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A key assumption some of you are making is that all the perpetrators are angsty teens who want to do things that are taboo just to seem cool. It may be less common overall, but my friend told me he heard a bunch of the older crowd (who you'd think would be a tad more mature and sensitive towards these issues) belt out like obscenities. He told me that one person started it, asking "any N's here?" and that the others seemed to egg him on, chain reaction like. Obviously this subset of outliers on Live don't represent the whole, and that it's probably mostly immature kids who perpetuate the drivel, you can't rule out the fact that there's another breed of people on there too.
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Racists exist. They exist in your video games, they exist in your towns and schools and jobs and probably even on this forum. Nothing you can say or do will stop them from being racist, so just let it happen.
Very rarely have I found that you absolutely need to talk to the people you are playing with anyway. If you're playing with someone who just happens to be racist, but is also someone you absolutely have to talk to... then why the fuck are you playing with/talking to them? Report them. Leave the game. Problem solved. Yeah, they'll still be into hating on whatever minority they hate, but at least they won't be doing it around you.
There's nowhere I can't reach.