A Decision which Could Affect the Rest of My Life...

I saw three very serious flags:
"coming here about 4 years ago"

"But she told me that she is going to break up with him and has been trying for almost a year with little to no success. "

"she is Chinese"

Let me tell you... you are asking to be hurt. I am Chinese and I've dated A LOT of Chinese girls. The ones that come from overseas are the worst... usually clingy, and very needy. But on the flip side they are very affectionate (but that is only because they are inseucre and "need" someone hence the overseas thing). VERY TRICKY... the affection and sincerity is VERY appealing and DECEPTIVE... Seems like they love you, but they really don't.

Since she can't break up with her boy, it's obvious she can't let go of him yet. And if she did, it would be a sham. If you dated her (are you even dating her) and he came back in the picture she would fall for him again in no time. I promise you that she will leave you in a second without second thought. No matter how lazy, unreasonable, stupid he is, she will remain blinded by her "love". That's just what these girls are like.

The situation is retarded man. She is not honest or sincere either. Well, she might be at the moment, but she will not hesitate to change again either especially to give her "ex" a second chance since they have been "together so long". Don't believe it.

I'm assuming you're white? If she is a fluent mandarin speaker, I could see her using you as a rebound, but not as marraige. Chinese are stingy man, and they generally like speaking Chinese. Unless her current boyfriend is also white, I don't think you have much of a shot - too big a culture barrier no matter how hard you are willing to try.

I apologize in advance, for the harshness of this post, but I've just been through so many of these situations where the asian girl seems all for it but then decks out for no good reason (usually for the ex-bf) so I don't even sugar coat things anymore.

In a statistical sense you will lose, but I also speak from a biased point of view since I've had to put up with bullshit everytime I enter a scenario like this, so who really knows.

All in all, desipte culture, white/chinese, bf/gf, I say save yourself some trouble and don't go for it. 22 is still too young anyway.

<3rocket

Most amazing jew boots

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

But if things keep moving closer between her and I, then I would definitely help her plan a way to get out and find a new place. I think the biggest thing is she wants to find some stability... and right now she doesn't know where to get it from. I mean, she is very head strong and works hard, and I know she isn't using me for a crutch or anything. I just think she needs a reason to move on.

You guys know how difficult it can be to make large changes in your life, and I think for her its even more difficult because she is Chinese and there is more pressure on her than on most people who are born in Canada.

Yes, I am white, and her boyfriend is Chinese.

Even if it works out, and you make a successful pull, you're going to be in the middle of one helluva sticky situation in terms of ex-boyfriend. Maybe she can let go just like that, do you think he will do it also so easily? PLUS, she will always cave to his audience requests because they have "history".

its bad news man... bad news... but you gotta live and learn. My advice is to obviously not do it. But me personally, i have trouble listening to people so i'd probably do it anyway, get hurt, and learn the hard way.

So i changed my mind - I say go for it and see whta happens. But be braced to be fucked over, and to not be surprised if at the end you just wasted many hours trying to win her heart, thats all. but once agian, i'll say one last time, you are in an lose lose lose situattion right now.

ps. if she really is headstrong, and indepednat, she can find a way out herself... and find a place herself. if she can get out of her realtionship without you, then i say go for it. but if she needs you there... ftl

edit:
and just for credibility here is a quick rundown on my romance history

-had chinese gf just like the one you describe who left me after 2 years for an "old crush", so i can also speak from the "losers" perspective. (trust me it was hard for me to get over her and i put myself, and her through hell while doing it) which is why i sya her ex bf will be a pain in the ass (i sure as hell was)

-ive taken 2 chinese girls which same characteristics from the ex boyfriend. we dated for roughly 3-4 months each, but in the end they just went back to their ex boyfriend due to "history" (even after they slept with me... like wtf)

-ive taken maybe 2-3 chinese girls from nice, caring white guys (who were honestly better than me, just didnt have the culture bit).. relationship gnerally lasted 1 month
-i exclusivley date china/taiwan/japan ONLY, so i think im familiar with the market

There's nowhere I can't reach.

To me with that last post you just set the outcome in stone.

At this point, she is blinded by attachment and not love. Even if she finds love somewhere else (ie. you) I don't think she has the capacity to let go of her attachment, and it will eventually win her over.

It is because of this property I don't seriously date girls who have not been 100% single, out of a relationship, for at least 3 months. That way you are somewhat sure you get the true headstrong ones.

You know, she even realizes she has this power over you and in a way knows you won't get anything from here which is why she would say "she considers me very special and doesn't want to see me get hurt."

You'd better back off, and most importantly, you better not "play the waiting game". It seems like your a nice guy vivi, because you can or even want to wait it out. We all want companionship, but I've seen this case before... I live in this community... these kind of girls have the ability to lead you on, make you think you have a chance, get all sincere on you, and they can really, really, really, stretch it out.

But i like to play all sides. Maybe im the one missing out here... maybe I myself haven't found happiness due to the fact I refuse to play this waiting game... *shrug. but perhaps thast why people like me and you are born!

I conclude to say, despiet all the above, the bottom line is that she has a jealous ex, and can't let him go. fuck that situation!!! You can find someone else man! Of 6 billion humans (well ok lets subtract 1 billion due to poverty, and uh, maybe another 3 billion due to race preferences), so 2 BILLION... I am SURE it is possible to find not someone better, but someone with a simliar mindset as you. Or at least an Asian chick who is off their ex, and lookin' for mature/serious love.

GOOD LUCK HF

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Yeah man I think it's been exhausted, the possibilities, the outcomes.
But your conclusion seems like a good one. Good stuff.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by The Wise Vivi

Well, thanks for the help. I guess Ultima is having a hard time with me asking for some advice in the Advice Column.

who is ultima and where did this pedophile thing come from?wtf?

Most amazing jew boots

star (and ultima) you're retarded. it's not that you're just into asian women.. its just preference. I'm sure vivi would date anyone but in terms of personality and culture asian women just tend to fit better. Same here. Although I'm asian, i'd like to date white chicks, but asian girls tend to better fit the personality and culture type i am looking for.

plus fromw hat i hear there are a lot of asian chicks in canada.

god damn kids.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Originally Posted by starslight

But for someone to supposedly be able to relate to a foreign culture better than his own is weird.

i expect that you are some sort of white punk then. people are afraid of what they don't understand, and if you're close minded to the point where you believe that you should stick to your own culture, then shame on the viv for even considering your thoughts have any value.

btw thats a low blow to try to drag my own ideals into this. stick to the topic.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by starslight

And calling someone retarded is a lazy insult.

I didn't tell anyone to date only within their own culture. I'm saying that focusing so intensely on only one culture is probably unhealthy. Exploring other people's culture is great, but when it gets to the point that you can't relate to your own, that's when it gets weird. Or as others say, kind of creepy.

Yes. I agree then. If you get to the point where you can't even relate to your own culture at all then it is a bit strange. However, I still don't think Vivi meant it on such a degree despite the fact it might have been phrased that way.

But I'm not Viv's voice or personal defender so now I think i will step back!

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?