Gaps. Holes.

I have a really bad memory. There are gaps at times but usually I don't question them because I know from what friends and family have said that it's not as if I'm repressing something serious. Just everyday things that I forget.

There are only two times where I can't seem to recall a thing but they were related to much more serious issues. I know exactly what I was doing before and after but then there's this blank space in my memory. The first time was when I was much younger, and I would rather not go into what exactly it was. I know what happened because I know where I was and who I was with before the gap, and then after I was freaking out about it. I'm glad I can't recall anything actually. I think some things should stay forgotten.

The second time was witnessed by a clinical nurse, so I know it happened. In my own mind I lost about an hour, but I didn't even know until my doctor brought it up a few weeks later. Apparently I just stood up and stayed completely still for a while, not talking or responding to anything. Then I went on as if nothing happened. Clinically I think it's referred to as a catatonic state. My mind just shut down because I needed some mental breathing space.

I think repression is paradoxal; In conditions such as PTSD it would be incredibly useful, as it is more the memory itself that is causing distress, not the way you act because of it (if I remember correctly). However, sometimes memories need to be recalled in order to understand why people are the way they are.

Jam it back in, in the dark.