[Classic] Manhogan Fantasy V: Because CHz really, really hates himself

In last year's Fiesta, someone completed 14 runs, so Pang has to pick up the pace a little bit.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Here are most of the Rift bosses introducing themselves. From left to right: might suck (#3), definitely going to suck (#4), not bad (#1), probably the hardest required boss for this party (#7), not bad (#5), not bad (#6), might suck (#2).





#1: not bad. She casts Reflect on herself and bounces some poison spells at you, and she also counters with Drain a lot. She's vulnerable to Silence, but I didn't need to inflict it (I kept some Mage Mashers I stole during the Karnak escape just in case, but I've never used them). I even forgot to equip the Chicken Knife on my Berserker and still pummeled her into a fine paste without any issues.







WHY AM I EVEN GOING TO ATTEMPT THESE GUYS I AM THE DUMBEST





whoops i'm a boob and forgot to take a screenshot

anyway

#2: might suck. This is pretty much exactly like the Byblos fight but with stronger attacks. What I had to worry about here was him using Wind Slash more than once without being able to heal sufficiently in between. At one point I had only my Geomancer alive with about 45 HP, but I somehow survived.





#3: might suck. Azulmagia uses nothing but Blue Magic, so this fight is really dependent on which attacks he rolls. You'll laugh when he tries Level 5 Death and cry when he uses ???. I ended up with Krile Olded and Butz hit with Dischord so my damage output was awful and this took forever.





#4: definitely going to suck. Like Titan, this guy also spams the fuck out of Earth Shaker, but when he does it, it does 1000 damage to everyone. If you have characters Floating, he has the additional dick move of casting 100 Gs to cancel it.

The most hilarious way to beat Catastrophe is to put a Reflect Ring on a Floated character, because 100 Gs is reflectable. His AI script is pretty dumb, so every turn he'll notice you have a Floated character and cast 100 Gs to no effect. No damage flawless victory for the party.



Of course I don't have a way of Floating anyone so I'm totally fucked. Wiped four times before working out a healing strategy.

Earth Shaker killed Lenna outright, so she just stayed dead. I put Hermes Sandals on Krile and Faris and Artful Dodger on Faris too. Between them, they were able to get three turns in between every one of Catastrophe's, so they were able to get everyone's HP back to max with elixirs before the next attack. With that taken care of, it was just a matter of Butz poking it with a stick until it died.

Good thing I've been stockpiling these elixirs. Going to use every single one I didn't use here during the Necrophobe fight.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

There are six of these guys milling around the same area as Azulmagia and Catastrophe. They play the boss BGM, but aside from their tendency to knock your characters out of the battle with Encircle, they're quite easy.



After you whale on them a bit, they turn into this guy, who is similarly a cakewalk. Much easier than Archaeoaevis.



Jura Aevis has a rare steal of a Dragon Lance, which murders the heck out of dragon-type enemies. These are more or less required for Shinryu, so I save stated my way to four of them.





#5: not bad. He knows Holy, which is pretty much an instant kill, but aside from that and occasionally turning your entire party into frogs, he's quite easily murdered.





#6: not bad, when fought correctly. He has a 1/3 chance of countering both magical and physical attacks with some nasty stuff, and he has some powerful normal attacks too. After a few turns, he'll start charging one of the most powerful attacks in the game, Giga Flare.

A book in the library room in the Rift hints you to his weakness: when he's charging, his defense goes way down and he becomes vulnerable to a few more status effects, including Break and instant death. Dropping an Odin on him in this state is instant victory, so all you have to do is heal and not attack until he starts charging and then Magic Lamp him.





One last Gilgamesh "fight," which only lasts for a couple of rounds before he scampers off.







So you get to Exdeath and he sucks more places into the Rift before you fight him. I'm taking some pictures because I don't think it's very well known what happens if you leave the Rift and return to the overworld after this cutscene.





LAWL TIME WARP

EVERYONE'S OKAY





#7: I'M FUCKED. Actually Necrophobe is not required at all, I'm not sure why I thought he was.

