dragon.



He's dead, I'm sure he won't mind us going through his stuff. Strange how nobody who lives in a castle in a jrpg ever seems to have a bedroom door.



More shit we can't use, woot.



Fartz' care for his pets continues true to form.





Krile is still hearing voices. All that time away from her family appears to have done her no favours sanity-wise.



Was it a teenager?



Apparently not, and his days as a Ho are behind him too by the looks of things.



Laziest bit of story writing EVER.



Power.

FELIPE NO

To be fair, having you a short step ahead of me and explaining things is allowing me to progress smoothly without resorting to looking shit up on GameFAQS which always makes me feel dirty. I've been relying on a knight with cover to take hits for my weak-ass ninja when the going gets close but perhaps a main-gauche as weapon two might be a better option in terms of survivability? My samurai has the block incoming attacks skill so he's alright and I'll probably make him the ninja next and keep that skill active.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

We leave Leonardo to his own devices and go for a stroll. First stop, whatever castle it is nearby with an entirely forgettable name.



Must be nice.



I'll keep an eye out, cheers.



IN UR BED, SLEEPIN ON UR PILLOW. Meh, he's dead, he ain't give a shit.



More like the Fuckalluseasa Guardian Tree.



Because Phoenix Downs are weirdly specific in their use?

We head into the desert and singularly fail to bump into any of whatever monster I was supposed to be looking out for. Went to the pyramid bit, threw some cash at some gargoyles, headed inside...



The man in the training hut knew his stuff after all.



Spotting a pattern here.



Angry face.



FUCK YOU CHESTS.

The encounters in here are all of the multiple enemy variety and only being able to hit one at a time is frustrating. Luckily...



ENTER THE NINJERKER.





She can hit everything on the screen sometimes, she can block attacks and she regenerates health. Fuck yeah!



Final Pacman V.

Bumped into this dude, he said something about his brother whilst scrabbling around for the last of the change on the floor, I had throttle on and skipped past without reading by mistake.



After a bit more tomb raiding, we reach the top and the team decide to celebrate with some LSD.















HEAVY SHIT.

The gang decide to ride out the comedown by chilling at the Guardian Tree.



Fuck off dragon.



I never knew dragons shit out princesses.





Run Leonardo, run!





Coming soon, boating trips on lake turtle.

The demon boss was a total bitch. Randomly not doing damage was kinda mitigated by having a reflect ring and flame shield equipped but this basically boiled down to throwing hi-potions at the Danceserker until he sword danced it to death.

Was going to call it a day there until I remembered something CHz said...



Time for some running away! Totally should have got this before fighting the demon...

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I take it there is some kind of official record for most number of times finished FFV in a month that Pang is trying to break here? You're gonna lap me in a day or so at this rate.

How ya doing, buddy?

So last update we got hold of the chicken knife. Did a bunch of running away at max throttle and took about twenty minutes to obtain the Boss Slayer.

On with the story...

Found the old flying boat just in time for Exdeath to do a bunch of this.



And some of this.



Haha, fucking furries.



Exposition Town was shit. The only loss to the world as a result of this is the shop that sold scrolls for ninjas to throw.

Fartz does not agree and goes postal.



He steers the airship due north at such a speed we circumnavigate the globe at least five times in 20 seconds. I can only imagine he's trying that trick from Superman where he flies round the world really fast to turn back time.

PHYSICS DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT DICKHEAD.

Airship bagged, we revisit some old haunts.



Die in a fire.



The clues in this game are subtle as fuck.

We reach Phoenix Tower and meet these guys.



With my knight using a Blood Sword and Thief Knife to give us occasional Mug attacks, this is a recipe for the three other reflect rings we didn't get earlier. A bit of farming later we head up the tower.



I got another four reflect rings by this point, most pointless bit of farming EVER. I also didn't think to equip any of them so burned through a LOT of maiden's kiss and mallets. Get to the top and...



FUCKING DRAGON. WE LEFT YOU TO DIE BY A ROCK FOR A REASON.

Story time!



Yep.

We bag a summon we can't use and then wait for the dragon to carry us down.



Fuck.

After traversing the tower again, we go to get Bahamut, seeing as how we're in the desert anyway.

I had my chicken knife all powered up and I had four reflect rings ready to bounce back his magic attacks. What could go wrong?

Well, I could have completely forgotten to equip all that stuff. Still, fortune favours the brave.



Not a flawless victory by any means but a victory nonetheless and without using the magic lamp either as I didn't realise you had to charge it up and I was down to chocobos. Danceserker was a bit of a hero here, as was twin lance plus gaia hammer Ninjerker hitting three times a turn.

Who wants some next then?



Yeah, Odin time!



MORTAL KOMBAT!



Chicken knife, zeninage, triple-hit Ninjerker and a slightly extraneous Knight get this done in 38 seconds. That CHZ says he's never beaten Odin without using break before suggests retarded limited parties are in fact the best way to play this game.

So at what cost these three summons I can't use?



Quite a lot...

Nothing much exciting in the Island Shrine, except the annoying bird things towards the end until this guy



Just pressed attack a lot really, he died pretty easily.

Time for more drugs.





It's a Mitsubishi logo.

And with that, we rave the night away...

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

I really need my girlfriend to stop playing Farm Heroes Saga long enough for me to get a decent session on this...

