Theoretical Suicide

I've thought about this more than I probably ever should have.

Basically, when it comes to suicide, I see it in two different ways. The logical side of me reasons that it's essentially pointless - I compare it to playing a video game. Even if I know I'm not good enough at a video game to win, or there's a certain part giving me trouble, I'll keep trying at it until I glean some kind of success. That's a horribly geeky analogy, but it's worked for me on occasion.

The other part of me, however, sees things differently. Basically, that's the part of me that every winter is like "MMM PILL OVERDOSE YUM YUM DEATH", only in a more morose fashion.

After thinking about it, it's creepy how unreal death is. It can happen, but it doesn't ever seem real - I don't know if I'd be able to deal with anyone's suicide... I think I could, but it would never really leave the back of my mind. That being said, I try to keep myself on the straight and narrow when it comes to self-inflicted death...

But if I did (and I'm hoping I don't try again, I've been good for over a year now) I'd probably do it the way I've been prone in the past, which is an OD on painkillers. That's easy to do and not noticeable from the outside, nor particularly jarring to the self, or others. Though I've heard it's intensely painful on the insides...


In conclusion, suicide is still dumb, and people are important. People shouldn't kill themselves... or something. >>

How ya doing, buddy?