Your Occupying Romances (Crushes!)

These past couple years I've found that my mind hops from romance to romance. These thoughts seem to take up a certain section of the brain. Lets call it the "romance chunk." These people who are the subjects of my romance chunks allow my thoughts to come to some peace, on the mere thoughts of their character, future character, their promise, their figure, the things that make them so, their living beauty in the perspective of I. Sometimes these people are people I can engage for a further relationship, and sometimes they are somewhat intangibly out of reach to any result to physical attention.

You could equate the "romance chunk" to what is more simply known as a "Crush." Ah! "Crush!" What a fitting word for those crushing effects that another person can have on you!

I find the feeling of having a crush a very delightful one. Even when these people are out of grasp, it's still an entertaining thought for me personally, to just wonder on them, and fix fantasy scenarios that involve the two of us. If I dare to fix such in the fascination!

So, this is a topic about crushes, more or less. How do they effect you? What do you do about them? (Artistic things may entail here, or actual motions) How do they initially strike you? Stories? Etc.

My most recent crush involves a 14 year old girl. One of my better friend's little sister. I've hung out with her on several occasions and am now quite befriended with her as her oldest male friend. At first I was not able to see the beauty she withheld. But I've been beginning to see her beauty beginning to bloom, and yes I deem her beautiful already! Lest my thoughts shan't breach borders of fiendish sexual lust (almost pedophilic) but I still might entertain thoughts of her body against mine. (Ohhh!) To my delightful behalf I have a good hunch that we share an unspoken attraction, too. She laughs at all the little jokes I make, always gives a little snicker. And now I've been finding myself just making these little charmful jokes for her sake, to hear her laugh, and see her smile. Aw, my heart wrenches so! If there is one thing I possess as a virtue, it's patience. I could wait for this girl to grow up a bit, and to finally engage her. But by no means would I limit myself in the meantime to getting other relationship experience, but I do not shut down any fact of us creating colorful sparks in the future. This is kind of weird, too. Get this: This girl had a file in Legend of Mana, and she had named one of her aquatic pet: "Aquas" before even knowing me! How weird is that!

It's like how people say the want of something is sometimes more satisfying than having it. (Albiet I think this phrase applies to material things more often.) But I emphasise this notion for my situation, the notion of her brings me a contentness, a vial of hope in my breast! If I'm lucky, these crushes will inspire me to write. I wrote a poem for this girl, and hope to have it finalized soon after getting it critiqued by my current instructor.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by Ayos

I wonder if 14-year-old girls were the inspiration for Shakespeare.

Well, regardless, what My Dreams says is good advice, although I will point out that there have been plenty of times that my friend's sisters, sister's friends, or even girlfriend's friends or sisters, who were far too young for me, displayed this kind of attitude... and I thought they simply looked up to me, then came to find out later they had a HUGE crush on me, were totally obsessing, et cetera.

Scared me lots.

I agree with you here. Try to trust me that I'm not a pedophile or that I actually want to *ahem* desecrate this girl with my manhood. *sigh* I simply speak of a relationship that I do have healthy reciprocation from the other party in. This isn't exactly the regular crush that is unbeknownst by the other party, and where the one who has the crush pines over the romanticized (more or less) one in a hopeless solitude. I think you guys are exaggerating my feelings for this girl, but I don't outlaw there is SOME lust involved, too. More on the lines of "future lust" OR "future romance."

Perhaps I should rephrase the discussion of this topic to more so enquire on possible relationships or not-as-possible relationships, of which we think about on a daily basis? Romantic thoughts involved?

FYI: I live in the United States, in Minnesota. Sorry if I was unnecessarily flaunting in my type. -_-

And Avalo: I'll take that as a compliment... I guess.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

It's really not as much of a "deep, close attachment" as you make it out to be. I am somewhat fascinated by who she might become, yes. And such fascination allows me thoughts on "future romance." Seriously, "future romance" is the key phrase here. Is there something frigid and cold about this prospect that I don't understand? Can I not have hopeful (and fantastic) thoughts on the prospect of the girl's conscious personality? I don't think you understand my friendly sentiment here, as her friend and possible role model. This is basically me, giving her future character the light of a yound adult's wonderous perspective. In that, there is my romance for her. It's a diverse appreciation.

How ya doing, buddy?

Bah. I was being dense, should have kept my mouth shut. I would never take advantage of this girl. OKAY. And the possibility of anything sexual related is pretty much totally out of the question, and that includes before she's 18. I'm relating on a harmless fantasy. I have plenty of sense to not stoop so low. I'm a friend of the family. But I'm made out to be the bad guy here because of just that, a harmless fantasy I thought I could share because I was in a giddy mood from not sleeping. I understand your concern, I DO! But here me straight that this is a distant fantasy. And I intend no evil doing! NO EVIL DOING!

And honestly I don't jerk off to the idea of such! I actually thought about it briefly and decided that I shouldn't.

