Guns in the workplace! :cmbirthday:

Three guys came into the bar I used to be assistant manager of on a busy saturday night once, one of whom was incredibly drunk. We served his mates but only let him have a glass of water. He got beligerent and started chucking ice cubes at people so our doormen chucked him out. As he was leaving he turns to the bouncers, pulls what looks like a Mac 10 out of his jacket and starts waving it at them. They did the sensible thing, i.e. backed off slowly until his mates told him to stop fucking about and get in the car. As he was leaving he shouted over his shoulder that he'd be back on monday to sort this out. One police chase later they found the car abandoned in a scummy estate in Brighton.

Anyway, a mate of mine owns a flak jacket and I've had it at my house for years. It's pretty warm so I wear it when it snows. I thought it'd be funny to turn up to work on monday wearing it...

As I walked through the door, the manager grabs me and hurls me onto the floor behind the bar before having a massive go at me. Apparently, because of the threat there was a police sniper team on the roof opposite and two armed guys in the bar. When I walked in in a bullet proof vest they had assumed I was the gun man and were waiting for the fire order to take me out. There had been three red dots on the back of my head and both guys in the bar had gone for their pockets. I was, by all accounts seconds from a messy and violent death.

So yeah, wasn't really such a funny joke in hindsight but I did get to know the two hardcases in the bar which was nice and they still say hi to me when I see them to this day.

Jam it back in, in the dark.