[DnD] Tomb of Horrors (GFF D&D Adventure X)

1 Die Roll Skills to pay the bills?

Well this was a sudden and upsetting turn of events. Luckily my formative years spent trekking in the mountains near our humble abode had given me pretty formidable running up slopes skills. Thinking the corridor was the safest option, I made a run for the doorway.

Athletics check to move at full speed back out the room and up the corridor

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Ch-ch-ch-check it out

I felt the heat singeing the hair on teh back of my neck but steadfastly ignored it as I tried to make it back up the hill towards the relative safety of the corridor.

Endurance check

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll History

GFZ could swear he'd heard about some town falling into a volcano once and how the townspeople had all had some great idea about how to escape. He racked his brain trying to think how he might help his stricken companions.

History check to shout advice to everyone else so they can escape better

I was speaking idiomatically.

1 Die Roll Now or never

This was getting ridiculous, I was mere feet from the broiling lava now with seemingly little hope of reaching the relative safety of the corridor. Although such a move was completely alien to me, I lowered my head and flat out charged up the slope in a way I'd once seen a combat minotaur do, hoping that some primal instinct would give me the energy I needed to escape my imminent fiery doom.

Athletics check to charge up the slope, using boots of adept charging for extra chargyness

How ya doing, buddy?

I lay on my back, panting for breath. The exertions of the lava room had almost been too much for me and the cold stone of the corridor floor was soothing after the intense heat of the lava. Despite my fatigue, I actually felt strangely stronger as a result of the trial by fire, it was a slightly odd sensation.

Surge up to near full (As in don't part-use a surge)

Clearly we had missed the actual way forward. I had checked the walls thoroughly or so I thought so the only obvious answer was some sort of passage under all that water or slime. Not fancying a dip in the slime, I wondered, out loud, if there was anyone around who could breathe underwater. The riddle did say we'd find a fortuious fall after 2 pits after all and I'd hardly call death by immolation a fortuitious fall by any stretch of the imagination.

While I waited for a response, I checked the walls, floor and ceiling where we were for any further hints.

Look for secret doors and treasure

FELIPE NO

I heard a kerfuffle behind me and turned to see what was going on. It looked as though Slim had something heavy tied to the end of the huge pole he had inexplicably stowed in his pack and was using it to probe the depths of the rancid pool. I wandered to the edge to see what it was he was using as a probe but couldn't make it out in the gloom.

I went back to checking the walls and so forth, happy that my erstwhile and frankly terrifying new friend was handling the business of finding us a route with a professionalism he had thus far seemed to be actively avoiding.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

It looked as though someone had dropped a scroll on the floor, probably in a rush to avoid the lava. I picked up the scroll and put it in my pack, thinking to return it to it's rightful owner should we come across them.

In the mean time it looked as though Slim had indeed found a way forward. I hooked my grapple and chain onto the edge of the pit and slithered down the chain to the corridor below, leaving the chain for the others to climb down before waggling it free and stowing it back in my pack.

Wary of how many traps we'd encountered thus far, I tried to avoid moving around too much until someone with a better eye for these things than me had a chance to look about.

How ya doing, buddy?

The floor didn't look safe at all. Holding one end of my chain, I tossed the heavier end with the grapple attached towards the door, hoping that the weight of it and subsequent dragging to get it back would set off any horrible traps between us and the door.

Getting the chain back without incident, I cautiously headed over to the door Garold had spotted and listened at it, my eternal curiosity overcoming my fear at what nefarious device might try to kill us next.

Chuck chain towards door then drag it back. If nothing untoward happens, go listen at the door.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

I had a feeling that Slim was about to do something destructive so I took a goos few steps back away from the door.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

1 Die Roll Heal check

Howard the goose didn't look too healthy but not wishing to see another creature come to any harm in this fell place, I did would I could to patch the little fellow up while continuing to distance myself from the door.