The main issue isn't with Necrophobe himself, but rather the four Barriers around him, which all reflect disgustingly powerful spells at you. The same problem I had with the Crystals comes up again here: I need to kill them off one at a time as quickly as possible, which is exceedingly difficult with a Berserker as my muscle.

The reason I left the Rift to take those last time paradox screenshots was to buy four Flame Rings from the Phantom Village. The Barriers will occasionally toss fire spells my way, so they'll be absorbed and heal my guys. I'm also giving Ice Shields to my Berserker and Dragoon so they'll absorb the ice spells too.



Still wiped because they also cast Holy, Flare, and Thundaga.



I beat him on my third try, but only because I got really lucky with their spell selection and my Dragoon's jump timing. I ended up getting her off screen right before they unleashed a round of spells that killed everyone else and would've killed her too. Also, the last Barrier ran out of MP (they only have 300 and cast high level spells), which helped a lot.

Even when you destroy the Barriers, Necrophobe himself is not a pushover, because he attacks twice per turn and has a really high offense. Ended up using 10 phoenix downs and 18 elixirs for the whole fight.





Okay fate of the world etc.

Like the last Exdeath fight, he uses a lot of physical attacks for which the Elven Mantles might have been a better choice to keep, especially at the beginning. When he starts casting spells, though, it'll make life so much easier.

Also like the last Exdeath fight, there's no real complex strategy here besides stabbing it until it dies. Just had to keep my HP up, because Meteor can very easily ruin my day.







Welp Almagested into oblivion. None of my characters have enough HP to survive it, so I've gotta go grind some levels and maybe pick up some equipment with higher magic resistance. Guess I'm not beating the game tonight!

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

I use version 1.7.6 of the Mac builds of VBA, which is four years old and still the most recently updated one because that's how Mac emulator development works. http://sourceforge.net/projects/macboyadvance/

I was speaking idiomatically.

One of the best places to grind for experience points is in the uppermost room of the castle in the Rift, after Halicarnassus but before Twintania. You have about a 3/5 chance of fighting one or two Iron Giants, which drop 10,000 EXP (divided by the number of party members) apiece.








Grinding before and after. Why did I try to beat Exdeath at level 34 with this party what the fuck is wrong with me.





The final boss has four sections.

The middle section is the split in its bottom right corner. It knows the horrible, unreflectable attack Almagest, and you usually want to kill this part first. It's vulnerable to Break, so if you have black magic or Spellblade that's definitely the first thing you want to do.

The top section is the red horned beast thing at the top of its back. It knows Grand Cross, which inflicts a random status condition on everyone. Might get blinded, might get instant deathed.

The front section is the horned dude closest to Butz. It uses mostly physical attacks.

The back section are those skeletons in the bottom left. The back uses mostly magical attacks, every single one of which the Reflect Rings will bounce. Since it's the least dangerous, it's the one I'm going to try to keep alive until last. It's vulnerable to Odin's Zantetsuken when used from the Magic Lamp (summoning Odin won't work), so when it's the only one left it's an easy path to victory.



Wiped three more times. My Neo Exdeath strategy centered completely around my Dragoon.

With the section that casts Almagest alive, the only people I can keep alive are the Berserker, who has enough HP to take it, and the Dragoon, who can jump and avoid the attack. Neo Exdeath telegraphs Almagest by shaking, so as long as I don't take a turn immediately before he signals, the Dragoon will never be hit.

Since all of Neo Exdeath's magic is reflectable, my Dragoon only has to worry about two things: physical attacks and Grand Cross. With the Mirage Vest, most physical attacks will miss, and she has enough HP to survive them even when they hit. So as long as I have enough hi-potions and elixirs, I can keep her alive as long as I don't get unlucky with Grand Cross.

The Almagest section has 50,000 HP, which means it'll take 20–25 jumps to kill. That's an awful lot of Grand Crosses to survive, but there's a potentially faster way to deal with it.



