Douchebag Roommates

I think I could write a book about how douche my roommates are, but you can chose which ones you want to read about if you like:

Roommate #1: Black racist

Spoiler:

1. She was black, which was cool since I never really met a black person before, but she was one of those black people who didn't think that white people were ever right. First of all, I told her that I was 1/4 Cherokee and she said, "It doesn't matter, you're still white." Secondly, we got into an hour long argument because I called a white guy a "Wigger" (I'm sorry, but if black people can call one another the "N" word, then why can't "white" people call eachother the "W" word)? She would always come to me and vent, but when I tried to vent to her she would go off on me about me blaming her for all my problems (which I didn't). Then, one day, I try to stand up for her Jewish friend and her other black friends went off and try to get this GIANT 6'6 black guy to beat me down b/c I said "Jews don't go to Hell, b/c if they did, than Jesus would be there." I told my roommate to get her friends to back off, then she went off on me and cause the school to send me to a psychatrist b/c they thought I wanted to kill myself. Turns out, I am 100% sane, in fact, from what I've faced in the past, they were surprised to see how well I turned out. She still believes that John Smith married Pocahontas. Honestly, I think African Americans (mostly guys that aren't into the gangsta movement) are awesome, but there is a serious problem with racist women on campus (that I haven't mentioned here).

Roommate #2: Never shown up, very good roommate indeed.

Roommate #3: Pregnant

Spoiler:

Roommate #3: They forced her into my room during the second semester so they can "collaborate" rooms (even though no one new was going to move in...dumb@$$es). She was half African American and half Caucasian, but she actually had a sense of humor and was even able to joke around with me. She even acted like she cared and wanted to hang out with me. She was great...until she became pregnant. The school didn't give her any special housing, so there I was stuck with classes and work from 9-4 (no lunch) everyday and I had to wake up to the sound of her vomiting. Then, she would skip all of her classes and work b/c she didn't fell well (which I can understand all of this, seriously).

However, she would be feeling great at night and she would keep me up until 3 or 4 a.m. every night b/c all of her other friends were asleep and I was the one in the room. She wasn't as bad as the first one, but I'm lucky that I haven't killed anyone because of lack of sleep and food. However, with all the moodswings and such, I now have a deeper respect for guys with pregnant wives.

Roommate #4: Da*n Yankee

Spoiler:

Roommate #4: Yankee. Now, there are some really cool Yankee's, but this Yankee is so horrible that I started to see why the south wanted to separate. Anyway, I guess this person thinks that her best quality is her intelligence (lord knows she's limited in other things). She is your stereotypical Yankee: Loud, obnoxious, rude, blunt, arrogant, etc (there are great Yankees out there, but please destroy her before she poisons more minds about how Yankees are). Anyway, first of all she thinks that -25° F is NOT COLD, so we fight back and forth over the heater (I tried turning it off once and she said that she couldn't stand the silence). I like the light and she wants the room pitch black all the time. She farts very loud in her sleep and she does this whale impression where she will raise her head and legs in the air with her torso on the bed (she's as big as one too).

She always interrupts people and talks all the time, but when you say something she doesn't want to hear she will actually cover her ears. She has chased away all of my friends (half of them are Asian and they won't get near me whenever she's around) because she's so loud and obnoxious. She did a "gagging" motion when one of my friends was using my phone to call her boyfriend to walk her home at night. I was one time wearing a spaghetti-strapped shirt (not showing and clevage or stomach) and she walks into the room and the first thing she says was, "I hope you're not wearing that. B/C first of all, you look like a slut. Secondly, that shirt is too small on you and it looks like your boobs are being held by 2 pieces of string". 2 weeks later, she's wearing the SAME EXACT SHIRT (except 10 times larger of course).

Also, she's one of those people who believes that she knows EVERYTHING. I told her that this book had small type and she said it was normal size. I said it wasn't and I thought the subject was dropped, instead she pulls out one of her papers and grabs my book from my hands and compares the 2 fonts. She agreed that it wasn't 12, but she said "Yeah, it's probably 10 though" when I said it was size 8. She wants me to read ALL of her papers to correct them (which I stopped doing that near the end of last semester). Once, I told her that this one country wasn't doing so bad economically, and she said, "You got a point". THREE DAYS LATER I was walking into the kitchen and she said, "Oh, by the way, you were wrong about the country...it's 153 out of 215". Like I give a flying f**k after three days!

