What are the five dumbest things you've ever done?

5. One day, I came home from work and saw this enormous, disgusting robe sitting on my bed. Wanting to know more, I went to the living room where my mom and nana were and inquired, "what is that disgusting shit robe on my bed?" She and my nana gave me a look of such immense disappointment. When I laughed and asked why she gave me that face, she said "that was your uncle John's."

My Uncle John who had passed away a few months prior. Apparently my nana wanted to give that to me as a gift to remember him by or something. I dunno, I don't wear robes, and I'm not gonna wear what my uncle probably DIED in. That's just... weird. Either way, it was a valid question, though I probably should have re-worked my wording.

4. This real cute girl liked me a great deal in 8th grade. And I liked her. So to show her my affection, when SHE asked me out, I asked her if she could wait while I see if this other girl who liked me was going to ask me out instead. Didn't hear from her again for some reason, nor have I ever had an opportunity for a girlfriend quite literally thrust at me so easily.

3. I dated the biggest slut in southern NH after one night of talking to her on the phone. She went on to cheat on me 3 times within 2 weeks, and I never got beyond making out with her. This was my first girlfriend, by the way.

2. In 9th grade, I gave my friend a copy of the anarchist's cookbook, only to have him turn around and sell it on floppy disks to other students. When he was caught he pointed the finger at me for giving him the original copy. He got suspended for 2 weeks. I wasn't in any trouble since I gave it to him outside of school, but this happened shortly after Columbine, and the school cop was none too pleased. My dad took away my computer usage for a month.

1. In middle school, my friend and I used to take those bread tab things, break off one of the pieces, put it on our finger, and then flick them at people. One of the asshole tech ed teachers caught us, and he told me to empty my pockets. So I did. All 8 of them. FILLED with these tabs. He was livid, so he told me to have my dad write a note saying that he allows me to use them, since I had told him that my dad has no problem with me using them.

At home, my dad wasn't in the mood for this childish punishment, so he wrote a completely "fuck you" note to the guy, saying "stop touching my child in weird places" and stuff like that. I thought that was the funniest shit ever, so I held on to that after he wrote me the real note. Well, I brought both to school. I gave the tech ed teacher the real note, but somehow he had gotten wind of the fake one, and gave both me and my dad a stern talking to. It was humiliating. I still think it's hilarious.

Funny post script: My dad and this teacher both play basketball at my HS's over 40 league, and my dad schools him every now and then.

Jam it back in, in the dark.