Remember when I said that the Almagest section is vulnerable to Break? One of the back section's magic attacks is Delta Attack, which inflicts Break. It has a 1/3 chance of using Delta Attack every fourth turn, and then that has a 1/4 chance of hitting the right target, so there's a slim chance of it happening, but with my Dragoon I can just sit there and wait for it to happen.

With that section dead, it becomes far, far easier to keep everyone alive, because his attacks that can do damage are all single-target.

YouTube Video

THIS IS INCREDIBLY INACCURATE, GAIA WON'T ROLL STANDSTORM IN THE LIBRARY YOU IDIOTS





Final stats for this band of maroons.

But are we done? Oh no.





We've still got a bunch more deaths to add to the final montage. 8)

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me the pleasure of introducing you to Shinryu.

Here's how Shinryu says hello:







He's an affable guy.

Coral Rings are essentially required to survive his opening attack, which is super unfortunate because it means we can't use the accessory slot for something more useful. He also flings fire (also absorbable by the ring), ice, lightning, flare, status effects, and so on, so it's your choice if you want to guaranteed absorb one element with a Ice Shield or go for the Aegis Shield and hope RNG bestows favors on you. A few of his moves are reflectable, so summoning Carbuncle is a decent idea, but none of his worst ones are so it probably won't save your life.

The Chicken Knife is awful for this fight if you're not using a special attack command, because you can flee! Since Shinryu is a dragon, Dragon Lances would probably do more damage than the Chicken Knife anyway. Hopefully everyone in your party learned Equip Lances from the Dragoon class.

The easiest way to beat him is probably just to Berserk him, because that way he'll only kill one of your party members at a time instead of all of them at once.



I gave it a few shots at level 38 for laughs and that shit clearly wasn't happening. I did like 20,000 damage to him one time, that's 2/5 of the way there!

To the grinding grounds!





By the way, these guys have a common steal of elixirs. Sure beats buying them for 50,000 gil.





Level 43: nope.



Nope.



Nope.



Nope.



Nope.



HAHAHA YUP

Okay here was my strategy, to the extent that the word "strategy" can be applied to what amounts to prayer.

Faris: Berserker with Equip Lances, Dragon Lance, Hermes Sandals, and an Ice Shield. WILL NOT survive the opening Tidal Wave.

Krile: Thief with Artful Dodger and a Coral Ring. Will revive Faris and then probably die on Shinryu's next attack.

Lenna: Geomancer with Artful Dodger and a Coral Ring. Will heal Faris back to full and then also probably die. She and Krile are on healing duty for as long as they're alive.

Butz: Dragoon with Artful Dodger, Dragon Lance, Mirage Vest, Hermes Sandals, and an Ice Shield. Will avoid Tidal Wave by Jumping.

Once Faris was revived, she was usually able to get two or three attacks in before dying again, and the Berserker + Dragon Lance combo would hit for about 6500 HP. Butz jumping would do about 9000 damage, so for this strategy to be viable, Butz would have to survive to jump four or five times WITHOUT Shinryu ever using Mighty Guard, which halves physical damage.

So the battle plan was to furiously slam on the keyboard every time it was Butz's turn to get him in the air, all while hoping Shinryu didn't use Atomic Ray (usually an instant HP kill), Evil Eye (instant Break kill), or Roulette (sometimes an instant Death kill), or attack twice before I could renew the Mirage Vest, or do any of the many other things he could do to fuck me over. Eventually I pulled the right random numbers for it to work!

Here's a video, you'll notice this one ends differently than the screenshot above THAT'S RIGHT I DID IT TWICE

YouTube Video

SKILLS, THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN

FELIPE NO

Now this asshole is Omega. His attacks don't hit as hard as Shinryu's, but he's far more impossible for this party because his evasion and defense are off the charts. Most Omega strategies use an attack that bypasses those stats, like Rapid Fire, or reflect spells at him. I, of course, can't do any of that: Gaia doesn't work, most Magic Lamp summons just heal him, and even my Chicken Knifed Berserker isn't strong enough to dent him.

Omega also counters all damage with two attacks, one of which might be Encircle (permanently removing that character from the battle). Oh, and he knows Earthquake, which is a total party kill.