My description of my "crush" is for the most part a big hyperbole for my feelings. That I shouldn't have presented publicly. Does it change anything if in my perspective I view her as a girl more mature for her age? Is it just about maturity? What is it exactly? In my fantasy she is depicted as a mature girl, and a blaze burns in her eyes. (Would you be curious to read the poem I wrote on her, perhaps it would justify me more?)

The good that exists here, in my opinion, is that she is revered by me, a friend! Is that not a greater good, for reverence of one another to exist in the boggle of waves and space that exist between people?

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I understand that. By most means this is a temporary thing, just to keep me occupied (thus the topic.)

I was speaking idiomatically.

Goodness! Some people arguing the other side for me. I was feeling a bit isolated there. My intentions in this nature of thought for the girl are overall cautious and careful, and the heart of which is concealed with my optimistic demeaner with her. I won't infringe upon her or persuade her. When the time comes that I suggest our relationship to advance, it will be the RIGHT time. A time far away from here, a time I can't imagine where I'll be. In the distant future.

But frankly I'm tired of defending my nature on this situation.

"romantic notions can be purely idealistic and unadultered - call me quixotic, but I would rather very much prefer to keep this optimistic outlook than be unnecessarily burdened by the immorality going on around me." - einherjar

Yes!

Well, here's that poem I spoke of.

Aptly titled:

To 14 from 19

Your face beckons me pleasance
a fantasm of my thoughts present
a spell fits between us
and in its colors

I see you
when you visit a time
of a future desert:
you're wearing a dark green bandanna
your eyes I can't make out their color
they are those indecipherable oasis
that spill the light of water and earth.
Your hair holds steady its curls in
the heavy heat. The flavor of your cheeks
melts onto the neck of your dress
a most beautiful and daring design.

When you visit a time
of a future spring,
you stand erect and naked (it's cold)
your feet are the frog's
and the sea-textured boulder's too.
The way you stand in the river's stream
is the way you shine in the summer's sun
who deems the brilliance of you.

Now,
I hear your infectious laugh and
I taste the air around you for hope.
Your hums are that enchanted sound
that does me in entranced.
You are a girl's blooming youth.

I see your eyes
pace into the dusty forest
I am your tall elbow
conjoined with your own
my head at the top of the trees
I narrate the woods
discern between the healthy fruits
and the poisonous ones
I watch you eat
and your smiling lips
when you see a fox tumble.

I see each time you breathe
rays of sunshine twist into your mouth
of those I allow you breathe
I filter that magic around you

I am a young man's charm
to allow you the body's giggles
I am the patience of your future present
when I confess my gentleness...

On the infinitum of layers
that make us think together
about the fantasy of us
making a sanctuary of a bed.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Oh, Alice. =) Not showing her the poem. Thanks for the info on "grooming" however.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by a lurker

Absolutely wonderful, breathtaking imagry here. Do you have anything more about this girl, Aquas? I can't imagine the muse of love paid you a visit but once.

No, nothing more on her yet... Thank you for the comments! Admittedly I've considered doing a poem on the lust side of my feelings. But I haven't mustered up the raw emotion for that yet, and it would be kind of difficult, duely because she has barely matured into her body. Limits here.

Tama8Chan: I would wait for her to get through that, but if I happened to be around, I'd be happy to lend the aid of my wisdom. If ever necessary due to kindness and responsibility of an older friend (if our regular friendship grows.)

Koifox: Haha, no.

I read the pedophelia page on Wiki simply to educate myself more on the matter, since I seem to be stepping on both sides of the border here. ^_^
Treatment strategies are creepy. Lobotomies and Shock Therapy? Heh. Although I think those were reserved for pedophilic sex offenders, of which the article mentioned were 10% of the people who rape children. And more un-pedophilic oriented offenders rape children because it is "situational" to relieve stress.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Wow! Thanks for the feedback Denicalis.

Not a huge fan of the first stanza either, but was thinking of a way to start it out because it originally began with, "Your fresh thighs make me sweat"

I won't deny the sexual nature of the poem, and the imagery involved there. But you must take it as an outlet into the poem. I think the sexuality of it is indeed somewhat trite because I don't exactly feel that way, but I am also uncertain, too. Like I'm asking myself, "Is it okay for me to think this?" and I'm telling myself, you are probably right "Perhaps if I am suave with my words I can ameliorate what is controversial of my feelings here," but I digress that such thoughts deserve the tribute that is the love poem. They deserve the poem. Even if it's sucky to an audience, it helps me take a stand somewhere.

Let me ask you how I should improve the poem? You seem to be downright against the poem's subject, not considering that in my twist of words there is something meaningful besides the hidden notion that perhaps I want to have sex with her. That IS a hidden notion, but there's a reason I don't downright say "I want to insert my member into her soft gush," or whatever phrasing. Let that reason be the author may actually want to (or NOT want to against his own will) or the author is uncertain, or the author is curious, wonderous, contemplative, mystified? It's a matter of interpretation, I feel is the case here. Especially my interpretation of my feelings, that is uncertain. You must understand this is the first time of tried to deal with these kind of young love ideas. I might try to re-write something that is more honest to the pedophilic notions you oh so frame light in. .....I dunno.