Attempt to heal injured Goose

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

1 Die Roll Checkcheckcheck

To be honest, I was now at a total loss as to what to do next. The door was riddled with traps so it must be hiding something really exciting, plus the riddle did kind of hint at that being the way forward but my life as a woodsman had given me exactly no skills in disarming magic traps. Round the corner, the lure of sparkly loot seemed to have over-ridden the little common sense the rest of the Five had, despite it being a) Not theirs and b) as obviously a trap as the chest in the entrance corridor had been.

I stood at the corner of the corridor watching on to see what calamity would befall us next. I was feeling a bit peckish so absent-mindedly took a trail ration from my pack and nibbled away at it, feeding some to Howard who didn't look all that healthier for my attempts at fixing his wing. I used the string that had tied up my ration to fashion a lead for the Goose, I didn't want him running off and injuring himself any further. I tied one end gently round Howard's neck and the other to my wrist. I might not be able to stop Slim from killing himself but I certainly could protect Howard.

As I worked, I cast my mind back to other caves and ruins I had explored on my quest, trying to remember if I had ever seen anything like this before that might help our predicament.

Dungeoneering check, we never use dungeoneering

I was speaking idiomatically.

The situation was becoming increasingly perplexing. We were faced with a massively trapped secret door we had pretty much no chance of disarming, a highly suspicious magic weapon and a room full of corpses just begging to be reanimated, again covered in arcane runes. Quite why the sages had thought it wise to send us down here with no proper wizards I would never understand.

I thought back to the riddle.

Two pits along the way will be found to lead to a fortuitous fall, so check the wall. These keys and those are most important of all, and beware of trembling hands and what will maul.

Well we'd been past two pits and found the fortuitious fall and checking the wall had revealed a lethal door. Beware of trembling hands could refer to a room full of skeletons coming back to life and what will maul could easily be a reference to the mace on the floor. Maybe I was just over-analysing the whole thing, Slim seemed to have the right idea, think first then act later. Of course he wasn't looking too healthy at present as a result but he had found the way forward on more than one occasion. I was moderately convinced that the highly trapped secret door was the ultimate way forward but whether the other two options would provide a means of opening the door I could not say for certain.

I looked down at Howard. The food seemed to have perked him up a little although his wing still looked rather sore. I had no particular desire to enter the room full of bodies and Howard looked like he agreed. Instead, we wandered over towards the mace looking around for the source of the strange voice. I asked Slim if I could borrow his handy pole and used it to nudge the mace, looking to see if it moved at all without either bringing the corridor down around it or transmogrifying into a demon or something.

Go investigate the source of the voice, borrow pole, poke mace.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I was surprised at how cautious the others were being about the magic mace. Obviously I had little experience of such things so my reticence was obvious but the others were all hardened warriors, I would have thought any one of them would jump at the chance to wield a mighty magic weapon like the mace claimed to be.

I knew I shouldn't touch it.

It had to be a trap, everything in this tomb was a trap. On top of that, it didn't belong to me and touching other people's things isn't a nice thing to do. Despite that though, my natural curiousity, given to me by milennia of evolution of my species, would not let me leave it alone. I had no desire to own it as a weapon or to own it at all in fact, I just wanted, no needed to know what would happen if I picked it up.

Offering up a pre-emptive prayer for forgiveness, I picked up the mace.

Pick up mace

FELIPE NO

I opened my eyes, more than a little surprised to see my hand was still attached to my arm. The mace felt odd in my grip, probably because I was unused to wielding weapons at all, let alone powerful magic ones. I was a little concerned by the mace's words though.

"Stealing? Why no, I was not stealing you from anyone. I have no intention of keeping you in fact dear boy, what use would a magic mace be to a simple woodsman such as myself? To be perfectly honest with you, we're in a bit of a pickle. You see we're supposed to be down here to stop some liche or vampire or something from raising an army of the undead only we've got terribly turned around in all these corridors and the place is practically bursting at the seams with traps. There's a big old door back there that I think is probably the way to go but it's got more bally curses on it than a gypsy swearing contest and a room full of corpses down there that we've yet to investigate yet but again, is probably just a big trap. As I'm sure you can appreciate, a magic, talking mace lying around on the floor was more than a little suspicious so nothing personal dear boy but I assumed you were part of a fiendish deathtrap yourself.

