I get to live with a bunch of well-educated gentlemen, who are incapable of dealing with the following
complicated tasks. It's just too hard for them. Because I guess no one's perfect, or something:
- Putting unfinished dishes somewhere other than in the sink, and thusly in the way of everyone else
- Doing the dishes often enough that you don't end up throwing away my cookware because the mould has changed states from fuzzy to solid
- Keeping your Kraft dinner boxes out of the plastics bin after the 15th discussion about it and 3rd posted, highlighted sign about it
- Turning the TV off when you LEAVE THE HOUSE
- Not beating your girlfriend when I'm two rooms over (not gonna happen...)
- Keep drains free of hair, dirt, or toilet paper rolls you dumped into your shit-filled toilet and decided to run away from
- Wiping up after stepping out of the shower so people don't get soaked on tripped on your drippings
- Going more than one foot away from the door while "but I'm not smoking in the house!"
- Cleaning your room often enough that it doesn't smell like craft dinner cheese left in the sun for 3 weeks
- Keeping the phone numbers of the landlord, utilities, phone, cable, and internet company in a location other than "lost"
- Saving freezer space by removing food items that are older than 6 months
- Closing the door in the winter
- Closing the window in mayfly season
- Pulling back on the porn downloads after the third bandwidth complaint from the ISP service
- Letting people know before you call someone to turn the water off
- Using drugs responsibly enough that I don't have to deal with you running around the house squawking like a fucking chicken
- Eating something other than the "buttered popcorn" brand that smells like a sin against man
- Taking out your garbage can out more than, oh, once a year
- Sweeping cheerios out of the bathroom at a rate >3x/yr
- Holding the laundry or shower until I'm out of the shower
- Eating food in such a manner that scurvy is avoided
- Turning off an alarm clock before locking the door and leaving for the weekend
- Not cock-blocking me (as if scoring in such a house wasn't "easy" enough)
- Starting a new garbage bag, instead of throwing your mouldy chicken on top of a full one
- Flushing the god-damn toilet
Unfortunately, I'm going to be leaving these great friends in a few days. How will I cope??
Jam it back in, in the dark.
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How Unfortunate