I'm quite curious to see what kind of comments my poetry instructor will give me on this one.

I'm glad though because you understand how I feel in some of the stanzas. Understanding is powerful. Even in a bad poem? I don't like "the body's giggles either" it feels incredibly cheesy.

Your feedback is greatly appreciated, Denicalis. Thank you!

This isn't an intense crush at all, either, it's more on the base of curiosity. Granted, I'm kind of a strange fellow, as some people I've met have flat out told me. I laughed at the joke poems, neckbeard is a great image and it reminds me of how Bjork talks about inhaling beards all the time in her lyrics.

Kevin Wong eh? I'll check it out. But I didn't like that excert a lot, it was indeed redundant, and I was hoping he would go in the room and be like "Hey sup."

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Sick of the same replies. And sick of reiterating myself where my intent is continually not comprehended the way I wish it were. It's too complex to be broken down. My thoughts are slightly disturbed because of general depravity of physical love, probably, if you so see it that way. I call it a glorified romance for what is fantasy to be. The thing that makes me feel good about writing this poem is that I can still feel love without actually experiencing it through my notions and words. I illuminate an idea like this to make myself feel good about myself. Sure, some factors of lust may be involved. What is love without lust? You guys fail to see the point I'm trying to make and stand stabilized on.

The idea I'm taking is of the utmost pre-emptive appreciation for a person of whom allows a warmth to be felt in my heart. There's this warmth. It's all about the fucking warmth, okay? Just imagine this warmth. With your friends, with your boyfriends / your girlfriends, the often un-spoken warmth of familial love. It radiates from our hearts in a large electro-static like field, like how the Earth's field looks like, with the curves at the north and south poles. When hearts come together, maybe in a 10 feet range... these fields are effected. I am investigating how the fields of how this girl and I react. I investigate it through the ability to change my thoughts into words, it is very fascinating. It doesn't matter if we are or aren't destined to be together, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. And it probably doesn't matter that I write the poem, except for my own personal gain. But I write it. I fail to see the difference here if she were 2,3,4,5 etc years older. So what if I happen to have this kind of insight in the reaction of a girl 14 years old. Nobody knows how I see her except me. At this point I'm writing this only to liberate myself upon the judging. And I reiterate from what I've said previously, that it should have been kept to myself... like most poetry should, in the dungeon of thoughts that cross a poet's mind. The only reason I brought this thing up was because it was my most recent thoughts of which I would categorize in the general order of a loving infatuation. Hell, I don't love this girl. She doesn't love me. I don't freeze up near her or stare at her, but I like to make her laugh, that's my confession. The notion is that maybe the energy between us already loves itself? The same could be applied to so many situations of the beginning of relationships, I think. You don't really know. The only minorly unfortunate part of this is that I won't really know for a long time, in a lower division of chance that I continue to think about our energies. It's SO very unlikely I pursue it. I'm beginning to feel a bit upset at how inflexible some of you are to this grade of thought, as this KIND is of the minority of my thoughts. I should shun myself in the future if all my romantic thoughts are held on my friend's little sisters. But due to this wonderful situation, I've had the pleasure of being in the presence of my friends sister, and recognized admirably the same warmth I feel in my friend as well.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Man. Heh, I checked out Kevin's website and read what I could on that google page. He seems like a pretty righteous dude. Looking at the excerpt Denicalis posted earlier still makes me crack up though. From browsing his website it seems he feels very blessed by his faith of God and in living. Do you own his book, Denicalis?

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Aghast! The poem is important because that's the soul. It's more about how people think I want to do that, but that is false. I'm friends with the parents. It is completely about warmth, too.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

This thread isn't and hasn't really been on topic besides the topic of my romance, and some questions on pedophilia. So I'm gonna close it. I've been judged and the general concensus is that I need to evaluate myself for having these thoughts. To that I say, "Sure, okay, legitimate concern." It's a sensitive subject, obviously. Go make a thread on the sewers if you wanna continue talking about my "values." In quotations because my idea of value (which is subjective) is disagreeing in that I want to "put my diddle" in this girl, which most are going forth to believe. I do agree that I have a sort of attraction to the girl. Enough said.

The thread was supposed to be about other people's experiences with crushes or random romances 'n such. Which it wasn't very fruitful in, but it was fruitful in what I decided to share.

For fun, I'll leave you guys with an (unrelated to the girl previously mentioned, but to a girl my age) erotic poem I've written. :juggler:

Blood Source

As I think of you
this moment is very exciting
because I don't know you are.

As I become erect
I think of you, and
of my pumping blood
into my member

and as I think of you
I want my blood inside of you
surging directly from me
and from my thoughts into you.

I see your sad eyes as I donate to you my endless love

When it's all done
I see you flush up,
vigor rise within you
so I smile.

I was speaking idiomatically.