Anyhow, doesn't look liek you are and if you've been here a long time as you say, I don't suppose your owner will be coming back any time soon. How's this for an idea? I'll take you with us for now then as soon as we're through with this little jaunt I'll hand you over to the first Church of St Cuthbert we come across.

My name's Beefi by the way. The little angry looking chap over there is Slim, the hobbit in the hat is Sam and his talking skull is called Murray. The wolfish looking gentleman is Garold and the quiet elemental is called Grapefruit I think, he doesn't say much. Oh yes, this is Howard, he's a goose".

Introductions over and confident that I was commiting a righteous act by retrieving the mace, I took the only obvious option available to us and headed down into the room full of bodies for a closer look at the throne.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

1 Die Roll Intimidate

It seems as though my bravado might have got me into trouble again. I found myself rather exposed in the room alone, surrounded by the recently re-animated corpses of the long-time dead.

My natural instinct was to beat a retreat to the relative safety of the rest of the group but I could hear they were already hurrying in towards me and I didn't want to make a bad impression in front of my new friend the mace and Howard.

I took a couple of steps back up the stairs in the name of regrouping with the rest of the Five and assumed what I hoped was a suitably heroic-looking pose of grim defiance whilst secretly really hoping that none of the undead nasties would come anywhere near me.

Move north a couple of steps, full defence and try to intimidate magus

Jam it back in, in the dark.

1 Die Roll UN resolution

The zombie thing that seemed to be in charge of the whole shebang hurled a blob of oozy gunk at me. It didn't hurt at all but it made rather a mess of my tunic which had been clean on only yesterday. I was expecting a fight and instead I found myself in the midst of a mud-flinging contest. Well if that's the way these undead beasties conducted themselves then so be it.

Heedless of the carnage my companions were wreaking around me, I strode purposefully over to the Magus.

"Now look here Sonny-Jim, I appreciate that you may well have been down here for some time and perhaps things were different up top before you ended up as an undead freak of nature but in this day and age, civilised people do not throw slime at other people. It's simply unpleasant and frankly, more than a little unhygenic. Can't you see I have an injured goose here? The last thing he needs is some kind of magic muck getting into his wound and infecting it, the poor chap might never fly again! Now stop all this nonsense and let's talk things through like grown-ups, eh?"

Move to AI-91, diplomacy on magus, full defence

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Well this was a pleasant surprise, a reasonable undead magus rather than the usual cackling madman.

I made a pretence of thinking his offer through carefully but in truth, there was only really one sensible option. Minotaurs have settled their disputes down through the ages in one of two ways, either a month long debate followed by a series of voting rounds using all kinds of convoluted rules about supporting nominatinos and tie-breaks that more often than not resulted in an option never ever first considered winning out, or a poetry writing contest and I wasn't sure the rest of the Furious Five were in the mood for lengthy discourse.

I took my pipe and smokeweed out of my pack, charged the bowl, lit up and inhaled a lungfull of sweet smelling smoke.

"Why my dear fellow, we shall settle this like gentlemen. A poetry composition contest. We all write one, five of you write one, they go head to head at random, best of five wins. If we win you shall submit to our superiority and go back to being dead. If you win we shall turn around, walk straight back out of here and pretend we never met. Reasonable?

We will need an impartial judge of course and I propose that as the person here with the least to gain or lose from either outcome, we have Howard here perform the duty."

I wasn't convinced that if we lost the rest of the lads would indeed walk calmly from the room like nothing had happened, I had a sneaking suspicion that Slim would almost certainly "accidentally" hit one of the skeletons in the face on the way past but if there was even a chance of a peacefull resolution to this then I was happy to take it.

Most amazing jew boots

2 Dice Rolls Athletics check

Since it was my idea, I thought I should probably take the lead.