The only way I have to damage Omega is equipping my Dragoon with a Trident (lightning-element weapon) and then jumping, because Jump disregards evasion and the Trident disregards his defense because he's weak to lightning. With the right equipment, I can bounce or absorb most of his attacks, and it's tricky but theoretically possible to time my Dragoon's jumps to avoid his counterattacks when Reflect temporarily causes Omega to target himself. With enough speed to keep healing, something approaching a strategy miiiiiiiiiiiiight be possible.



However, without Float, there nothing I can do about Earthquake.

With Omega's AI script, the point where he might use Earthquake is too close to the attack window for the Dragoon to be able to hop both, so I'd have to come up with some fidgety, frame-perfect jump timing strategy with multiple characters that manipulates ATB, or abuse save states to ensure he never uses Earthquake. Either way, fuck this, I'm out.





I've never been to the bonus dungeon, and I haven't read any walkthroughs or anything, so I don't have the slightest idea what the fuck is in here or how manageable it's going to be.

FOR VICTORY





Well this seems safe.





There are three bonus GBA job crystals hanging around in the antechamber, and you get a fourth one for being the end boss of the dungeon. Since that last part will never happen, and I'm never going to use the crystals I do get, I'm not even going to tell you what they are.





I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.





I WAS WRONG





OH GOD GIL TURTLE

So this is an optional boss I skipped in world 2. I didn't even attempt it because it's majorly overpowered for that part of the game, and I had absolutely no chance without grinding for days. With levels in the 40s now, though, this might work.

His attack pattern is pretty simple: he just attacks, and when you hit him he counters with two Turtle attacks, which hit a bit harder than his normal attack and inflict poison and blindness. With HPs near or past 2000 and lots of hi-potions and antidotes, I can manage this.







Oh right, forgot he uses Earthquake when he dies. Whoops.

Welllll, guess I'll have to count his HP and have someone in the air.



lawl offscreen victory

So now we're down to just one skipped boss again.





fuck this maze btw





Oh boy, another boss.



All right it's fightin' time



Wait you want what



So apparently there's a fucking job wall in this dungeon, and to proceed you need a Beastmaster. God damn it, S-E.

There are a couple of other places in this dungeon I can go to right now, so I'll check those out first. I REALLY want to poke around in this place as far as I can go, so after I reach the other dead ends I'm going to switch to a Beastmaster for one battle to capture the Behemoth. For purism's sake, I'll make a note where the end of the run technically should have been.





PREVIEW FOR NEXT TIME: I FOUND FLOAT IN THE BONUS DUNGEON

OMEGA YOU'RE MINE

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

38 is a little low, but within the normal realm of possibility if you've learned the right jobs. Typically during the endgame, you have a bunch of jobs mastered and use a party of Freelancers and Mimes, which have multiple ability slots and the innate abilities and stat boosts of all mastered jobs. I think the usual recommended final boss level for FFV is 40ish?

Of course, the reason I tried it at level 38 with THIS party is that I'm a total buffoon.

Originally Posted by Hyde

I'm also not using save states. I'm assuming from the posts that you are?

I'm using save states for screenshots (rewinding), to speed up trekking through dungeons (when I wipe), and for getting rare drops & steals from enemies. I decided at the beginning that I wasn't going to use them to manipulate the outcomes of boss battles, so I play those from start to finish and always restart from the beginning when I lose.

But I miiiiiiiiight cave on Omega.

Most amazing jew boots

^^^^^ Omega and Shinryu can both be trivial with Bard as one of your classes if you use the right exploits, as Bard is super broken





Without magic or Beastmasters, the only way for my party to get Float is to confuse a monster that casts it. With the jobs I have, the only way I have to confuse monsters is with Geomancer's Gaia attack Ignus Fatuus, so not only do I need to find a monster to confuse, but it also needs to spawn on a terrain where Ignus Fatuus will happen.

The two monsters that fit this category are Gaelicats and Poison Eagles, but I can't confuse them because my Geomancer's level is so high that Ignus Fatuus KILLS them. So that's why I was convinced that I could never get Float.