She claims that she doesn't have any friends, yet she would occasionally hang out with people. However, she spends most of her time in the room, which is bad b/c I need my privacy (at least one hour, I beg you). She claims to be Pagan, but she wants to work as a judge on the Supreme Court, so she lies about her religion and claims she's Roman Catholic. However, I once convinced her to change her religion 6 times in one hour by saying "Are you sure you're not atheist?" and then she would say, "You know, you have a point..." then I would say, "That sounds more Buddhist" and she would say, "You know, I might be Buddhist..." seriously, religion isn't like changing socks!

Also, this is how my roommate describes the Yankee culture: She says that it is ruder to let a stranger sit in the same booth as you in a crowded restaurant than it is to shove their stuff into the floor. That if you talk about any member of your family (like some sotherners have the habit of doing when they meet people) then that is very rude. That being blunt and rude is nicer than constructive criticism. Seriously, this is what she tells me. I'm leaving out half of the injustices, but yeah if this doesn't qualify as being a douchebag then I don't know what does.

Roommate #5: She signed up for my room one day then changed her mind the next day.

Roommate #6: Don't know who she is, but I have the feeling that this one may make me want to stay in Sunderland. Seriously, I don't understand sometimes how these people get boyfriends (well, roommate #3 was awesome, I just cherish sleep).

Originally Posted by evergreen

Five out of five douchebags.

Isn't it a great part of the college experience, learning to adapt to having assholes around? I always hope this kinda shit has a pruning quality to it.

I think I'm trying to catch up to your record. I've had 3 roommates that actually made it to living in the room with me and 2 that either didn't show up to college or found someone else to room with (which one of the two I knew was going to be AWESOME).

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Dubble

Roommate #1:

Now I am Christian. I believe in God and such, but I'm not gonna take my beliefs and ram it down your throat. Roomie 1 was a super-religious nutcase who decided it was his business to convert me to his denomination because what I thought and believed about how I should live my own life wasn't good enough. Even better - (and keep in mind that this is a freshman dorm studio where it is only one room) - lets decide we want to play a little game we like to call "Let's have bible study in the room and not ask your roommate if its OK!" Thats OK that your roommate has been on his feet all day in classes, then had to work that afternoon, and is really tired and just wants to lay down and take a rest! Noooooooo. That is unnaceptable because how sleepy you are doesn't matter when you're a god warrior! YAY!!!! now don't get me wrong - like I said, I'm a christian. But I also know how to respect other people: how hard would it be to maybe move that to the student lounge so your roommate could get some sleep or maybe tell him before hand so there are no problems? Shortly after that I became his "pet project" as he was determined to convert a filthy heathen such as I and thats when enough was finally enough. :P

Yeah, two of my roommates did similar things. The first one would force me to wake up around 5 a.m. every morning b/c she thought that sleeping in until noon was a waste of a day. She was trying very hard to force me to go to her church even though I'm an Alternative Christian. She finally got mad and left me alone.

The fourth roommate, the Yankee, would invite this very obnoxious guy into the room after I had showered and his high-pitched, nasaly voice kept trying to convert me into watching Harry Potter (along with my roommate). Think of Randy and Eustis from King of the Hill and you probably know what this guy looks and acts like. Seriously, I don't know why they couldn't hang out in the lounge so I wouldn't walk out of the shower in a pair of shorts and a nightgown and have some odd guy looking at me. She normally won't warn me when he's in, or if she does, she'll say, "He outside the door right now, I'm letting him in."

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by Angel Of Light

1.) My second year (both semesters): You know your not going to have a good roommate, when he comes to you during the first day you move in and tries to persuade you to leave, by doing a student swap because he wanted one of his other friends to be his roommate instead of me that was living in the same residence. He use to make fun of all of my hobbies, especially in the residence lounger if i was watching anime or anything along those lines.

I remember one time, during our residence bash he forced me to move all of my stuff out of the refrigerator, so that he could have a big room party, so I had to take all my food and move it to a friends refrigerator so that he could end up stuffing 196 bottles of beer and a few 40 ouncers in the fridge for all of his friends. He was a tough roommate to deal with, but I endured through it.

You just described what happened between me and my Yankee roommate. We were both sophomores and a couple of weeks before college started she e-mailed me asking if her and this other girl could room together and have me and the girl she was suppose to room with live in the top floor (no elevator) of the worst upper-class dorm on campus. I decided that if she wanted to change she could, but I told her that I would take the unknown room and that she could have the other room. Luckily (or unluckily) she decided not to trade so I was able to live in one of the best dorms on campus, but with a bad roommate.

And I endured it for the year as well.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.