Star Wars!

Behave, they'll be the most dissapointing films ever. Think about how badly Lucas missed the mark with Episodes 1-3, then think about the last time Disney made an even semi-decent sci-fi film (Flight of the Navigator maybe?) and allow yourself to imagine what a huge steaming pile of turd episodes 7-9 are going to be.

Mark Hamil and Carrie Fisher will probably do it because they'll do pretty much anything for money these days but I wouldn't imagine Harrison Ford would touch it with a barge pole.

I would say it'll probably follow a couple of kids, both more annoyingly twee than Anakin in Episode 1, one boy and one girl. They'll go on a "wacky" journey and at some point the girl will do something all tough and the boy will say "Whoa" and look all Macaulay Culkin. There will be a perfectly even mix of black, white, hispanic and Chinese looking people in it, the bad guy will be Jewish and his henchman a camp Brit.

I'd love to be proved wrong but I can't see it happening.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

It was still better than the majority of the other Star Trek films though.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It also should never be forgotten that just putting lightsabers in something makes it three times better than the same thing without lightsabers. If John Carter had included lightsabers, it would have only been a slightly terrible film.

I challenge anyone to play Knights of the Old Republic and not spend 95% of the time taken walking from place to place pressing the Y button to spin your lightsaber around for no reason other than to hear the noise it makes.

How ya doing, buddy?