I was right in that I can't confuse any monsters that specifically cast Float, but I was wrong in that there is a monster I can confuse that casts a spell with several effects, including Float.







That spell is Mighty Guard, a Blue Magic spell that gives Protect, Shell, and Float.

Stingrays normally spawn on the ocean, where I wouldn't be able to use Ignus Fatuus, but they also spawn in River of Souls B3, a cave area where I can. Wouldn't have helped with the Catastrophe fight, because you can only come here once you've beaten the final boss.

On to Omega!





Fuckballs.

So I'm calling this one as impossible, unless I can figure out a way to get Haste while keeping a Reflect Ring on or have some grand epiphany about healing. My party is simply not able to keep up with the necessary healing.

here's way more detail about why this isn't workable than anyone cares about:

The problem is the middle part of his AI routine that goes like this:

1. Wave Cannon
   --> Dragoon needs to jump here -->
2. On the same turn:
   • randomly 1 of Delta Attack, Blaster, Wave Cannon
   • randomly 1 of Maelstrom, Earthquake, Rainbow Wind
3. Search
   --> in order to land here -->
4. randomly 1 of Rainbow Wind, Flame Thrower, Atomic Ray
5. Wave Cannon

In order to not trigger Omega's counterattacks, I need to reflect his attack Search back at him; using Search on himself will cause him to target himself instead of my party for his counters. The Dragoon needs to jump at the exact point I've listed in order to land while Omega is mistargeted.

The problem is that Omega uses Wave Cannon, which hits for half of maximum HP, right before the jump, and there's no time to heal before jumping. So when the Dragoon lands, she'll be at less than half of maximum HP. Omega is so fast that he'll then use his next two attacks before the Dragoon gets another turn, and one of those is another Wave Cannon. The only ways to guarantee her survival are to Haste her or heal her with another character.

The only way Haste her is with Hermes Sandals, but that's not an option because there are several instant-death moves I need to reflect. Keeping a support character alive is a problem because a couple of Omega's attacks will unpreventably kill them: Flame Thrower because they can't equip a shield to absorb fire, and Maelstrom when they're also leaking HP from a Wave Cannon blast. Even if they're alive at the end, her healing of the Dragoon will come at the expense of her own; she dies shortly thereafter and the Dragoon can't spend a turn to revive her while healing herself.

So in summary: life sucks, throwing in the towel.

lawl check out that zombie with a Reflect Ring, here's a failed strategy that'd work WITHOUT Float if I could Haste my Dragoon.

I need to have someone to reflect Omega's Search attack back at him, but my Dragoon can't do it while she's in the air. Soooooo, rather than having to keep a support character alive, I can just equip a Reflect Ring on someone and then have a Shield Dragon in Kuza turn them into a zombie. Omega's attacks will never kill them (since they're already dead), so they'll just be an eternal reflect wall.

But of course, that strategy doesn't work because I can't keep my Dragoon alive. 8)





Okay, we're back!





O... okay?



Well I'm sure this is a completely insignificant detail.

Fuck this maze. Just give me the thing now, don't make me find the thing I'm supposed to use it on first and come back.





Found this thing, which is a GBA-exclusive armor that halves fire damage and is equippable by Thieves. I could use this to reduce the damage from Flame Thrower and maybe stand a better chance against Omega.

HAHA NOPE NOT GOING BACK





ufk dead end already

Apparently there's only the one boss accessible without a Beastmaster, Gil Turtle, so this is the pedantic end of this FFV run. I've seen all I can see and fought everything I can fight with this party.

However, because I hate the way this place is designed and hate all the worthless treasure chests it has, I'm absolutely going to swap in a Beastmaster for one battle so I can pass the totally unnecessary job wall.

Because the way to show my utter disdain for this bullshit is to keep playing.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

fuck this guy





fuck this job wall



fuck THIS guy





fuck this door



fuck this statue



fuck this guy especially



fuck this timed sequence



finally





All right, here we go with the first original boss of this joint. I'm going into these fights totally blind so this should be good.