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

So this weekend I'm going to stop playing Hotline Miami and finish this. I'll admit the prospect of facing Fork Tower with no magic users has put me off a bit but I shall have a proper go and report back soon!

How ya doing, buddy?

Right, I did actually play this the other day and it was time for Fork Tower



Not gonna lie, just ran straight up the left hand side, escaping from every fight on the way. Got to the top with no problems.



First at the top, you fight the Minotaur. I totally forgot to equip the Chicken Knife on my Berserker so went in with a Danceserker.



Minotaur is apparently a pauper and easily defeated by the age old technique of throwing money at him.



The killing blow actually came when the dick cast Holy on us and we reflect ring-ed it back. Noob.



What prize for this epic floor-wiping?



FUCK YOU MINOTAUR.

The preliminaries over, it was time for the main event...



Tried throwing scrolls, reset the battle. Tried using items, reset the battle. Resorted to CHz-brand strategy.



A rare glimpse of how big I actually play the game with my old man eyes.

About two hours later...



Shank dat bitch.



FUCK YOU WHATEVER YOUR NAME WAS.

With that, the Fork Tower disappears forever.



No great loss.

At this point, I remembered that I could have gone to pick up some Legendary weapons two dungeons ago, lol. A quick trip to the castle that for some reason took me an age to find and in we go. Met this dude in there.



What the fuck? He's a pain in the arse and keeps killing people or would if they weren't all wearing Reflect Rings. Still gets killed though. We pick up a bunch of new weapons and re-equip.



COME GET SOME.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

With Fork Tower destroyed, we hook up a new ride.



Time to go swimming, fool.





Yeah, and my dick is only ten inches long.



COMMENCE STANDING AROUND.

Actually, forgot to nullify the berserker so spent the first thirty seconds hitting him with the other characters until he died.



Pointless new job acquired, we leg it, made it back to the boat with 3 seconds remaining. We head off to the nearest glowing blob on the underwater world map.



Gonna need some wellies I fear.

Pretty easy dungeon this one, more or less linear and no tough monsters.



Wait, what? Fourth? I don't remember getting a third. Lol doing dungeons out of sequence. Anyway, we grab the tablet with no sign of a boss...



Bugger.



Only just beat him with no particular strategy.



More pointless shit and the realisation I totally could have just walked past this guy. Fuck my life.

So we go to the actual third dungeon next and man is it a pain in the arse. Thinking it would be easier than the fourth I didn't bother restocking on Hi-potions and came in with about 60. There are high-hp monsters that do a fair bit of damage and doom you which would be bad enough but then there are arsehole lava sections you're supposed to float over only no float so after nearly running out of potions, I resort to using the ninja's escape command to run away from battles with one hp a piece. Got to the end eventually though.



A pig?



Three (little) pigs, obviously.



Insanely easy fight, zeninage and straight up hard hitting get this done in a couple of rounds.



GEE, THANKS.



Yeah, let's leave that shit for CHz shall we.



Whatever dude.



Hooray for bad guy clichés!

Bitch gets owned.



Apanda? An actual panda? What is this, World of Warcraft?

Dude goes down pretty quick too.



Backrowserker? Ah hell no, Dual-wieldserker with Thor Hammer and Titan Hammer of course. 6,000 odd damage a turn to most bad guys.

Beat the tall dude boss easily then got raped by the octopus thing a couple of times. Time for a rethink...

FELIPE NO

Suppose I should get this over and done with...



Throwing Elixirs mainly won that one.



Insert joke about Alice being a cumdumpster here I guess.



Another dumb bitch who needs to learn when to shut the fuck up.



Told.



Some big, ugly, gigaflare motherfucker next. I used the patented CHz cheap tactic and magic lamped the bitch.



Nearly there now!



Nobody likes it here. There are King Behemoths everywhere, I'm almost out of hi-potions and it's fucking miles to the nearest shop. We decide to tough it out.

There's a bunch of Fuma Shurikens in chests here. Also this:



Might not open that one after all.



In the best tradition of jrpgs, Exdeath spouts a bunch of faggy nonsense when you meet him. These games need to give you the option to slap emo fags in the face and skip all the crappy dialogue.



Was a giant tree really the most terrifying form they could think of for the end boss?

The world gets fucked, Simon says:





Sounds like a gay sauna society or something.



ROUND 1, FIGHT.



GOSH, THAT WAS EASY, I BET THAT'S ALL THERE IS AND THE FIGHT IS OVER.

Note the various haste effects rather than reflect, this was a first attempt, I switched to reflect rings for everyone except the berserker for subsequent goes with the zerker still in hermes sandals.



DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING.



FLAWLESS VICTORY!

Took a couple of attempts, the main issue being the bit at the back casting meteor and killing everyone and running out of all healing items with two bits still to kill. The Fuma Shurikens helped, dealing 7,000 odd damage each time.

Well that was a decent enough game. I'm not normally a huge fan of old-school rpgs, I certainly never got on with FF6 but I think the challenge element of this made it more entertaining that it otherwise would have been. Would have stood no chance without CHz playing it through in front of me, primarily because there are a couple of bosses I don't think I would have beaten without his strategies.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Tell him a British guy you know who finished it on his first ever play through using a randomly generated party limited to four job classes says he's a pussy.

Jam it back in, in the dark.