Do you have a criminal record?

The closest I got to having a criminal record was in my teens; it wasn't that exciting, a friend and I bunked the last two lessons of school, intending to run away from home too when I got cold feet. I persuaded her to walk into town and then we called my mother, saying we'd been abducted by a group of men at knifepoint because we were so afraid of admitting we were to blame for our actions (my god it still gets me now how stupid I was). Anyway, the police were called out and we were interviewed, and eventually they got the truth out of us. The officer said he wasn't going to put it on our records (I forget why, possibly out of sympathy for my idiocy). Apart from that little incident I'm quite innocent as far as the law knows.

Jam it back in, in the dark.