I can already tell that I'm going to need Reflect Rings for this fight to deal with the Dark Elementals, because I fought them elsewhere in the dungeon.



I WAS RIGHT

Actually this guy really likes to turn people into zombies so some Angel Rings might be better.



NONE OF IT WORKS

Reflect Rings are a bad idea because they only reflect Blaster and Aeroga. Reflecting Blaster is good, but reflecting Aeroga is bad because it heals Grand Aevis and damages the Dark Elementals.

The Dark Elementals heal with White Wind, and when they're both dead Grand Aevis revives them, so to have damage stick to Grand Aevis I need to kill one and keep the HP of the other one very low. Bouncing Aeroga doesn't fit into a strategy of controlled damage.

... nor does a Berserker. Might have to kill him beforehand.

Anyway, I don't stand a chance here until my people have enough HP to survive Aeroga, which means grinding out the ass. Still probably won't stand a chance afterward, but I won't know until I try!





These guys, who spawn in the Hall of Doubt in groups of 3, are my new favorite XP grinding chumps. They leave 7,000 experience points apiece, so that's a whopping 5,250 for every party member with each encounter.

The best part about them isn't that, though. It's that they only attack with third-level elemental spells, so with Reflect Rings they literally can't harm you and will eventually kill themselves (with lots of healing and absoprtion).

IF THAT OMNISCIENT BATTLE TAUGHT ME ANYTHING, IT'S THAT I SURE LOVE REFLECT RINGS AND EMULATOR SPEEDUP KEYS





btw if you were wondering why it's been so long since my last post here's the reason

LEVEL 45 NOPE



LEVEL 50 NOPE



LEVEL 53 NOPE

REMINDER THAT I BEAT THIS GAME FIFTEEN LEVELS AGO (38)



LEVEL 55 NOPE



LEVEL 60 NOPE

BUT I'VE GOT ENOUGH HP THAT IF I GO STEAL 99 ELIXIRS I MIGHT STAND A CHANCE HOLD UP





OH MY GOD

Okay, breathe. In. Out.

No video of the fight for two reasons: I totally abused save states to work around some of his attack sequences (I think it's theoretically possible to do this fight without that, but I'd have to be psychic), and I paused every 15 seconds to fuss with a calculator. A full video would've been insanely long and boring.

Bartz: completely unequipped, except for an Angel Ring so he doesn't turn into a zombie. I don't want him dealing damage to anything.

Lenna: Geomancer + Artful Dodger, Angel Ring, Chicken Knife, Circlet + Black Robe (magic defense)

Krile: Thief + Equip Axes (strength boost), Angel Ring, Gladius, Hypno Crown + Vishnu Vest (magic defense)

Faris: Dragoon + Artful Dodger, Hermes Sandals, Dragon Lance, Aegis Shield (occasional blocks), Mirage Vest (magic defense)

Lenna, Krile, and Faris all in the FRONT row because I needed to do normal attacks with them occasionally. Grand Aevis only has one physical attack, so being in the back row doesn't protect against much. Magic defense is a more important stat because of Poison Breath, Zombie Breath, and Aeroga.

The Dark Elementals have 5500 HP apiece, and when they're both dead and you attack Grand Aevis, they respawn. To get through this fight without White Wind being an issue, I had to kill one ASAP and then keep the second one's HP low. That meant keeping track of its HP having my other characters keep it low while my Dragoon jumped on Grand Aevis.

Giving the Dragoon Hermes Sandals instead of an Angel Ring was a calculated risk that twice the turns would be more useful than protection against zombification. As long as her HP was over 500 or so, the only way she'd turn into a zombie was if Grand Aevis used Zombie Powder on her specifically, so I only ended up having to turn her back once or twice.

That fight took 66 elixirs.





YEP THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH A WEEK AND A HALF

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Awwww yeah the path is open, finally I can get back to looting this joint.



WHY IS EVERY TREASURE CHEST IN THIS PLACE USELESS



FUCK



FUCK



FUCK



FUCK



FUCK





... ooh?



