Man Wins 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' Contest

Zapp: How do I know these scissors aren't part of some Neutral plot?

Leela: But they're not even sharp. Who could I possibly hurt with them?

Zapp: The Yarn People of Nylar 4? [He points at the pink creatures made of string.] So, a plan to assassinate a weird-looking alien with scissors. How very Neutral of you.

Leela: What?

Zapp: It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. [Kif sighs.] Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Acro-nym

Wouldn't it be interesting if the rules of Rock, Paper, Scissors were realisitic? Like in medieval times, a man could disable the catapult by covering it with a sheet.

Scissors division! GO!

"But sir, we can't run with these!"
"Very well, walk quickly."
"Sir! My mom won't let me use scissors."
*soldiers laugh at him*
"Soldier, the men are right to laugh at you. These things couldn't cut butter."

*Enemy launches butter. The battle is won*

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Shiny McShine

How could this even be considered a sport? That's about as sensical as racing being a sport.

There's no way to predict what someone is going to do, so the game is based purely, yes purely, 100%, on luck. What a sport.

This reminds me of the card game "War." A buddy claims to be good at it, when its all based on how the deck was shuffled. Once the cards are dealt, the winner is already decided.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by YeOldeButchere

Pfff, "professional Rock, Paper, Scissors". That's just something invented for the wimps that can't handle professional Russian Roulette.

What's the difference between pro Roulette and amateur?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by YeOldeButchere

SurvivorsWinners from the amateur league are automatically promoted to the pro league. Admittedly, there's not that much difference when it comes to the mechanics of the game.

They do, however, use larger caliber. And the gun is gold plated.

So pro "athletes" just spend more money on stupid equipment like golf clubs that probably could be outdone by a broomstick?

I was speaking idiomatically.