[Movie] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

I saw this the other day and I enjoyed it, well sort of, but you really have to shut down anything vaguely related to your brain otherwise the sheer amount of dumb and stupid on screen will spoil it. You really can't think about the plot (insert 'what plot?' jokes here) at all, or the various continuity bits and pieces, because there's holes all over the place. Huge, epic, dumb-arse holes everywhere.

But hey, it has big robots beating the shit out of each other, big explosions, and what can only really be described as a shit-ton of military porn (I hate to think of the mess Bay made of the editing suite). Sadly it also features far too much childish humour, though I use that word incredibly loosely, and attempts at comic relief, and focuses on entirely the wrong characters 99% of the time (especially those fucking twin autobots). Basically the worst bits of the first film, which were kept to a minimum there, have been turned into a 150 minute feature. Also, didn’t we establish quite firmly in the last film that firing guns at the Transformers did pretty much chuff all? No, must stop, otherwise we could be here a while.

At the end of the day this is a mess, a gigantic fucking screwed-up confused mess of nonsense and toilet humour. This is proof, were it ever needed, that allowing Michael Bay to run amuck unchecked is a terrible, terrible idea. I did have fun with the spectacle of it all, but I must confess the more I think about the film subsequently the more I realise how bad it actually was, to the extent that I feel a little bad about helping this, in some small way, become the box-office success it will inevitably be.

God damn it Bay, cars and things going boom, these are your forte, how did you fuck this up so much?

Jam it back in, in the dark.