I cleared my throat and more or less off the top of my head, recanted our tale thus far in epic poetic fashion

Now gather all you gentles near
And listen to my story
Of warriors bold and their hunt for a liche
(Don't worry, it's not too gory)

Five were they, our fearless troop
Adventuring as they ought'a
Three of them were average height
The other two, much shorter

The Sage's sent them underground
Into the mausoleum's halls
They started as they meant to go on
By smashing up the walls

A riddle of sorts they came across
To tell them where to go
And did they pay it any heed?
Of course they didn't, no

The entrance hall was far from safe
Deep pits they were abundant
But strangely they found no living foes
Their weapons might prove redundant

Upon an empty room they came
But trickery was afoot
A baffling puzzle room it was
The prize? Some decent loot

Their next encounter, for a change
Didn't feature any traps
A pair of gentle elven folk
Both thoroughly nice chaps

Next up was a watery pit
For a ladder they were wishing
While the others jumped from plinth to plinth
Slim did a spot of fishing

Once past the fish they found a hall
With artwork on the wall
The lads weren't sure which held the secrets
Some they just took down them all

Sam explored a side passage
Seemed he was in a hurry
A minor fight they won with ease
And that's when they met Murray

Through a chapel, down a hall
A hop, a skip and jump
Sam could not quite clear the gap
(He's perhaps a little plump)

But what was this behind the door?
A party in a tomb?
They knocked on the door and sauntered in
Peering through the gloom

You might have thought the boys would learn
From each successive mishap
But apparently this was not the case
They'd walked into a trap

A desperate scamble thus ensued
To avoid a fiery death
It ended with an uphill sprint
That left them out of breath

Puzzled as to which way next
Slim looked into a hole
And smashed apart the bottom
Using GFZ strapped to a pole

And that, my friends is all but it
The rest we take as read
A magic mace, a secret door
And a bunch of walking dead

These mighty warriors stand fast
In search of death or glory
Churlish indeed to stop them here
And not let them finish the story

So Howard dear, my favourite goose
I hope I've entertained you
(And bear in mind that without my help
These skeletons might have maimed you!)

Finished, I paused for applause before taking a deep bow.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Aha, victory to the Furious Five, as if it were ever in doubt. St Cuthbert seemed a little upset but unjustly so I felt, we had after all vanquished the undead, even if we hadn't technically smashed them to bits. I had a feeling that the mace wasn't going to enjoy it's time in my keeping one bit if it wasn't a fan of non-violent conflict resolution. I had got this far in life without getting into any fights, I wasn't about to start now.

With the undead back in their more natural state of just dead and Slim looking like he needed a breather, I had a good look around the chamber to see what secrets these recently poetic bones were hiding.

Search the room for anything at all of interest; Doors, treasure, traps, whatever.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Slim handed me some of the coins I had found. I pocketed them, resolving to drop them into a collection box should we ever end up in a church again. The scrolls I ignored, nothing good could come of messing with strange incantations you found in a tomb.

I followed Slim over to the not so secret door. He looked much better for his rest, I pitied whatever monsters or beasties attacked us next.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Exciting thought the new room seemed, I was reminded of the riddle on the floor in the entrance hall and made a quick trip back to the undead room to check the throne out. I recalled something about a columned hall and a throne and this room did after all have both, although that would mean we'd skipped a bit of the riddle.

Go and give the throne a once over then rejoin the others

FELIPE NO

I approached the cauldron of green stuff, hoping to get an idea of vaguely what was in it without getting too close to inhale any vapours that might be coming off it. After that, I did the same with the blue one. With no other obvious routes onwards, there had to be some kind of mechanism in this room somewhere.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Science had never really been my strong point but I had a look on the cluttered desk for any clue as to what the room's previous occupants had been trying to achieve here.

Given the corpse was pretty fresh and given that we hadn't passed anyone dripping in gore on our way in here, it seemed logical that there was another door forward around here somewhere. I had a look for it.

Search the desk for clues and the room for secret doors, other than the one we used to get in here.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

I strolled over to the secret door we'd already found once and attempted to open it again.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

If I was going to put a pit trap in a dungeon, I'd probably hide it under a green rug. I edged into the new room, grabbed the edge of the rug and pulled it aside to see what was underneath. I then turned my attention to the curiously un-rotted tapestries, examining them more closely and looking behind them.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.