Ahahahahahaha looking at a guide this thing halves all elemental damage and ups physical evade by 10% and magical evade by 20%. THIS IS NOT OVERPOWERED AT ALL





No I do not wish to partake in this Super Mario Bros. reference

Thanks for at least asking me if I want to teleport though unlike the other warps in this place.







If "around here" is ten rooms away like this other fucking lock-and-key bullshit has been then I am going to put out a level 2 warning on me flipping my shit in the near future. Sick of this.





Ahahaha check out this THIEF job wall. To get past the waterfall on the upper level, you have to flip this switch to turn it off and then B-dash up and around before it turns back on. JOKE'S ON YOU, ASSHOLES, I CAN DO THIS ONE





Oh lord another one of these chucklefucks, now I'm guaranteed to have to do something on the opposite end of the dungeon.



Yo so if you didn't know, this dungeon has even harder versions of both Omega and Shinryu. This is gonna be magical.



There's a teleporter in this room that's locked like that cave from four screenshots up, so I guess that's what this is referring to.



GOD DAMN IT I WAS RIGHT

I didn't take a screenshot, but in one of the first rooms in this place, there's a monster locked in a cell. So, of course, guess where I have to go next.

Note: it's the opposite direction he wants me to go, because fuck this guy right in his stupid fucking face.

Here's the most accurate summary of this dungeon I can think of:

YouTube Video

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Next up on my inaugural Fuck This Dungeon Tour: this door!



Leads to the Tomb of Memory area, which uses the pyramid tileset and has a bunch of those Mecha Head enemies running around again. Square-Enix: officially out of ideas for this dungeon.





OH JESUS BAIL OUT





Cool it's a button, I'm sure nothing bad will happen if I hit it.





Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat

So it turns out that, when that asshole said "you must defeat he who is locked in the dungeons of the Sealed Temple," he ONLY meant for the teleporter in that room, and Neo Shinryu & Omega Mk.II are accessible without that.

That means that, instead of hauling ass back to the start to die to a boss, I can just stay down here and die to a boss. Cool, I guess?





Cool, it's another button right next to an open pit. I'm sure nothing bad wi—



WHGARBLRBRBLHRB



Aaaaaand, scene!





Neo Shinryu! I already beat Shinryu, and I've gained 17 levels since then, so this won't be so bad.







I WAS WRONG, SHINRYU LEARNED EARTHQUAKE

Lemme go grab Float off a Stingray and I'll be right back.





Jiminy.

I gave it a shot with my Shinryu strategy of slapping Dragon Lances on everyone and hoping to kill him in 15 seconds, but that's not going to work here. The reason is that the developers have cheated in two ways.

First, Neo Shinryu is randomly invulnerable half the time. This is achieved by there being two forms, one completely impervious to damage and the other not, that rapidly switch back and forth without a signal. So 50% of attacks will be absorbed without even popping up a 0 damage indicator.

Second, Neo Shinryu has three hidden, unselectable, invulnerable targets. They don't show up in the monster list and you can't intentionally attack them, but random attacks like Rapid Fire have a chance of choosing them and therefore doing no damage.

The net effect is that my Berserker will only land a hit 1/8 of the time, so I pretty much have to solo this fight with my Dragoon. But wait, there's more.

Neo Shinryu has a 1/3 chance of countering damage with White Hole, which is an instant kill for this party. He has 65,000 HP, so with a 9,999 HP limit on attacks, I'm going to have to land no less than 7 hits on him without triggering White Hole. I might be able to bring that down to 6 or 5 if I get lucky with my other three characters before they die, but 7 is the theoretical target.

The odds on that are (2/3)7 = 5.85%. And that's assuming I can figure out how to keep the Dragoon alive during the other attacks. So that's a pretty big pile of shit I've got to figure out how to deal with.

... later!

I was speaking idiomatically.

Glad to hear that the enormous piles of hero corpses I left lying around helped you out.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

This guy I went to college with sounds mad about sucking at FF5.

Just wanted to share this with all of you that completed the game last year, because you're all winners and I'm proud of you.

FELIPE NO