Am I dumb for wishing I loved someone?

Back when I was living in Orlando, I was dating a man in Gainesville. He was very nice, generous, and fairly attractive. However, there was nothing unique or special or quirky about him that drew me to him. I felt comfortable with him as a more-than-friend but the concept of being in a long term relationship scared me. I guess it was because I knew I could be doing better; I had fallen for guys in the past who made my heart sing, and this time it was not the case.

We still talk, and exchange e-mails a few times a week. He's offered for me to live with him, but I am very apprehensive. I do hate it here, living at home in Cleveland. There are many reasons why I would want to leave. I trust him entirely, but I guess I don't trust our emotions. I feel some kind of blurred line between friendship and companionship will fuck things up, and leave one or both of us hurt or bitter.

But... I guess I feel like he deserves my love. Like he's so nice of a guy, I want to fall in love with him so I will want to live with him and stay with him. Sometimes I wonder if I can love him, even if I feel there are better guys. It's not like I am just swarmed with alternatives; I've dated one other person that I was interested in, and for every time I've fallen in love, it's been a bust. (Usually the person is totally unattainable; in the most recent case distance was the problem even though we had dated.)

So yeah. Someone tell me what I should do.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Yes but I suppose it was never that I felt I could never love him, I just felt I could do much better and thus looked at him in a "meh" sort of way.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Wow, I feel like that sentence of mine was incredibly overanalyzed.

Also, I do not understand the division between TQP and ANGST. I'm not particularly angsty right now, just confused.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Kazyl

Um. I think that if you stay with him, you'll only be feeling safe, not satisfied.

I'm not quire sure what you mean. I'd certainly feel safe, and I might not feel totally satisfied. However, in my current life situation I am not totally satisfied, and I sometimes think far less than I would be if I lived with him.

Part of the reason why I'm asking for opinions is because I almost feel like it's inevitable that I end up living with him. I hate my current situation so much that I can easily imagine becoming fed up and leaving.

Right now I feel extremely sad for him. Since I've had my heart broken (twice), right now it's like I can feel his pain. I can't say I feel responsible for it like I've done something wrong, but just knowing that he feels that way depresses me.

After having my heart broken, I did and still do have a feeling of, "life's a bitch; I'm never going to get who I really want. I'm going to have to settle." And of course I've only been alive for 20 years, so a lot of people would tell me I'm wrong, but... Seeing him and so many other people with the same thoughts gets to me. They're a lot older than 20. They've actually tried for a much longer time and failed the entire time. And so I see this, and it just reinforces my feelings.

So I think part of my reasoning is that I'm looking for perfection in someone who sees perfection in me, and in the end it's just not going to work out that way, and I have the opportunity to just quit that search and take what's available.

It certainly sounds stupid as fuck, but you can see the reasoning there. I hope.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Okay, please understand that he invited me to live with him not as his partner but merely as a friend. Also, I don't feel you are looking at the entire picture. Part of my desire to live with him is for a better living situation, but I do not want to love him merely so that I can live with him or do so and feel good about it - I always have that option. He has expressed, even if he had a boyfriend I always have the option of living with him. So I mean, if I chose to live with him I would not be pretending I loved him to do so.

Certainly being in love with him would simplify any emotionally complicated issues regarding our living together, but it's hardly my only reason for wanting to love him. I want to see him happy, more importantly. In fact I want him to find someone he likes, someone he likes better than me so I can be happy for him. But I don't know if that will ever be.

I was speaking idiomatically.

That's not the case, Devo. I am not being defensive, I just want people to see the full picture, as parts of it can be more complex than it appears. I think nadienne understood it pretty clearly, though.

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

Didn't you already do this once, Eleo? I recall that you basically wound up hating the other guy.

This is true, and I have considered this. However, that situation was different for reasons I actually can't bring myself to explain. But all in all, that time I really didn't know the guy as well as I could have.

The man I'm talking about now I pretty much know is a genuinely good person. I only feel this way because of the selfless things he does. For example, him saying I'm always welcome even if he has a boyfriend just says to me that he really cares about my well-being regardless of our relationship. I don't really doubt that about him, I'm mostly worried about tension.

You could be right. Last time I really had no idea what to expect but that is not the case. Then again, it took me a while to figure out that the guy was a dick, which made me realize that this can be true with anyone.

Originally Posted by Denicalis

I'll make it simple: Yes. Love is for saps.

I know.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Well how long should I wait it out? A few months? A year or more? I feel that there's sort of a window of opportunity. Certainly I'm always welcome but there's a point where saying "oh btw I want to live with you" will come off as weird. Like, "um, you didn't want to for this long but all of a sudden???" So I guess I feel I have to do it within the next six months or (hopefully) never. He may care about me, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for me to impose.

I'm no longer sure which direction this conversation is going.

FELIPE NO